Okay, I feel like I'm finally getting better. After taking it slow today, I suddenly got the urge to do something. Played some guitar, worked out a bit, made myself a decent meal and went for a walk. It was dark and raining by the time I got outside again, and just by walking with some music playing I felt like I was coming alive again. It's such a rush coming out of a period of sickness and to feel strength returning to the body.
Man, this past week has just been a complete slog, I have almost not done anything worthwhile at all. Just sat in front of the TV, played videogames. Even masturbated several days in a row, and I don't really know why. I did not enjoy it. And I guess I sort of have an excuse for my behavior being sick and all, but there was always a choice in the way I spent my time. I didn't have to let myself go that far. Today really accentuated the change in my life in a broader sense - from sitting at home in front of a screen - to getting out there and just doing anything. Just a walk in the rain at night is endlessly more rewarding than sitting at home just mindlessly consuming.
The strange yearning, the euphoric recall that I've had for pornographic material is fading away by the day. Instead, I'm excited for what's ahead. I just need to keep turning away from this sickness and keep my eyes on what I want in life.