It ends here.

downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Yesterday I looked up some images on Instagram. Lingerie pictures that I had stumbled over a couple of days before (ad). That’s really dangerous behaviour for me, and I will take this seriously. Sharing this here in order to be honest about it and stop the behaviour at once.

I have used Instagram sparingly to share and connect with friends for the last 40 days, but now that this happened I have deleted it from my phone. For now, it stays gone until I know I have things under control. Phone will also be put away whenever I am home.

On a more positive note, things are still going well! Filling the days with activities either with friends or by myself. Yesterday I went swimming and today I tried rock climbing for the first time in many years.

Catching myself just smiling every now and then, this is a big change in my mood - hoping it will stick!
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
Hi @downhillfromhere - I just love the catching yourself smiling every now and then comment. That’s so brilliant. And so wholesome and is a sentence that isn’t anything to do with pornography….except of course it is.

45 days - over 6 weeks - a month and a half - if you have some flatline (and you probably will) then it’s normal and actually better than normal, it’s needed because it is living proof that your brain is changing. weird crazy signals are being sent or not sent to your penis. If you feel strange and different and even if the changes worry you, it’s all good.

The further changes you will make will take you in to an ecstatic place. It’s a journey- it takes time to clear the wreckage we left behind obviously, but the journey is quite astonishing.
 
downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Thank you @Blondie!

@GBS, thank you. Whatever comes my way in form of a flatline, I will remember the great days I’ve had free from porn. And remember that this is permanent, not a race to 90 days. Nobody works out for a year and then stays in shape the rest of their lives - this is a choice to live a better life each and every day. Clearer mind, more energy, more confident, more focused. So many things in my life has improved, even the little things like appreciating a cup of coffee.
 
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downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Feeling a little bit bored and tired. Lonely. Some urges to look up some images now.

Right now, I have to choose between seeking comfort in porn, or to hold off, stay strong and experience something that’s real. There’s no middle way, no way to have both.
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
You got this downhill. Take a deep breath and just relax in it.

Fantasize and imagine how it would feel to screw up right now. That terrible feeling in your gut afterwards. Feel that in your body then run the hell away!
 
downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Thanks both of you. Don’t get me wrong, there isn’t a big part of me that even wants it, not anymore. What I want is to see what kind of person I really am, beneath all this hollow and meaningless crap.
 
downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
The urges have faded a bit today. Making sure to keep myself active and not sink into mindless stuff at the end of the day. Another weekend is coming up, so I will stay on my guard though!

In two weeks I’ll be visiting Scotland for a few days. I can’t wait to get there, and have a chance of experiencing it free from the influence of porn. Streak will still be going then 💪
 
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