It ends here.


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I had the first of three treatments yesterday, and the next will be tomorrow. I can say I’m feeling some positive effects already, and I’m really looking forward to the last two treatments.

It turns out that the treatment is very closely linked to sound and music, which was a very positive surprise for me. I get to create my own playlist of music that has some personal meaning, and it will actively change the experience I have.

I’ll update some more another day, when I know more about what this treatment means for the addiction. I know that one of the biggest points is that it increases neuroplasticity, so it should definitely have a positive effect. But I will have to focus a lot on the things I’m struggling with in life these next days to get the most out of it.

I have made a list of things I would like to do. They involve asking out a girl I met last weekend (this will be my first time ever asking someone out) reaching out to a couple of old friends, taking singing lessons and everyday things like working out, running, playing music and other things I enjoy doing.


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Day 83

The second treatment is done, and yesterday was a very good day. Physically I felt more grounded and secure than I’ve been in months, at work I was really noticing how I was able to just look at someone and smile instead of having to look down like I usually do. My mood is very stable, and leaning more to the side of happiness and contentment. I was in a meeting with colleagues where I would expect to be a bit on edge, but I was so much more relaxed and behaving in a natural way. It’s such a relief.

I credit this to the treatment I’m going through, but also maybe even more to the recovery work I’ve been doing with great help from this forum and you guys. This is the reason my base level mood is a lot better than it was just a few months ago. I have felt specific days earlier where I have tapped into this feeling of being secure in my own body.

I’m also not masturbating, I think it’s been 6 days since last time - I know it’s not very long, but I’m committed to not doing it for as long as possible. To me it feels like I could really benefit from this as well.

Just realised I’m one week from my next goal of 90 days!


Respected Member
@downhillfromhere - I am a big fan (sort of!!) of the full hard mode/no masturbation at all mode. I think your brain gets the hardest reboot that way. Healing is faster. Frustration is off the charts, but if we are determined then there has to be pain as the price for our wrong doings. Keep going. You inspire me.


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@downhillfromhere - I am a big fan (sort of!!) of the full hard mode/no masturbation at all mode. I think your brain gets the hardest reboot that way. Healing is faster. Frustration is off the charts, but if we are determined then there has to be pain as the price for our wrong doings. Keep going. You inspire me.
Likewise GBS, I think you’re doing an incredible job yourself. I’m not very disciplined at the hard mode, in fact I just failed today because the urges were suddenly a bit much. But I will try it again and see how far I can get. Thankfully I have kept it at once a week or less, so it could be worse!


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Hey @downhillfromhere, I'm so happy life is looking up for you. You're just really killing it with all of your progress, props to you man.

90 days is just around the corner! My only advice to you is don't get cocky. Not that I speak from experience or anything 🤦‍♂️

Keep rocking forward.

Thanks Blondie! Yes, you’re right, I need to keep that in mind, things could turn around at any moment. Thank you for the reminder!


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Speaking of that reminder, I need to be better about mobile phone use. It has been pretty bad lately, I constantly check instagram, facebook just to see if anything has happened. Luckily I never browse any content from anyone I don’t know personally, but I have noticed that slipping a bit lately as well.

That means that from now on, I will go back to placing my phone by the charger in the kitchen whenever I am home. I will also not bring the phone to the bedside, because when I wake up in the morning I usuall my reach for it and check social media and news. That stuff is pretty bad for mental health, so it needs to end. Better to stretch a bit and focus on breathing before getting up and heading to the shower.


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Yes, it’s become a habit for me to check the news among other things, even if I just checked it half an hour ago. A lot of time spent on nothing, especially first thing in the morning where I could spend those minutes on better things.

Managed to put my phone away last night, and keep away from it this morning!

Day 84


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Urges are hitting me hard today, for the first time in weeks. Might be because of MO yesterday, and Sundays are typically the worst for me in that regard. I even thought about looking things up that I know will mess this up for me, and the urges are so strong that I'm on the verge of considering it anyway. Danger zone.

Good news is that I'm more "motivated" this weekend, suddenly finding myself doing things like drawing and modeling, looking for references and such. Just got to keep busy, I think I will stick to a specific plan just to be safe today.

So the plan for the rest of today will be this:

- Take my dog for a long walk
- Get home, do some training with the dog and give him a shower
(Put phone away, I always bring it on walks in case something happens)
- Work on the illustration I started on yesterday, listen to music
- Make dinner
- Go for another walk
(Put phone away)
- Do some more work, either illustration or music, play the guitar etc.
- 20-30 minutes of "downtime", just sit around somewhere with no input whatsoever (this is something new I'm trying out from today)
- Go to bed, phone goes in the kitchen for charging