It ends here.

downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
particularly_respecting said:
Can't wait to come back here tomorrow and see your "Day 44" post :D You got this!

Regarding the loneliness thing - yes it's tough
I'm married now but I lived by myself for many years so I know that feeling
Kind of cliche but have you tried meetup or any equivalent where you are?

Regarding dating - how about dating apps?
People have mixed opinions on them
But they have one major benefit - the relationship is clear from the start
No need to try to convince a woman to go from friends/coworker/acquaintance to a romantic relationship, etc.
From the start you both know why you are there
Just a thought - I know people have different opinions on these apps, so maybe it's not for you

Thank you also for your recent support - really appreciate it and has helped a lot
Click to expand...
I did consider trying Meetup before the pandemic, but forgot all about it. Since that stuff is pretty much done and over with here in Norway I might give that a go. I see there are a few groups in my city!

Regarding dating apps, I never really tried any. Have been hearing a lot of bad things and quite a few good things also, so I’m very much undecided on the whole thing.
But I guess there’s no harm in trying, it’s just such a huge step putting myself out there, you know? I’m so unfamiliar with meeting anyone in that way, as far as I know dating traditionally isn’t really a thing where I live - though that has probably changed with Tinder etc.

In any case, thank you for the suggestions! :) There’s definitely a lot I can try - and I guess that’s my biggest fault - I never really try.
 
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downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Some updates on my condition, on day 45 without PMO.

Been feeling more in my gut lately - there's this woman at work I find attractive, and I felt like my insides were melting when she smiled at me the other day. Couldn't stop thinking about it for a while. I don't recall having that sort of reaction happening before I quit P, I'm taking that as a good sign.

I have been engaging in a lot of MO the past week or so. I'm not 100% sure, but I think I have done it every single day. I'm experiencing more consistent erections, which is a big step up. Previously I couldn't get a solid erection the day after PMO, unless I was watching P. Now it sometimes feels like I'm getting harder without P, and there's more sensitivity there. I'm sometimes getting morning wood, and sometimes getting erections again the same day after MO.

That said, I want to try to abstain from MO for a while. My erections aren't as good as I know they can be, even though it's a good sign for me to get one alone / without porn. I get the feeling I'm doing it so often just to check what state I'm in, just to see if I can O. Which doesn't feel great, to be honest. Almost feels like I'm substituting one addiction for another, and I'm not always doing it because I feel like it, but more like a routine. So I guess that's what's going to be hardest for me going forward, letting go of that routine and focusing on other stuff.

Can't believe I haven't watched porn in 45 days. In the past 3 years, my record was probably around 3 days, as long as I wasn't away from home.
 
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Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Can't believe I haven't watched porn in 45 days. In the past 3 years, my record was probably around 3 days, as long as I wasn't away from home.

I'm so proud of you man. That is a hell of an accomplishment! And yes, it is great how wonderful and beautiful real women can be be. A smile can save a man.
 
downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Blondie said:
Can't believe I haven't watched porn in 45 days. In the past 3 years, my record was probably around 3 days, as long as I wasn't away from home.

I'm so proud of you man. That is a hell of an accomplishment! And yes, it is great how wonderful and beautiful real women can be be. A smile can save a man.
Click to expand...
Thanks so much, that means a lot! It has been a great help to follow you during the past weeks.

Day 46!
 
ShadeTrenicin

ShadeTrenicin

Well-Known Member
Wow, great work downhillfromhere! That is an amazing achievement.

Regarding the issue of "To MO or not to MO" that is a very delicate balance. On the one hand you want to overdo it, but on the other hand a man also needs release every once in a while. The trick I guess is to find the sweet spot in not doing it to much but also not to get to horny which can make you urge P.

Good luck my friend, I'm rooting for you
 
particularly_respecting

particularly_respecting

Active Member
downhillfromhere said:
I did consider trying Meetup before the pandemic, but forgot all about it. Since that stuff is pretty much done and over with here in Norway I might give that a go. I see there are a few groups in my city!

Regarding dating apps, I never really tried any. Have been hearing a lot of bad things and quite a few good things also, so I’m very much undecided on the whole thing.
But I guess there’s no harm in trying, it’s just such a huge step putting myself out there, you know? I’m so unfamiliar with meeting anyone in that way, as far as I know dating traditionally isn’t really a thing where I live - though that has probably changed with Tinder etc.

In any case, thank you for the suggestions! :) There’s definitely a lot I can try - and I guess that’s my biggest fault - I never really try.
Click to expand...
Thanks for the reply!
And yes no pressure about dating apps - like I said, people have mixed opinions on them so it depends whether it's right for you (y)
Amazing work getting to 46 days - great to read about the positive changes!
 
downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
ShadeTrenicin said:
Wow, great work downhillfromhere! That is an amazing achievement.

Regarding the issue of "To MO or not to MO" that is a very delicate balance. On the one hand you want to overdo it, but on the other hand a man also needs release every once in a while. The trick I guess is to find the sweet spot in not doing it to much but also not to get to horny which can make you urge P.

Good luck my friend, I'm rooting for you
Click to expand...
Thank you! I think you’re right - I do need the release, but not everyday. In my experience it’s a lot more intense and enjoyable if I wait a few days, and I am able to imagine being with someone more vividly etc.
 
downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
particularly_respecting said:
Thanks for the reply!
And yes no pressure about dating apps - like I said, people have mixed opinions on them so it depends whether it's right for you (y)
Amazing work getting to 46 days - great to read about the positive changes!
Click to expand...
No thanks needed, I appreciate the input very much! I do think I need to try it before I know what I feel about it.

There’s just this girl that’s been on my mind a lot, the one I mentioned earlier that I see sometimes going to work. Happened to run into her today, and she was with some guy. Hard to tell if they are together. I really want to try and ask her out some day, just to have done it. Every time I see her, I can’t think about anything else that day. Anyways, just thinking out loud here. Thanks for the comment. 🙂
 
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downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Day 48

Two, maybe tree days without MO - can't recall exactly.

Have been having some really "flat" days the past weeks, and I find it more difficult to talk to people again. Pretty low on energy, and feel lonely again. I really hope it will reverse to the way I felt in earlier weeks. Not sure what is happening, might be a flatline. Don't really feel like doing anything, and struggling to get going with stuff I know I want to get done.

I know my mood is going to go up and down, it's always been like that. But I'm also hoping it will become more stable and that I can be more self-confident and assertive like I have been on some of my best days. Everything feels so much better then.

Went to visit family for Easter, and I think it may have caused me to lose myself a little. I love my family, don't get me wrong, but somehow I turn into a kid again every time I visit. As a child I was really quiet, didn't really participate or talk too much, only ever answered when someone asked me a question. I've come a long way since then, I've developed a personality and way of being, and that all disappears slowly and surely after a few days of staying with either of my parents.
It's frustrating when this happens, because of course I want to visit, but feel like I need to keep myself from staying too long. And it takes time to get back to normal after getting back home. Like I have to build myself up again.
What helps is knowing that this is actually really common for people to experience, especially for people who move back in with their parents or whoever you lived with growing up. You fall back into a role, and it's hard to counteract unless you are specifically aware of what is happening and can take steps to deal with it.

Well, that's it. I have some long days at work ahead, so not sure if I will be updating every day. At least I will be busy, that might be a good thing.

Stay strong everyone!
 
Rumson

Rumson

Member
@downhillfromhere Hey, just read through your posts. I can very much relate to you feeling like a child again when you visit family. I spent a month with family for the first time in 4 years because I live overseas. It felt ridiculous at times but just know it's not just you. Keep up the fight. I'm on day 3 and your progress is inspiring.

Question to the wise: Is it better to avoid MO and for how long? Ideally I would think forever unless I'm with someone. Is that realistic?
 
downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Rumson said:
@downhillfromhere Hey, just read through your posts. I can very much relate to you feeling like a child again when you visit family. I spent a month with family for the first time in 4 years because I live overseas. It felt ridiculous at times but just know it's not just you. Keep up the fight. I'm on day 3 and your progress is inspiring.

Question to the wise: Is it better to avoid MO and for how long? Ideally I would think forever unless I'm with someone. Is that realistic?
Click to expand...
Thank you for the comment! It's so helpful to know that people are following along, I need to be more active in others' journals as well. This week I'm working almost 12 hour days, so I'm very quick to lie down when I get home. :)

It's good to hear that it's not just me that experiences this. I have been living away from home for around 12 years and it's always been like this, but it's just recently I have become aware of what's happening. There's a podcast I listen to that among other things goes into a lot of mental health stuff like this regularly, and it's been helpful to me to not just learn a little bit about psychology, but also hear about other people who are experiencing the same things. In case anyone's interested, it's called The Blindboy Podcast.
 
downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Thank you, particularly_respecting! I'm afraid I forgot to celebrate, but I will be sure to do so around the two month mark. :)

Day 51! Another busy day, just got home and have to go to bed in a minute. It's good to have distractions, I think I'm doing pretty well.

I tried some Wim Hof breathing last night before bed, and while taking a cold shower this morning + and a little bit of Ujjayi breathing just after. Today my mood was the best it's been in almost a month. I was smiling a lot, asking people questions and just this warm feeling when people were around, really appreciating their company instead of becoming uncomfortable when too many people are around. I was noticing so many things around me like sounds I don't really notice normally. It was a bit like being high, but in a purely positive way. I'm definitely going to continue trying these breathing techniques daily and see if I can get some lasting improvements in my mood.
 
downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Thanks so much! Does not feel like this much time has passed. Feels great to have come this far. It’s already so worth it :)

Day 52! Cravings have faded a little. I feel pretty good generally. I feel more aware of my surroundings. Pretty tired though, and will try to relax as much as possible this weekend, go for a few long walks.
 
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