It ends here.

downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Apparently this treatment i went through had a profound effect. I’ve been more sociable than I’ve ever been today. I feel like a completely different person, like who I was supposed to be. On Monday I installed Tinder after being recommended to try it at the clinic. I just chatted to this girl today, and I think I have my first date next week. I feel like I’m on a different planet here. Plans are lining up, I’m having difficulty finding free days instead of feeling like nothing is going on.

I don’t want to play video games, most of the time. YouTube seems like shit, with some interesting exceptions. All I want to do is get out there, work out or go for a run. Make some music or anything, draw, read, all that good stuff.

And this girl I've been talking to... absolutely incredible. She's *just* my type, and in a healthy way. I guess all I've got to do now is to keep my cool, and not get my expectations too high. But damn, I can't wait for next week. Sorry for ranting about this, I’m just over the moon right now.

Fuck porn! Stay strong guys, things will always get better. And in case I’m being unclear, that treatment alone would not have had this effect on me. Rebooting and recovering from porn use is what brought me most of the way to what I’m experiencing right now, I just needed a little push. And I’m not cured or anything - this is a lifelong commitment to me.
 
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downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Interesting how you guessed that, @Beautiful1973! Thanks for asking. :) It’s actually ketamine therapy, I’ve had three sessions in just under a week.

There’s a lot of research pointing to quick and lasting relief from depression and anxiety, which was the reason I wanted to try it. The treatment itself is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, granted I’ve never done any drugs except marihuana a couple of times years ago. Incredibly interesting, euphoric and sometimes frightening sensations that just turns reality upside down for half an hour. It leaves you really drained and tired for a couple of hours after, but the next day there’s this huge relief from everything negative, at least in my case.

A lot of people say that extreme depression and suicidal thought are completely vanished after being treated - even though repeated treatment is often needed to get that lasting effect. Then you combine it with cognitive behavioural therapy before and after in order to get the most out of it and make real changes in your life.

It’s been absolutely transformative, the last two days are some of the best ive had in my life. The relief from anxiety has been intoxicating, to be able to look a person straight in the eyes and listen to what they’re saying. I’ve felt like I can challenge my disabilities and see clearly the patterns that have been controlling my life.

So I’m trying to capture this feeling and integrate it into my life for good. The effects of the ketamine will probably become weaker after a while, so I will have to do my best in order to make those changes and challenge myself whenever I can!
 
downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Day 90

There it is. Nothing magical about getting here i suppose, but it feels good to reach the landmark I was aiming for to begin with. It’s a good start, for sure, and I’m proud of it! At the beginning of this year getting through three days without porn was almost impossible, if I had the choice.

I know that nothing changes for me here though. This doesn’t mean I can just do anything now. The steps I have taken will continue for as long as it takes. But I’m at a place right now where I don’t think about porn at all, 99% of the time.

Masturbation is also off the table, because I suddenly just started dating and I want to be at my best. My self confidence goes up when I don’t masturbate for a while, I feel stronger and more vigorous in a way, and more relaxed and carefree as well.

Speaking of dating, just knowing that I have the ability to attract someone is going to change the way I live. In the past week I went from not knowing if I’ll ever meet someone, to being sure I will bring someone home in the near future. Man, my motivation to do something great has shot up, I just feel like I need to make an effort.

I started cleaning up around the apartment, changing things up and decorating, making it feel nice. I know it’s probably because I want to impress and make it comfortable for anyone I bring home - I kind of feel like one of those birds of paradise running twigs across the forest floor, arranging everything to be just perfect so their potential mate won’t fly away. But it’s a huge plus for me as well. It’s me who spends the most time here, so why not make it a cool place to be?
 
Ezel

Ezel

Respected Member
downhillfromhere said:
Day 90

There it is. Nothing magical about getting here i suppose, but it feels good to reach the landmark I was aiming for to begin with. It’s a good start, for sure, and I’m proud of it! At the beginning of this year getting through three days without porn was almost impossible, if I had the choice.

I know that nothing changes for me here though. This doesn’t mean I can just do anything now. The steps I have taken will continue for as long as it takes. But I’m at a place right now where I don’t think about porn at all, 99% of the time.

Masturbation is also off the table, because I suddenly just started dating and I want to be at my best. My self confidence goes up when I don’t masturbate for a while, I feel stronger and more vigorous in a way, and more relaxed and carefree as well.

Speaking of dating, just knowing that I have the ability to attract someone is going to change the way I live. In the past week I went from not knowing if I’ll ever meet someone, to being sure I will bring someone home in the near future. Man, my motivation to do something great has shot up, I just feel like I need to make an effort.

I started cleaning up around the apartment, changing things up and decorating, making it feel nice. I know it’s probably because I want to impress and make it comfortable for anyone I bring home - I kind of feel like one of those birds of paradise running twigs across the forest floor, arranging everything to be just perfect so their potential mate won’t fly away. But it’s a huge plus for me as well. It’s me who spends the most time here, so why not make it a cool place to be?
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Congratulations 👏 downhillfromhere, i always knew you had it in you partner ☺️. Let's keep moving forward ⏩ I'm right behind you.
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
@downhillfromhere, this is amazing man, I'm so happy for you. Although, as you say, 90 days is just the start to a new beginning, the fact is, at the beginning, this is what you had in mind, and here you stand. :) It's been great to watch the growth you've made as a man over the these months, I know you've helped me out a ton, and for that I say thanks. You're on the right track as well when it comes to a proper recovery, where on one hand, it's good to be proud of your accomplishment, damn proud in fact, yet on the other hand, to know there's always more work to be done, so there's no place for getting an ego. Sometimes people get those confused or conflate them, which can obviously lead to some real problems. But to me, being proud of something, is not the same as being prideful. We need to feel good about ourselves and life, the other, only leads to troubles and disappointment.

I'm so happy about your situation with the ladies as well. Fuck yeah!

Best to you brother.
 
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downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Ha! I love that! Congratulations on 90 days. That's huge, and what's even bigger is how you've grown as a man. :)
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Thanks @SimonM! Something is indeed changing for the better, I truly hope it will stick!

Congratulations 👏 downhillfromhere, i always knew you had it in you partner ☺️. Let's keep moving forward ⏩ I'm right behind you.
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Thank you @Ezel! You're doing an awesome job, keep at it!

@downhillfromhere, this is amazing man, I'm so happy for you. Although, as you say, 90 days is just the start to a new beginning, the fact is, at the beginning, this is what you had in mind, and here you stand. :) It's been great to watch the growth you've made as a man over the these months, I know you've helped me out a ton, and for that I say thanks. You're on the right track as well when it comes to a proper recovery, where on one hand, it's good to be proud of your accomplishment, damn proud in fact, yet on the other hand, to know there's always more work to be done, so there's no place for getting an ego. Sometimes people get those confused or conflate them, which can obviously lead to some real problems. But to me, being proud of something, is not the same as being prideful. We need one to feel good about ourselves and life, the other, only leads to troubles and disappointment.

I'm so happy about your situation with the ladies as well. Fuck yeah!

Best to you brother.
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Thanks @Blondie, appreciate this! You've been a great support to me from the very beginning, thank you for commenting and sharing some of your wisdom. It's been really helpful for me to reflect on my own experience. And yes, being proud of the things that go the right way is good, but expecting things to always go well leads to disappointment as you say. Right now I feel optimistic about life and I'm having a huge boost in confidence, but things will always go up and down. Maybe it won't work out with this girl I'm seeing next week, for example. Accepting that this might happen and realizing that it's not my fault - that there's not something inherently wrong with me - is important I think.
 
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downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Day 95 - 18 days since MO

First date with that girl I mentioned is done! It was really nice, a bit strange because it was my first date with anyone. Strange to just meet up and say goodbye so quickly. But it went well, apparently we both want to meet up again. It’s kind of crazy, kind of surreal to me right now.

Didn’t really think I would be here saying this, I’ve been talking about wanting to meet someone for a while, but part of me didn’t think it was going to happen. Like I wouldn’t be good enough for some reason. Starting to dawn on me that I might be worth something, and that I deserve something good.

Fuck, thank you so much to this community and all of you great people helping out and giving advice. I’m so thankful for everyone who is pulling in the same direction and away from the sinister and sad world of porn addiction. Glad to be part of it! 💪
 
downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Day 96

Thank you @Blondie :)

@Skittelz, I think it’s often called ketamine for depression. Different clinics probably have slightly different names for it though.

If you’re interested, I recommend researching a bit and finding out what practices are being used around the treatment.

For example, I heard about a place where they would administer the drug and just sit the person in front of a TV for the duration. I don’t think it would have had the same effect on me with something like that. I was allowed to select my own music and lie down in a comfortable bed with
a blindfold, so the entire experience became very personal to me.

I think it’s important to also talk to a therapist before and after, most places probably have this as a part of the program.

 
Pazienza

Pazienza

Active Member
downhillfromhere said:
I think it’s often called ketamine for depression. Different clinics probably have slightly different names for it though.
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Wow. This brings back memories.

Back in the day I actually experienced this. I was, a long time ago, a merchant of sorts for illicit substances if you catch my drift.

I was extremely anxious as a young man, and I got a hold of a large amount ketamine. This was too precious to sell. I would snort it, then put headphones on and lay down with my eyes closed. The music was instrumental, and the sounds would morph into images in my head, showing me truths about myself that were previously unknown to me. Eventually I would fall into a deep sleep, and when I woke up I felt similar to what you described -- new energy/creativity, new outlook, etc. I felt as though it was "resetting" my brain back to it's original factory settings.

That stuff lasted me for years, but eventually ran out. I wish I could find it again, but I gave up drug dealing a while back and cut my ties with those people. But maybe I can get this again -- without illegal activity.

Thank you for the link, I'm going to look into this
 
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