Hey @downhillfromhere, I have a few thoughts here but no answers. I agree with @Androg that this could be the Coolidge effect, which is what our brains do after too much porn exposure, always seeking out new experiences. I know in my relationships, I've questioned this myself sometimes, asking, am I trying to get out of this because I want more "action" or, "Is it really over and it's time to break up?" None of these are wrong or right answers, just possibilities. Plus, I must add, monogamy is just a social construct, and many people don't fit into it as easily as others; I know I don't, though I'm still aware of the possibilities of porn tainting this natural proclivity. Furthermore, the mind has another trick it can play on us when we break up, it will suddenly make us "remember" all the good times and memories that we had, and make us want to go back, even though our intuition was just saying otherwise. Statiscally speaking, many many relationships are formed and cultivated out of fear of being alone, and not because of some true strong connection. This isn't a bad thing per se, it's just an observation, which is what I do best!After saying goodbye I feel different. I think I have been taking her for granted, because looking back now I see how happy I've been with her. I haven't been feeling down or overly anxious or depressed. She made me feel good about myself and I could just be myself with her. We talked effortlessly and we had a real connection. I was so happy to have someone to really talk to.
I gather you're probably an introvert (you possibly told me that), well I'm one too, and these things can really affect us, because we naturally live in our heads, over thinking and analyzing it all, thus, not actually living life, just computing information. I would suggest living and granting yourself permission to "make a mistake", whether that would be going back and seeing what could happen, or doing nothing at all and waiting for something that really gets you excited. The only mistake here is going back to porn.
Yes, I'm aware this is NOT an answer. Welcome to my mind.