It ends here.

downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Doing good so far, thank you for asking :)

Lately things have been a bit easier for me… I’ve thought a lot about compulsion, boredom, lack of focus and the triggers that lead me to watch porn. It seems to be tied to social media, YouTube, computer games and so on. A fast way to be entertained and to feel better, easy dopamine. I’m still working on how I can regain my sense of focus and work on the things that matter in life.

It’s now day 30, but it doesn’t really feel like I’m there… I think because I looked at some things a few days a week or two ago that normally world have led to a relapse, maybe I got lucky or just got through it somehow. Talked a bit with my girlfriend about it, she was understanding and that helped a lot. And I’m feeling more gratified sexually lately, which also helps a whole lot!
 
downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
I made a mistake this weekend, watched a cam and ended up masturbating to be honest. Doesn’t feel great to admit it, but it happened.

Despite that I’m feeling pretty good, I have been thinking a lot about the reasons I often end up looking at porn. It’s a coping mechanism that I turn to when life is feeling a bit boring, or I’m tired or stressed out. Or in moments when things feel a bit meaningless. It’s the same with video games honestly, or watching YouTube and shit like that. Just a way to get a quick boost in mood or be entertained.

But some things are more damaging than others, and I’m glad I stayed away from porn as much as I did this last month. 36 days isn’t nothing, even if I made mistakes along the way.

What I need to do in those moments when I feel like getting a quick escape is to sit down and think about why I’m going there. Why do I feel like escaping from my own life, why don’t I engage in things that actually make me happy. Meditating on that seems like a good way to become more aware of myself, notice the things that just seem to happen out of nowhere and do something about it before I make a mistake.

I don’t know if losing this streak means so much to me this time. I think this whole thing is more about learning about ourselves, becoming more aware and not beating ourselves up for making mistakes. Just trust that things will get better. People make mistakes all the time, but just keep working at it. Keep going, I know I will.
 
CloseToToast

CloseToToast

Active Member
downhillfromhere said:
I made a mistake this weekend, watched a cam and ended up masturbating to be honest. Doesn’t feel great to admit it, but it happened.

Despite that I’m feeling pretty good, I have been thinking a lot about the reasons I often end up looking at porn. It’s a coping mechanism that I turn to when life is feeling a bit boring, or I’m tired or stressed out. Or in moments when things feel a bit meaningless. It’s the same with video games honestly, or watching YouTube and shit like that. Just a way to get a quick boost in mood or be entertained.

But some things are more damaging than others, and I’m glad I stayed away from porn as much as I did this last month. 36 days isn’t nothing, even if I made mistakes along the way.

What I need to do in those moments when I feel like getting a quick escape is to sit down and think about why I’m going there. Why do I feel like escaping from my own life, why don’t I engage in things that actually make me happy. Meditating on that seems like a good way to become more aware of myself, notice the things that just seem to happen out of nowhere and do something about it before I make a mistake.

I don’t know if losing this streak means so much to me this time. I think this whole thing is more about learning about ourselves, becoming more aware and not beating ourselves up for making mistakes. Just trust that things will get better. People make mistakes all the time, but just keep working at it. Keep going, I know I will.
Click to expand...

Sorry to quote this entire thing but you are spot on! I love this! Mindset Mindset Mindset. Dont dwell, reflect, analyze, try to adjust for doing better next time. Your process for this crossroad is inspiring.
 
downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Thank you guys.

It’s been a while, and I have to admit I didn’t want to come back. Wanted to do this on my own and thought I could keep it out of my head if I didn’t focus so much on it. But I need some extra help, because the last weeks have been relapse upon relapse. I changed my thinking and started denying that I have to quit this thing.

I’m going to start counting again, because I know I get a good feeling knowing I’ve been clean for x number of days. It gives me a boost thinking about it. And I need that good feeling to keep me going. I want to go back to appreciating my own time and making the most of it.

So, it’s day 3 again.
 
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