It ends here.

downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Apart from an unfortunate look around a week ago, I’m doing this for real now. Already feels different when I’m committed to actually doing it instead of trying to work around the decision to not watch porn anymore. But I’m aware through, that things can turn around pretty quickly like they have before. Suddenly the urge hits, and I’m looking up some stupid shit I don’t really want to look at. Have to keep in mind why I want to do this, and keep in line with my decision.
 
downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
I have to start over unfortunately. A few things led me to watch some things I shouldn’t have been looking at, and it spiraled out of control over the last few days. Still, a little over two weeks was a great start, and I just have to continue from there and keep going.

1 day
 
downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Thank you @Blondie! Times like these I’m really wondering if I actually know what’s best for myself. Like I can’t really trust myself, and I’m getting a bit sick of my lack of dedication to better myself. But there’s nothing to do but keep going, and be honest about what I’m going through to the people around me, and to you guys here. Thanks for being here.

My mood was really good these last two weeks, and even after I relapsed this week. I don’t know, maybe if I was able to watch porn once and be done with it I could live quite happily with things being that way. But I’m not that person. I get lost in it and the more I watch the more I like it, until I hit a wall where shame and self hatred kicks in.

It makes me feel like shit, to put it plainly. It’s a shame that it has to go that far before I feel like being free of it, and my only hope is to stay away as long as I can to fundamentally change my relationship with porn.

I want to be a guy who simply doesn’t watch porn and spends that valuable time on things that matter.
 
Last edited:
O

Orbiter

Well-Known Member
downhillfromhere said:
Thank you @Blondie! Times like these I’m really wondering if I actually know what’s best for myself. Like I can’t really trust myself, and I’m getting a bit sick of my lack of dedication to better myself. But there’s nothing to do but keep going, and be honest about what I’m going through to the people around me, and to you guys here. Thanks for being here.

My mood was really good these last two weeks, and even after I relapsed this week. I don’t know, maybe if I was able to watch porn once and be done with it I could live quite happily with things being that way. But I’m not that person. I get lost in it and the more I watch the more I like it, until I hit a wall where shame and self hatred kicks in.

It makes me feel like shit, to put it plainly. It’s a shame that it has to go that far before I feel like being free of it, and my only hope is to stay away as long as I can to fundamentally change my relationship with porn.

I want to be a guy who simply doesn’t watch porn and spends that valuable time on things that matter.
Click to expand...

I feel the same after lapses like these. It can feel so frustrating when we know exactly what we need to do, we know what works, we know it works because we've done it before but yet it seems to difficult to be consistently commit to it.

I wish I knew why and there was some advice I could give but all I can say is I know exactly how you feel. Hope things have been getting better again over the recent days since.
 
downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Thank you @Orbiter! I feel a lot better the last few days.

Been thinking about what makes me go back to using porn. When I have watched it in the past, it’s been in situations where I feel lonely, bored, or stressed out/really tired from work. It’s like every time I’m at home and I’m in a certain mood, it’s triggering to the point that I’ll automatically get my phone and look something up. The situation itself triggers a need to watch it because it’s happened again and again in the past, it’s not just that I’m more vulnerable to making compulsive decisions in a moment of boredom. I think it’s called Pavlovian conditioning or something like that. The association triggers a response.

I’m not sure if I can avoid being lonely or bored or stressed out, but I can start paying more attention in those moments and try to feel whatever I’m feeling instead of trying to medicate myself using porn.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top