It ends here.
- Thread starter downhillfromhere
- Start date
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
Thanks @Blondie and @fa84!
I’ve been fortunate enough that my computer doesn’t trigger any urges at all, never even crosses my mind when I’m on it. The urges appear in the quiet moments, right after eating or sitting down, stuff like that - when I know my phone is right there in my pocket. But yeah, you’re right… I should probably put it away somewhere when I’m at home.
I’ve been fortunate enough that my computer doesn’t trigger any urges at all, never even crosses my mind when I’m on it. The urges appear in the quiet moments, right after eating or sitting down, stuff like that - when I know my phone is right there in my pocket. But yeah, you’re right… I should probably put it away somewhere when I’m at home.
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downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
Day 15
Things are still going pretty okay. I feel very numb and flat, but urges aren't really there right now. I just want to get through this, I don't want to go through this over and over again because I can't take control.
Edit - I removed a long rant about my ex. Basically after a long on-again/off-again break up between us, she admitted to developing feelings for a guy she was emotionally cheating with while we were together. It hurts. But at least I'm feeling something.
It would be so incredibly easy for me to slip back into the comforting hot bath that is porn right now. But I'm choosing to take a cold shower.
Things are still going pretty okay. I feel very numb and flat, but urges aren't really there right now. I just want to get through this, I don't want to go through this over and over again because I can't take control.
Edit - I removed a long rant about my ex. Basically after a long on-again/off-again break up between us, she admitted to developing feelings for a guy she was emotionally cheating with while we were together. It hurts. But at least I'm feeling something.
It would be so incredibly easy for me to slip back into the comforting hot bath that is porn right now. But I'm choosing to take a cold shower.
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Blondie
Respected Member
Nice job on day 15 Down Hill.
Sorry to hear about your ex, but as you say, at least you're feeling something, which is good.
Stay strong, I know it hurts, but looking at porn is the last thing that will fix any of your problems, of course, you alreadly know this!
Best
Blondie
Sorry to hear about your ex, but as you say, at least you're feeling something, which is good.
Stay strong, I know it hurts, but looking at porn is the last thing that will fix any of your problems, of course, you alreadly know this!
Best
Blondie
Ezel
Respected Member
Sorry 
to hear about your ex downhillfromhere, it happens, don't overthink it and move on, there is someone better waiting for you out there, just focus on becoming the best you could be and that person will show up at the right time...
I might not be the best one to listen to when it comes to a relationship advice since I'm still single, but I can understand what you are going through, right now your junkie brain
will try to seize the situation to get you back to porn land, but apparently you took the right path, the path of discipline, courage, sacrifice. The path of principal that leads to character.
Continue on this path my friend, I'm so proud of you, we are here for each other. And whatever happens you can always come to us.
Stay strong
downhillfromhere.
to hear about your ex downhillfromhere, it happens, don't overthink it and move on, there is someone better waiting for you out there, just focus on becoming the best you could be and that person will show up at the right time...I might not be the best one to listen to when it comes to a relationship advice since I'm still single, but I can understand what you are going through, right now your junkie brain
will try to seize the situation to get you back to porn land, but apparently you took the right path, the path of discipline, courage, sacrifice. The path of principal that leads to character.Continue on this path my friend, I'm so proud of you, we are here for each other. And whatever happens you can always come to us.
Stay strong
downhillfromhere.
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
Thanks both of you, I appreciate it very much.
I think this could have been a lot worse for me. There was a time I would scream, punch walls or numb myself with alcohol over something like this, pretty much engage in self-destructive behaviour. Thankfully I am past that, and I know how to deal with emotions and try to just feel them.
There’s nothing to be gained for me by regretting the past or blaming someone for my situation right now. All I can do is wish her the best and look forward to what I have in store in my own life from here on out.
I know going back to relying on porn right now will set me back. It will push me further from being able to take control of my life. That’s not going to happen. I need this more than ever now.
Thanks for the kind words!
I think this could have been a lot worse for me. There was a time I would scream, punch walls or numb myself with alcohol over something like this, pretty much engage in self-destructive behaviour. Thankfully I am past that, and I know how to deal with emotions and try to just feel them.
There’s nothing to be gained for me by regretting the past or blaming someone for my situation right now. All I can do is wish her the best and look forward to what I have in store in my own life from here on out.
I know going back to relying on porn right now will set me back. It will push me further from being able to take control of my life. That’s not going to happen. I need this more than ever now.
Thanks for the kind words!
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
Just a quick experiment, to see if my keyboard word suggestions reflect my current situation. Maybe I can learn something from what my phone thinks I might say:
“Thanks for the kind of day that you had to work on for the past couple weeks I think I have to do something with the people in that situation so I’m going back to the process and I’m getting better now and I’m not going back again to try again this time I have tried it myself and I’m feeling pretty much better than I thought it would happen but I’m feeling pretty much like this but I’m feeling good and I’m doing better than I am doing now I have a lot going to work so I’m feeling pretty much myself feeling pretty much like a lot more than myself and I have been doing better and I’m doing good now myself feeling myself and feeling better”
Well, that was enlightening. “Feeling myself and feeling better” is my new motto.
“Thanks for the kind of day that you had to work on for the past couple weeks I think I have to do something with the people in that situation so I’m going back to the process and I’m getting better now and I’m not going back again to try again this time I have tried it myself and I’m feeling pretty much better than I thought it would happen but I’m feeling pretty much like this but I’m feeling good and I’m doing better than I am doing now I have a lot going to work so I’m feeling pretty much myself feeling pretty much like a lot more than myself and I have been doing better and I’m doing good now myself feeling myself and feeling better”
Well, that was enlightening. “Feeling myself and feeling better” is my new motto.
Restless Mystic
Member
That went quickly @downhillfromhere. 15 days. Amazing...
You're going strong. You'll climb the wall again. Sorry for your ex. It happens.
On a lighter note, Enjoy the pain. Coz bitter truth is always better than sweeter lie.
You're going strong. You'll climb the wall again. Sorry for your ex. It happens.
On a lighter note, Enjoy the pain. Coz bitter truth is always better than sweeter lie.
Restless Mystic
Member
Wise words
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
Thank you @Restless Mystic. I’ve been struggling with worry and distrust because of this whole thing for years. I don’t know if I’m relieved, humiliated or angry right now. But this is where I can begin to move on with my life.
Hope you feel better concerning the ex, and moving past that part of your life. New things are in store for you!
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
Thanks @Phineas 808! I do need to get past it. Sometimes it’s hard to see that a feeling isn’t permanent, but it will pass.
Oh man that sounds rough. Sorry to hear about the recent issues with your ex, I know only too well the waking hell that is a protracted on-again/off-again break up.
While this may be something you're not quite ready to hear, revelations like these do give a sense of finality which in time will help you find some closure and move forward in all this.
The best days are ahead and it's better to be free than tied down with someone who's heart isn't in it.
Wishing you well. Congrats on the 15 Days!
Restless Mystic
Member
I know how difficult to overcome these situations because i have been in situations like this. Only time can mend it. We're all hopeful that you'll get better. Stay Strong.
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
This is exactly it. I’ve been writing down some of my thoughts this weekend, and got to the conclusion that she’s been using me as a safety net for years. It’s so unhealthy for me to be caught up in something like that, because I get continually get the feeling that I’m not good enough.
Thanks for the support, all of you.
Day 16!
particularly_respecting
Active Member
Sorry to hear about your ex downhill
But great job standing firm and maintaining your resolve
It's easy to give in and become the worst version of ourselves when times are difficult
But you are still working on yourself and making progress - that's the best possible way to handle this
Stay strong brother. I always appreciate your support, so I'm sending some back at you!
But great job standing firm and maintaining your resolve
It's easy to give in and become the worst version of ourselves when times are difficult
But you are still working on yourself and making progress - that's the best possible way to handle this
Stay strong brother. I always appreciate your support, so I'm sending some back at you!
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
Thanks @particularly_respecting!Sorry to hear about your ex downhill
But great job standing firm and maintaining your resolve
It's easy to give in and become the worst version of ourselves when times are difficult
But you are still working on yourself and making progress - that's the best possible way to handle this
Stay strong brother. I always appreciate your support, so I'm sending some back at you!
It is so easy go give in. But holding out will make you stronger. Crucially, making the decision to feel what's painful and uncomfortable. Choosing to go through it when you know you can choose the easy way out.
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
Day 17!