Day 4
I have decided to work on controlling my exposure to highly stimulating activities in my life. Porn is certainly one of the worst things I have been using, but I’m realising that I still have a problem with use of social media, video games and watching YouTube.
Watched a video (on YouTube, ironically) on the subject of dopamine fasting by Anna Lembke that got me thinking this way. What was especially striking to me was the way she described our bodies shifting the balance towards feeling pain when we engage with things that make us feel good.
If I sit around and watch YouTube while simultaneously browsing Reddit on my phone, I’m overloading myself with dopamine in the same way I would open multiple tabs with porn and just chase the perfect scene for hours on end. The result, if I do this every day, is generally feeling unhappy and anxious.
I have been making significant progress in my mood and lowered my anxiety a lot by working out twice a week, running once a week and taking cold showers every day (in addition to staying away from porn), but I have a feeling this is the missing piece of the puzzle for me. Yes, exercise and seeking uncomfortable situations is going to balance out my mood, but if I keep binging YouTube under a blanket for hours every night, things just aren’t going to come together.
I thought simply had a problem with procrastination that would resolve itself if I recovered from porn addiction, but I really think I’m going to have to deal with this now to help me recover. Porn is massively damaging, but also it is just a part of this bigger issue for me.
I’m going to create some sort of plan to get through this. Ordered “Dopamine Nation“ and will read it when it arrives.
Will start to spend some time relaxing by reading or listening to music instead of lying down in front of the TV.
Maybe I will allow myself to watch an episode or something while eating dinner, something like that. Same with video games, but using it as a reward for a day well spent instead of a go-to activity.
Need to think about my interests, in order to get going with this and spend my time on that. Listing some stuff right here, so I can go back and refresh my memory when needed.
- Listening to music
- Reading a book
- Hiking with my dog
- Spending time outside, getting sun when I can
- Petting my dog and playing with him
- Practicing drum rudiments on a pad
- Playing guitar and singing
- Singing along to music
- Creating characters or environments in 3D software
- Learning to use Unreal Engine
- Recording music on the PC
- Playing other digital instruments like my synthesizer and drum machine
- Drawing something with pen and paper
Things I would like to do outside of home:
- Taking singing lessons
- Joining a choir (I have severe anxiety of singing in front of people)
- Joining a class in some physical activity, not sure what yet
- Taking every single opportunity to get together with people from work, doing anything, working on creating bonds with others
- Go on a date. Not sure how I will do this, might try a dating app just to get going.