It ends here.

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
So I just passed her again. Was so set on at the very least saying hi, all I could manage was a smile and a nod. I don’t know, maybe I’ll see how it goes next time.

Trying not to slip into self hatred, and look at why it is this is so hard for me. I’ll have to think about it.
 

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Weekend is going well so far. No strong urges yet! Been keeping away from MO 100% still.

Can’t stress how much cutting down on social media is helping me. I’m viewing shares from friends, but cutting out everything else.

Getting better at controlling my eyes in public, it’s easier to let go of that feeling of needing to take another look. It’s liberating.

Looking forward to getting further in my recovery and feeling the effects!
 

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Looking back, I have had trouble getting past 25 days - I think most of my relapses have been around then. Will be interesting to see how I do this time around!
 

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Encountered a small trigger - just a tiny gif-thing in a chat, probably less than 1x1 cm. It’s interesting how little it takes. I stared at it for about 10 long seconds before managing to look away, then got on with my day.

Damn this thing, I will overcome it! (Almost wrote “I will beat it”, but that’s exactly what I don’t want to do)
 

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Day 22
No P, no MO

Can’t help but think that “this time it’s different”. But I know if it truly is, it’s because of the things I am doing for myself to better my life. I can’t get complacent and think that I’ve won. Things are probably going to get difficult really soon.

That said, I’m proud of the way I handled myself this weekend. Went to the beach, but managed to have a certain control of myself and not stare at anyone too much. Of course I definitely could be better, and I’m trying to be.

Had an urge to MO last night, but it manifested in my mind and not so much my body. It’s like I thought I should do it, but not because I was actually feeling like it. It’s strange. Going to hold off for as long as I possibly can.
 
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WinkTinkTillium

Active Member
Day 22
No P, no MO

Can’t help but think that “this time it’s different”. But I know if it truly is, it’s because of the things I am doing for myself to better my life. I can’t get complacent and think that I’ve won. Things are probably going to get difficult really soon.

That said, I’m proud of the way I handled myself this weekend. Went to the beach, but managed to have a certain control of myself and not stare at anyone too much. Of course I definitely could be better, and I’m trying to be.

Had an urge to MO last night, but it manifested in my mind and not so much my body. It’s like I thought I should do it, but not because I was actually feeling like it. It’s strange. Going to hold off for as long as I possibly can.
Great post @downhillfromhere ! Shout out for hitting day 22! Your changes have brought you power and value. I'm glad to here this time feels different, that feeling is very very important. For continued growth and forward momentum, but yes just also stand ever vigilant and disciplined against triggers and thoughts and behaviors. Expecting the danger and being ready for it doesnt mean to live in fear and your example of going to the beach is a great share on learning how to push forward. Only you know what your limits are. The mind is such a wonderful and dangerous beast, keep reflecting, fighting, and saying no to porn etc!
 

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Thank you, Wink, appreciate the support!

I agree with what you say about pushing ahead, for me I think it has a lot to do with daring to do things I haven’t normally done, challenging myself with new things. I’m a person who quickly gets set in my ways, and breaking free of that is important to me. And I think getting rid of P is an important part of that!
 

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
In a few days I will have gone beyond all of my previous streaks, except for the very first try back in March - where I was so full of determination to never watch porn again. Since then, the part of me still clinging on to porn has resurfaced often - sometimes with weeks between, sometimes with just hours or minutes between. I'm happy that right now, it seems to be subdued. I don't really want to watch porn or substitutes, or at least my rational mind has taken control for the past few weeks. It makes it so much easier to get by, just day to day.

Of course the temptation is still there, and I think I probably would have engaged with porn again if I didn't know about the effects it has on me. How it's been causing my isolation and loneliness, difficulty focusing and thinking clearly, motivation and drive to do the things I love doing. How it's probably kept me just comfortable enough to stop looking for a partner or even just a fling.

It's becoming more and more clear to me what it is about life that makes it worth living. The challenge, pain and rejection is part of that. Without feeling the negative, I will also never get to experience the positive. Desperately clinging to abnormal stimuli, and thus depending on it to even feel okay is no way to live.

Thanks to everyone who has checked in on me over the last few months, it really is appreciated. It makes it easier to go through this knowing I'm not alone in it!
 

forceisstrong2

Active Member
In a few days I will have gone beyond all of my previous streaks, except for the very first try back in March - where I was so full of determination to never watch porn again. Since then, the part of me still clinging on to porn has resurfaced often - sometimes with weeks between, sometimes with just hours or minutes between. I'm happy that right now, it seems to be subdued. I don't really want to watch porn or substitutes, or at least my rational mind has taken control for the past few weeks. It makes it so much easier to get by, just day to day.

Of course the temptation is still there, and I think I probably would have engaged with porn again if I didn't know about the effects it has on me. How it's been causing my isolation and loneliness, difficulty focusing and thinking clearly, motivation and drive to do the things I love doing. How it's probably kept me just comfortable enough to stop looking for a partner or even just a fling.

It's becoming more and more clear to me what it is about life that makes it worth living. The challenge, pain and rejection is part of that. Without feeling the negative, I will also never get to experience the positive. Desperately clinging to abnormal stimuli, and thus depending on it to even feel okay is no way to live.

Thanks to everyone who has checked in on me over the last few months, it really is appreciated. It makes it easier to go through this knowing I'm not alone in it!
Hey man,

That's as good as a sum of why we got to quit this thing as I've heard. Keep reminding yourself of this and this crap soon will behind you.

You got this, brother!!!
 

Blondie

Respected Member
How it's probably kept me just comfortable enough to stop looking for a partner or even just a fling.

It's becoming more and more clear to me what it is about life that makes it worth living. The challenge, pain and rejection is part of that. Without feeling the negative, I will also never get to experience the positive. Desperately clinging to abnormal stimuli, and thus depending on it to even feel okay is no way to live.
This.

I completely agree Downhill. Without us feeling desperate for sex, or sad enough to do something to fix our lives and get on with it, we will never challenge ourselves to push beyond what we "think" we're capable of. That's why porn is so fucking dangerous, it tricks us into thinking we got a "harem" and yes our life might suck, but at least we can manage it with another round of Loserhub.

Fuck that shit.

We should all write down ten things that we're scared to do this week and force ourselves to get out of our comfort zone and do them.

"Without pain, without sacrifice, we would have nothing." - Tyler Durden
 
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