It ends here.

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
I made a few mistakes yesterday. Basically started trying to get around the blockers on my phone, looking things up I shouldn’t be seeing. Thankfully I didn’t get far before I caught myself, but this is pretty serious. Two days ago I MOed, and maybe I was craving more and wanted some image input. This is just the addiction trying to emerge. Need to stop all this and wait as long as I possibly can before I MO again.

Other than that, still doing pretty well. Mood is stabilised, and generally feel pretty happy and comfortable, compared to earlier this year!
 

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
I would say a combination between fantasy and mindfulness/focus on sensation. I think it’s always a memory of past real life experience or a fantasy of something that gets it started though.

But I’m wary of other things that gets it started as well, such as screwing up and looking at images or seeing an attractive actress etc. I’m open to the fact that this might initially be what sets the thought in my head, and that I end up MOing to fantasy not long after. That’s going to be a focus for me going forward, because that’s not how things should be. Fantasies might themselves be influenced by porn, in the worst case, so trying to be aware of that as well.

I’m any case, this last time felt like a needed release for me. I was starting to focus too much on women around me, even audibly (very quietly) talking to myself as I passed certain people on the street. That’s not who i want to be. I felt like i needed to calm down a bit, and I think it helped. As long as I keep it to every two or three weeks, I think I should be fine.
 
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Blondie

Respected Member
Two days ago I MOed, and maybe I was craving more and wanted some image input.
Hey downhill. Yes this can often cause that sensation for wanting more, for most of us anyway (but you knew that).

On one hand, you don't want to be in "fight mode" too much, because then you think about the struggle all the time, but on the other hand, you don't want to be too complacent either.

Balance is key. Be okay with your urges, but not the destination they're urging you towards.

Fight, but with a smile on your face.

Remember also, don't fight being a man, fight to quit porn. You're going to have urges to look at women. You're going to have urges to talk to women and have intimacy with them. Are all of these urges from porn? I highly doubt it. Yes, it might be hard to differentiate when you're only at two months porn-free (almost two months!), but still keep that in mind.

On that note, I have a random thought to consider. Remember, the only woman who can truly "reject" you is your mother. Wives and girlfriends come and go for a multitude of reasons, porn is only one out of many (just look at the divorce rates!). As far as random women you don't even know, it's simply not rejection. They could be having a bad day, or on their period, or maybe they're in a shity mood, or yes, maybe they don't like your face; which is completely their right to have since you have that right as well. Thank them for their feedback and go talk to someone else. Either way, get out there (if you so desire) and get talking.

Just my two cents, you can always tell me to fuck off! :cool:

Almost two days from day 60, you have this!

Best brother
 

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Appreciate the input, Blondie! Thanks for reminding me that having urges for real women is not a bad thing, I guess I need to get used to feeling so “loaded”. It’s kind of like I was an empty gun - an instrument created for a very specific purpose, but with no capacity to carry out that purpose.

I mean, this is so different than how things used to be, I was always lusting after girls but not in that physical almost primal way. That’s something I need to get used to, and it’s probably how I finally get the courage to find intimacy with someone. Or just get laid, to put it bluntly.

And yeah, I’ve been thinking a lot about what you say about rejection. And I’m prepared to be put down and try again. It’s just when you’ve never tried all your life, that first time especially at my age seems so difficult to go through with.

In any case, thanks! Looking forward to reaching two months without porn. This is just the start!
 

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Don't do that. It's rather creepy:)

You really are doing great, don't let go now.
Yeah, thanks for calling me out on that. Don’t misunderstand, I never said a word unless I was absolutely sure nobody could hear me. Then again - you’re right, it’s something I’m not going to make a habit out of. It’s cringy behaviour and I don’t want to be that sort of guy.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
I was always lusting after girls but not in that physical almost primal way.
I like this, but that's a really good way of saying it. I try to explain this to my lady, but it's sometimes hard to put into words exactly. But yes, less sexualized but more primal.
It’s just when you’ve never tried all your life, that first time especially at my age seems so difficult to go through with.
I get it man. I remember when I was 30, probably a year or so before I met my current girl, I felt the same way. Previously, in my 20s, I had two long term relationships but I had practically stumbled into them by stupid luck lol. It's quite embarrassing to think about it now lol. But yes, learning how to face that fear of approaching a woman is quite the challenge. Another thing I learned to focus on was how great it would be to talk TO her and BE with her and NOT what would happen if she "rejected" me. One keeps you positive when about to talk to her, the other gives off negative vibes! The latter I was all too familiar with in my younger days. 🤦‍♂️
Looking forward to reaching two months without porn. This is just the start!
Yes it is!

Best man.
 
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downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
I get it man. I remember when I was 30, probably a year or so before I met my current girl, I felt the same way. Previously, in my 20s, I had two long term relationships but I had practically stumbled into them by stupid luck lol. It's quite embarrassing to think about it now lol. But yes, learning how to face that fear of approaching a woman is quite the challenge. Another thing I learned to focus on was how great it would be to talk TO her and BE with her and NOT what would happen if she "rejected" me. One keeps you positive when about to talk to her, the other gives off negative vibes! The latter I was all too familiar with in my younger days. 🤦‍♂️
Thanks, that really helps! I think something will just click eventually and I’ll be able to do it. Imagining talking to her and thinking what will happen if it goes well, seems like a good way of thinking about it. I’ve certainly imagined all kinds of things, but focusing on the positive outcome is definitely good advice!

One good sign is that I’m getting better at talking to people in general, both with men and women. Even started going into some vaguely flirtatious conversations, it’s kind of easier when you don’t think it’s going to lead anywhere. When I’m actually interested I tense up. But hey, maybe practice will help. :)
 

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
I think this is something to always keep in mind. While I do agree with @Blondie that you can't (and should not) blame all sexual urges on porn, I also think that 'the sort of guy' you want to be should be your main guide. In the end it doesn't mather wether something is caused by porn or not, it's about who you want to become. I think if you make your decisions based on that, it will be easier to differentiate (also in an early stage).
Yes! After all, this is a huge part of why I’m doing this in the first place. Nobody pressured me into doing this, I’ve been single for years but I felt like I needed a change. To change the way I view people, to be more sociable and open, more honest and direct. For my own sake, and for everyone around me I want to be a better person.
 

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Long you live and high you fly
And smiles you’ll give and tears you’ll cry
And all you touch and all you see
Is all your world will ever be

Been getting into Pink Floyd the last couple of days. Man, what great music. Always know they were great, but never really listened too much to them in the last 20 years. My father listened a lot to it when I was growing up, so I have this great bond to the music even though I never consciously listened to it.
 

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
I know it sounds a bit hippy-is, but I just don't agree with all these people wanting to be a better person. That means they don't consider themselves good enough right now and I don't think that's the right motivation when it comes to changing your ways. For what it's worth, from what I have read on the forum you seem like a very decent person:)
I appreciate that. :) Maybe it depends on what you mean by being a better person. I don’t think anyone needs to be perfect, our flaws are what make us unique.

What I meant by that is that I want to be more present and mindful of people around me, to listen when they speak instead of being so focused on what’s going on inside my own head. This is something I’ve struggled with, and I often tune out the world in order to deal with things. Other things like not objectifying women and see them as actual people. I guess that’s what I mean when I say I want to be a better person. A better version of myself, as cliche as that sounds.

But you’re right, it’s really important to see that we have value just the way we are. I’m not worth less because I have these issues, and I need to focus on that to become more in control of myself, more confident about myself.

Thanks :)
 
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