Day 14
Alright... this is going to be a painful one to type. I did something that I'm deeply, achingly ashamed of. I've got a very strong urge to bury it, but only by exposing these things to light can accountability be taken, and healing attained. So... forgive me, please.
On my nights off, when I go to the gym, I've been using the gym showers to wash off so I can avoid M'ing in my personal shower later. That was working well until tonight. In particular, and this is going to be a bit graphic, I'm trying to avoid a habitual practice where I take a detachable shower head and focus it on certain parts of my anatomy to achieve stimulation, which seems equitable enough to masturbation. However, they have one of these at the gym as well and after my work-out, I ended up... you can probably guess. For clarity, this was not in front of other gym-goers, the showers are all cordoned off and partitioned, but still.
I can't shake off the disgust I feel at the pit of my stomach for my actions. I knew it was a bad idea, and I still did it. I'm only limited in my acrimony for my own bad decision by the fact that I did eventually come to my good senses and leave before O'ing. The shame clings to my bones like rot.
But... tomorrow will be a new day. I have that to look forward to, at least. I can come back from this, because my Father's mercies are renewed every single day. This is not the end.