2 Questions for those using the Reboot program

[Sammyjo]

Hi All, I have been married for 32 years to a wonderful man who like many have an issue with porn. This is round 3 of quitting. He is an EXTREMELY strong minded individual (in the sense when he sets his mind on something he gets it done quickly and without fail, with the exception of the porn issue). The last 2 times he quit he did it with no help of any sort, just set his mind to it.

He is willing to go to therapy (at my request) to help regain my trust, but he truly believes therapy is a waste of time. I also feel that therapy will be a waste of time if this is his perspective. I am wondering if this Reboot program can work without the need for professional help.

I am also wondering from your perspectives about the "babysitting" factor. I see many talking about dummy phones and covenant eyes...Is this helpful for you or is it just for the partner who's trust you are hoping to regain?

I love everything about my husband, and we are SO good together. Yes, I am again devastated, but I want to fix us and help in whatever way works best.

 

[Onmyway19]

As someone who has done counseling, though it was beneficial, it didn't exactly lead to the results I was looking for. Mostly due to not following through on the practices I learned. I feel I've had more success, from what I've gained from here. They're all tools that can be used to combat P. I'm a firm believer in using any resources available. Therapy, reboot nation, blockers and accountability partners are all great tools to adapt new habits and remove old destructive habits.

Ultimately they are just tools and it comes down to him using them properly to be successful. I have blockers on my phone but I don't even think about them being there, but it definitely makes my wife feel better knowing I took that step, and added her as the contact in case I try removing it. It just comes down to building that trust back. Having heartfelt honest, and sometimes painful conversations. I basically "report" to her every couple days and it's really seemed to help build that connection again.

I felt pretty hopeless at the beginning of all this. Now I know that I'm on the right path, though early still. I'm building habits that will lead to a life well lived without Porn or artificial stimulation.

Hoping for nothing but the best for you 2

 

[Fappy]

What was the longest time he went without porn?
You really need to get him to read Your Brain on Porn, it’s an indispensable book on recovering from porn abuse. Also get him to sign up to this forum. Everyone here supports each other and offers advice and it truly is a safe haven for anyone serious about rebooting

 

[Sammyjo]

I am not sure what the longest time is. He says he's not sure, and I'm pretty sure I know what that means. I've been educating myself on this topic in an effort to save my self esteem as well as our marriage. This is the first time that he has admitted that from what he's read he believes it is an addiction. That's a step. He really believes he can do this on his own. He is a very mentally strong person, but from what I have read I have my doubts, and we have discussed this. I recommended this forum to him and he liked that idea even less than counseling (outside his comfort zone)-he feels like that's for "weak" people. (Maybe he needs to realize that sometimes it takes strength to ask for help?) He has promised to be honest with me regarding how it's going (I know that won't be easy, so again, we'll see). I will order the book and offer it to him, we will see.

One more question - I know there is a forum for spouses/partners but I am looking for advice from those trying to "kick the habit". Is it ok for me to post questions in this section? I don't want to derail anybody.

Thanks,
Sammyjo

 

[Phineas 808]

I think the "Porn Addiction" section is perfect for this line of questioning. Hope all turns out well!

 

[Simonly]

I attend some counselling sessions with my wife, to help with some issues she was facing, and not specifically to do with my addiction. I was too much of a coward to mention my addiction, and didn't want to digress away from the reason why we attended in the first place.

The insight that the Therapist gave me definitely indirectly helped, and I am now continuing the journey without professional help ... although I did consider revisting the Therapist specifically about my addiction.

By "self applying" the the thought process the Therapist was taking my wife through, to my own situation, I started to make headway to overcoming my own issues.

Overcoming any addiction is not a quick process. Absenteeism alone does not necessarily led to recovery, and I have relapsed after some long streaks. The need to return to the addiction is an indication that the root cause of the addiction is still "lurking in the background", and hasn't been addressed.

... and so onwards we go!