Six months - finally feeling like a new man

My journey to today began just over six months ago when I confessed to my wife that I was looking at porn. I didn't understand that I was addicted at first or the havoc it had wreaked on my mind and body. Over five to six years, I escalated from PMO occasionally when my wife wasn't home or gone for a trip to watching everyday and experiencing PIED. I kept lying to myself that I didn't have much of a problem, I wanted to stop but was never able. Finally one day, I was looking into my wife's eyes when picked up my phone and asked why it was set to private browsing mode, I couldn't lie anymore, I told her. This would become the most difficult journey I have ever been on. I stopped that day and haven't been back to PMO since. I have posted more about this earlier in my journey in the Porn Addiction section forum https://forum.rebootnation.org/index.php?threads/21463/. I have been through withdrawal, PIED, brain fog, anxiety, intense fear, and nearly lost my marriage over the last six months, I had urges and dreams trying to take me back to porn. I was destroying my life, all for a relationship with a screen. I wasn't present for my wife or family for years. I wasn't going to let that happen anymore.

I thought the real battle was going to be just not looking at porn anymore, I was wrong, I had to change, I had to face it and admit what I had done, and understand why. I have been going to therapy, journaling, meditating, getting out with friends more, and facing my demons from what I used to think was a perfect childhood. Quitting porn became an easy decision when I saw and started to understand the pain I had caused my wife and family.

What I learned is that porn is a symptom of another issue, while I was addicted to porn, I had to discover the 'Why', and really understand and explore my reasons. I had low self-worth, and always had an underlying sadness in my life, through therapy, podcasts, and books, I discovered I had a sexually dysfunctional childhood, and a father who faced an addiction himself, my parents nearly divorced over my childhood because my dad's problem would persist for over 30 years. I never knew, but it did affect me, I read the book 'When He's Married to Mom' and discovered I had enmeshment and dependency on my family system, this led me to pressing my parents and discovering their past, and start to uncover how it had affected me. And how this shaped me to have an addiction to porn and an unhealthy relationship with sex. I still have a long journey ahead of me, but have finally after six months started to feel happy again, not feel like my marriage is over, and feel like I am becoming the man I always knew I could be. There's still healing to be done in my relationship, but my wife and I aren't fighting and arguing anymore, I'm not withdrawn from my life anymore, I have been able to help her and hold her up when she is down again. I am regaining everything I was throwing away.

I have lost the fear, shame, anxiety, I don't have PIED anymore, erections are normal again, sex is normal again, my emotions are getting better and more in check, I have become less needy, and more independent.

I will likely post again, but I wanted to start sharing my story, and that there is hope, and things can be better, especially without porn. that this has been a rough journey of quitting porn and rebuilding, but it can be done, I had help from my wife, therapists, close friends, but I am becoming a new man. Everyone else out there can too.
 

BridgeTri

Member
So happy for you! Well done talking to your parents and really getting to the root of the issue. I am impressed with and inspired by your work. Don't stop now, don't stop for a second. I think I was on the same road - nearly made it to 2 mths after talking to friends and family about my problem. Then I felt I had accomplished "it" and let down my guard. And there I was, back at PMO. Now trying to get back up on the horse.

Keep posting - I'll be happy to read about your continued success!
 

TryingHarder

Active Member
What I learned is that porn is a symptom of another issue, while I was addicted to porn, I had to discover the 'Why', and really understand and explore my reasons.

That was my experience in therapy. I learned a lot from one psychologist who also struggled with a porn addiction, so he certainly had some insights. As I start my reboot attempts, asking myself "why?" when I get the urge to look at porn helps. I'm forcing myself to examine what problems I'm having in life that is causing the addiction to reassert itself.

Glad to hear you're having success, @TurningAway!
 

Ezel

Active Member
Congratulations man on six months porn free, And good luck with your marriage. keep going and never look back, porn is not worth it man, it just not.
Burn the boats, go all in, no plan B.
 
D

Deleted member 28870

Guest
Great work on your recovery! I am not married and really hope to be where you are. At 13 days things are a but hectic mentally.
 
My journey to today began just over six months ago when I confessed to my wife that I was looking at porn. I didn't understand that I was addicted at first or the havoc it had wreaked on my mind and body. Over five to six years, I escalated from PMO occasionally when my wife wasn't home or gone for a trip to watching everyday and experiencing PIED. I kept lying to myself that I didn't have much of a problem, I wanted to stop but was never able. Finally one day, I was looking into my wife's eyes when picked up my phone and asked why it was set to private browsing mode, I couldn't lie anymore, I told her. This would become the most difficult journey I have ever been on. I stopped that day and haven't been back to PMO since. I have posted more about this earlier in my journey in the Porn Addiction section forum https://forum.rebootnation.org/index.php?threads/21463/. I have been through withdrawal, PIED, brain fog, anxiety, intense fear, and nearly lost my marriage over the last six months, I had urges and dreams trying to take me back to porn. I was destroying my life, all for a relationship with a screen. I wasn't present for my wife or family for years. I wasn't going to let that happen anymore.

I thought the real battle was going to be just not looking at porn anymore, I was wrong, I had to change, I had to face it and admit what I had done, and understand why. I have been going to therapy, journaling, meditating, getting out with friends more, and facing my demons from what I used to think was a perfect childhood. Quitting porn became an easy decision when I saw and started to understand the pain I had caused my wife and family.

What I learned is that porn is a symptom of another issue, while I was addicted to porn, I had to discover the 'Why', and really understand and explore my reasons. I had low self-worth, and always had an underlying sadness in my life, through therapy, podcasts, and books, I discovered I had a sexually dysfunctional childhood, and a father who faced an addiction himself, my parents nearly divorced over my childhood because my dad's problem would persist for over 30 years. I never knew, but it did affect me, I read the book 'When He's Married to Mom' and discovered I had enmeshment and dependency on my family system, this led me to pressing my parents and discovering their past, and start to uncover how it had affected me. And how this shaped me to have an addiction to porn and an unhealthy relationship with sex. I still have a long journey ahead of me, but have finally after six months started to feel happy again, not feel like my marriage is over, and feel like I am becoming the man I always knew I could be. There's still healing to be done in my relationship, but my wife and I aren't fighting and arguing anymore, I'm not withdrawn from my life anymore, I have been able to help her and hold her up when she is down again. I am regaining everything I was throwing away.

I have lost the fear, shame, anxiety, I don't have PIED anymore, erections are normal again, sex is normal again, my emotions are getting better and more in check, I have become less needy, and more independent.

I will likely post again, but I wanted to start sharing my story, and that there is hope, and things can be better, especially without porn. that this has been a rough journey of quitting porn and rebuilding, but it can be done, I had help from my wife, therapists, close friends, but I am becoming a new man. Everyone else out there can too.

that was amazing, my story reads a lot like yours (many of us here do). And I too am learning how much all of us here are variants of sex addiction and how our past and our childhoods have shaped us.

And similar to your story my wife's world has been rocked by me revealing my deepest darkest secret of chronic PMO. I know your journey is still ongoing but I take solace knowing you seem to be on a better path, your wife seems to be in a better place with you.

And while I know we need to not place sex above all else at least you are having sex again and it appears to be better. Thanks so much for writing this. I really needed to read this today.
 

Giri

New Member
My journey to today began just over six months ago when I confessed to my wife that I was looking at porn. I didn't understand that I was addicted at first or the havoc it had wreaked on my mind and body. Over five to six years, I escalated from PMO occasionally when my wife wasn't home or gone for a trip to watching everyday and experiencing PIED. I kept lying to myself that I didn't have much of a problem, I wanted to stop but was never able. Finally one day, I was looking into my wife's eyes when picked up my phone and asked why it was set to private browsing mode, I couldn't lie anymore, I told her. This would become the most difficult journey I have ever been on. I stopped that day and haven't been back to PMO since. I have posted more about this earlier in my journey in the Porn Addiction section forum https://forum.rebootnation.org/index.php?threads/21463/. I have been through withdrawal, PIED, brain fog, anxiety, intense fear, and nearly lost my marriage over the last six months, I had urges and dreams trying to take me back to porn. I was destroying my life, all for a relationship with a screen. I wasn't present for my wife or family for years. I wasn't going to let that happen anymore.

I thought the real battle was going to be just not looking at porn anymore, I was wrong, I had to change, I had to face it and admit what I had done, and understand why. I have been going to therapy, journaling, meditating, getting out with friends more, and facing my demons from what I used to think was a perfect childhood. Quitting porn became an easy decision when I saw and started to understand the pain I had caused my wife and family.

What I learned is that porn is a symptom of another issue, while I was addicted to porn, I had to discover the 'Why', and really understand and explore my reasons. I had low self-worth, and always had an underlying sadness in my life, through therapy, podcasts, and books, I discovered I had a sexually dysfunctional childhood, and a father who faced an addiction himself, my parents nearly divorced over my childhood because my dad's problem would persist for over 30 years. I never knew, but it did affect me, I read the book 'When He's Married to Mom' and discovered I had enmeshment and dependency on my family system, this led me to pressing my parents and discovering their past, and start to uncover how it had affected me. And how this shaped me to have an addiction to porn and an unhealthy relationship with sex. I still have a long journey ahead of me, but have finally after six months started to feel happy again, not feel like my marriage is over, and feel like I am becoming the man I always knew I could be. There's still healing to be done in my relationship, but my wife and I aren't fighting and arguing anymore, I'm not withdrawn from my life anymore, I have been able to help her and hold her up when she is down again. I am regaining everything I was throwing away.

I have lost the fear, shame, anxiety, I don't have PIED anymore, erections are normal again, sex is normal again, my emotions are getting better and more in check, I have become less needy, and more independent.

I will likely post again, but I wanted to start sharing my story, and that there is hope, and things can be better, especially without porn. that this has been a rough journey of quitting porn and rebuilding, but it can be done, I had help from my wife, therapists, close friends, but I am becoming a new man. Everyone else out there can too.
Can we participate in sex with wife if we able to do during rebooting??? Or complete avoidance of PMO and sex?? Plz clarify anyone
 

TryingHarder

Active Member
Can we participate in sex with wife if we able to do during rebooting?
Ideally, you spend 90 days sex-free to allow your brain and body to reboot. But if you are able to have sex with no PIED during a reboot, that's fine. Of course, you want to completely avoid PMO during the reboot and forever.
 

Giri

New Member
TQ.i started my rebooting 1 yr back. after 1 month of NO PMO,am able to do sex with my wife,but after each intercourse am going to flat line and long refractory period.again am starting NO PMO.this cycle is happening since last 1 year. please give suggestions to better and permanant results.i have to avoid sex also for some duration??? What is the tips i have to follow.pkz guide me.thanx in advance
 

Gardenzio

Member
Congrats for your journey, TurningAway. It really inspired me and inspires us to build our own road.

And thanks also for sharing your experience with the book "When He's married to Mon". I would say not few men "suffer" from the questions on the book, and I include myself in this group. I'm curious to read this book...

Take care.
 

TheRoadAhead

New Member
My journey to today began just over six months ago when I confessed to my wife that I was looking at porn. I didn't understand that I was addicted at first or the havoc it had wreaked on my mind and body. Over five to six years, I escalated from PMO occasionally when my wife wasn't home or gone for a trip to watching everyday and experiencing PIED. I kept lying to myself that I didn't have much of a problem, I wanted to stop but was never able. Finally one day, I was looking into my wife's eyes when picked up my phone and asked why it was set to private browsing mode, I couldn't lie anymore, I told her. This would become the most difficult journey I have ever been on. I stopped that day and haven't been back to PMO since. I have posted more about this earlier in my journey in the Porn Addiction section forum https://forum.rebootnation.org/index.php?threads/21463/. I have been through withdrawal, PIED, brain fog, anxiety, intense fear, and nearly lost my marriage over the last six months, I had urges and dreams trying to take me back to porn. I was destroying my life, all for a relationship with a screen. I wasn't present for my wife or family for years. I wasn't going to let that happen anymore.

I thought the real battle was going to be just not looking at porn anymore, I was wrong, I had to change, I had to face it and admit what I had done, and understand why. I have been going to therapy, journaling, meditating, getting out with friends more, and facing my demons from what I used to think was a perfect childhood. Quitting porn became an easy decision when I saw and started to understand the pain I had caused my wife and family.

What I learned is that porn is a symptom of another issue, while I was addicted to porn, I had to discover the 'Why', and really understand and explore my reasons. I had low self-worth, and always had an underlying sadness in my life, through therapy, podcasts, and books, I discovered I had a sexually dysfunctional childhood, and a father who faced an addiction himself, my parents nearly divorced over my childhood because my dad's problem would persist for over 30 years. I never knew, but it did affect me, I read the book 'When He's Married to Mom' and discovered I had enmeshment and dependency on my family system, this led me to pressing my parents and discovering their past, and start to uncover how it had affected me. And how this shaped me to have an addiction to porn and an unhealthy relationship with sex. I still have a long journey ahead of me, but have finally after six months started to feel happy again, not feel like my marriage is over, and feel like I am becoming the man I always knew I could be. There's still healing to be done in my relationship, but my wife and I aren't fighting and arguing anymore, I'm not withdrawn from my life anymore, I have been able to help her and hold her up when she is down again. I am regaining everything I was throwing away.

I have lost the fear, shame, anxiety, I don't have PIED anymore, erections are normal again, sex is normal again, my emotions are getting better and more in check, I have become less needy, and more independent.

I will likely post again, but I wanted to start sharing my story, and that there is hope, and things can be better, especially without porn. that this has been a rough journey of quitting porn and rebuilding, but it can be done, I had help from my wife, therapists, close friends, but I am becoming a new man. Everyone else out there can too.
Thumbs up, mate. From one Man to another!
 

Alex 4 Life

New Member
Well done and thank you for posting this. I am only on the start of my journey at 9 days in, but I already resonate with a lot of what you said. I too am focussing on my spiritual side and meditating. by admitting to myself that I have a problem I finally feel that I am starting to heal.

Thanks again and stay strong
 
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