At it again - struggling with keeping myself motivated?

BridgeTri

Member
This is day 6.

Found this forum for the first time around a year ago. At that time I was going through a hurtful separation from my then girlfriend of around 1,5 yrs. We were living together, planning to move into the country side together to start a new life with family and such stuff. At first I didn't realise how my PMO was affecting my relationship - through almost all of it I was honest with my GF about it. When we split up there was so much hurt in the relationship that we couldn't speak together in a normal manner. Therefore we split up and I began this journey "to win her back". After a couple of months we started seeing each other again, but the relationship was still broken even though I hadn't been PMOing since we split up. So we ended things for good.

I then decided to start dating other girls after some weeks but only non-sexual dating with the purpose of just having a good time doing activities outdoors - kayaking, playing disc golf etc. And I started seeing a girl I knew some years earlier (friends with benefits) - having a really good time. Then after a couple of months FWB I broke it off because I met the girl of my dreams - dating on Tinder. She wasn't looking for a BF or anything like that, but quickly our relationship developed (Summer/Autumn 2021). Because of COVID-19 (and her living as ex-pat) pretty much the only people we hung around with was each other. Early - even before we were a couple, I told her about my issues with PMO and how it had affected me and my previous relationships. She was really supportive. Supportive of my wish to quit but also understanding that Rome wasn't built in one day.

In the start (Sep/Oct 2021) it was easy-peasy to quit PMO. We had great fun exploring each other, so I had no sexual energy to even think about PMO. I think i got to day 45-50 or something before I decided to just "take a peek". All this time I was seeing a therapist specialised in sexual disorders like P-addiction and other much worse stuff (yes that does in fact exist). When I started using PMO, taking a peek, I was honest with my therapist, but she didn't seem to really think it was such a big problem that I was occasionally PMOing. She thought that it could be incorporated into a healthy s*x life. I think so too - for those that don't struggle or have struggled with P-addiction. But my addicted mind was so happy that my therapist legitimised my P use and it didn't stop to think even for one second that it could be bad for me.

This winter has been tough. Tough on every possible level and I have NOT been able to resist PMO as well as I would have liked to. I have been sick - admitted to hospital a couple of times, gained a lot of weight due to medication, not been able to work out, being on sick leave (with nothing to do...) on and off for like 1,5-2 months. My girl friend has been struggling too, so when I finally started feeling better like one month ago - she went into the deep. So life has not been ... easy. There is no doubt in my mind that she is the woman I want to spend my life with, but my mind has been returning to PMO to deal with all the stress we've been going through together. All this time Ive been totally honest with her about my occasional PMO. I really admire that she hasn't lost all faith in me, I think thats what's kept me floating. But I still get immensely dissatisfied with myself when I do PMO. I've been struggling with the semi-long game. I get to like 7-10 days all the time to then fall in to the hole again for some days and then back up on the horse. Do you guys think that my mind is just building up for like a week to "get off for real" when I do PMO?

But now y'all know why I'm here - again. I want to be clean. I want to take control over my life, my emotions, my energy and focus it on the things that really matter to me and not what I can come across on a screen. I want to rewire my brain to real connection instead of the dopamine hunt on various tube-sites.

This is day 6. One day at a time. Taking responsibility for my actions, trying to change my life.
 

BridgeTri

Member
This is day 7. One whole week

Loads to do today. Cooking, cleaning, working out and going to work. When stopping for micro breaks I really feel the urge to PMO, but I am now more sure than ever, that I need to withstand.

I will not fail.
 

ShadeTrenicin

Well-Known Member
Hey BridgeTri,

Welcome to the forum! It's a great step in acknowledging to yourself that you are addicted. Although you've been aware of it for quite some time. But still, the step to come on here and share this with us is an important one! So well done my friend!

For what it's worth I suggest that you just read up on the basics and also the other threads. There is a massive amount of information, tips and tricks out there which can help you on your journey.

It will be tough and you will fall of your horse, more than once. But we are always here to help you get back on your feet!


Take care my friend! Onwards to day 8, 9 ,10, and so on!
 

BridgeTri

Member
Hey BridgeTri,

Welcome to the forum! It's a great step in acknowledging to yourself that you are addicted. Although you've been aware of it for quite some time. But still, the step to come on here and share this with us is an important one! So well done my friend!

For what it's worth I suggest that you just read up on the basics and also the other threads. There is a massive amount of information, tips and tricks out there which can help you on your journey.

It will be tough and you will fall of your horse, more than once. But we are always here to help you get back on your feet!


Take care my friend! Onwards to day 8, 9 ,10, and so on!
Thanks a lot, my friend! Feels good that you are rooting for me. I will go back and watch some of the background content / basics today. Have been reading a lot of other guys threads these weeks, will continue that. :)

This is day 8
 

BridgeTri

Member
Day 9

Feeling quite good today. Having a day off with my GF just fixing things around the apartment. She just moved in (while I was having a severe man cold o_O), so a lot to do with organising things. Serious urges when micro breaking, but there is no way I will be surfing for p when she is IN the room. And now that I'm lying in the bed room it's easy to just remove myself from the situation if I get close to PMOing.

Really struggling with the long term perspective in abstaining from PMO today - my mind keeps telling me that there will be no difference apart from the fact that I will miss out on the pleasures of PMO. I know this is NOT true. I know how I felt after being p-free for 40-50 days - so much energy!

Thanks all for doing this with me. Keep it real, don't PMO your life away.
 

ShadeTrenicin

Well-Known Member
Day 9


Really struggling with the long term perspective in abstaining from PMO today - my mind keeps telling me that there will be no difference apart from the fact that I will miss out on the pleasures of PMO. I know this is NOT true. I know how I felt after being p-free for 40-50 days - so much energy!
This, 100% recognizable. It's just like you wrote. Remember the feeling of Emptiness after PMO and remember how good you felt when you were P-free for 50 days! It's just the P talking in your head. Keep strong and eventually that voice will slowly diminish.

What I always do when I have urges is a 6 Point Plan:

1. Recognize the urge
2. Allow that the urge is there (you cannot will it away, let it be and analyze it)
3. Investigate why the urge is there (is there something inside of you that makes you resort to PMO?)
4. Realize that the urge is temporary
5. Recall the feeling of emptiness after a PMO wank
6. (optional if the urge is really strong) Resort to an emergency activity such as sports, anti-sexual activities, other hobbies.

It's just something to make me thing about the urge in itself and allowing you to take some control over the moment.


Good luck my friend, to day 10!
 

BridgeTri

Member
This, 100% recognizable. It's just like you wrote. Remember the feeling of Emptiness after PMO and remember how good you felt when you were P-free for 50 days! It's just the P talking in your head. Keep strong and eventually that voice will slowly diminish.

What I always do when I have urges is a 6 Point Plan:

1. Recognize the urge
2. Allow that the urge is there (you cannot will it away, let it be and analyze it)
3. Investigate why the urge is there (is there something inside of you that makes you resort to PMO?)
4. Realize that the urge is temporary
5. Recall the feeling of emptiness after a PMO wank
6. (optional if the urge is really strong) Resort to an emergency activity such as sports, anti-sexual activities, other hobbies.

It's just something to make me thing about the urge in itself and allowing you to take some control over the moment.


Good luck my friend, to day 10!
Thanks heaps mate! This 5,5 point plan sounds really useful and might be what I try to do, without really realising all the steps one by one. Will use this.

Been away from RN for some days, but been staying strong and doing activities that align with my goals which ofcourse means NO PMO.

I hope you all are having as good a day as I. Talk to you soon

This is day 12.
 

BridgeTri

Member
Day 13.
Urges come and go. When I see a fine looking lady I get excited and since I’m in a relationship I don’t want to act on it. My method to calm myself down has previously been PMO. I don’t do that anymore so I’m back at recognising the urge, exploring it and it’s nature to then let it go again.

Travelling to see family this weekend, so it’ll be a good time to get some distraction and rest.

Talk to you soon!
 

BridgeTri

Member
So... I just slipped. Started with me getting really irritated, then isolating myself, then looking at some tabloid newspapers, then looking at their more sketchy stuff, then P ... M ... O. This was day 15. Now it's day 1.

I dont even feel like being hard on myself, I just need to face the fact that I'm up against a really strong opponent and that a smaller downfall is much better than a bigger one. But I was really looking forward to the possible benefits of getting to 20, 30, 40 + days. Now I'm back at scratch.

Hope you all are doing better!
This is day 1.
 

ShadeTrenicin

Well-Known Member
Hey BridgeTri..

Please elaborate. What happened, when, where, how, how were you feeling, how were the days before, what were your thoughts, any specific triggers, mood.. etc.


Those are a lot of questions, I know. However they all serve a purpose. Relapses are part of the journey, but only if we treat them as incidents we can learn from. They help us understand what drives us, triggers us, our weak spots, etc. It truly helps to write about it so that you can understand yourself better and also what drives your addiction.

Keep strong my friend
 
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