Hey
@Orbiter, I can now address some of these concerns.
Yes, perception is everything here. There may be some 'recovery-centric' beliefs that are disempowering you here. What you're dealing with for sure (and I for one know how this goes) are sensitized neural pathways, and very ingrained (through continuous reinforcement) habit patterns, or behavioral patterns.
Ultimately too weak to break it? By no means, NO! You can and will break it, but not in the conventional 'head-on' ways, grit-your-teeth, all-or-nothing ways of doing it. You have agency, and it's just a matter of regaining confidence in your power to make the right choices you can feel proud about. But, ironically, it won't be through sheer willpower that this is accomplished.
First, notice your wording, "...repeat failure to live up to that standard again and again"
Do away with any standard, if this comes from religious upbringing, the recovery community, or any self-imposed standard. Your only standard should be, 'Was I mindful today?'- even if [perceived] failure occurred, was I mindful during that process? Did I ask the right questions, like, "What was I feeling that I needed to do this?" Or, "Did this do for me what I thought it would?"- things like that.
Do away with all judgement. I know this can be a challenge, but as long as you're seeking to be better, freer, there is no failure as such. There's no such thing as a 'set back', unless we choose to perceive it that way. There are only lessons, and the laboratory of learning that we need to turn this thing into. Take shame and blame 100% off the table, even if it was a prolonged session, even if it stretched into days. Not that we want this, but, what is the scariest scenario? Take the energy of fear, shame and blame out of it. If we no longer obsess about it, then it loses its power. Even if I fall flat on my face, I'll learn from the experience, and I'll learn more about myself- why I did it.
How do we re-empower ourselves? Make little decisions, and stick to them. Go for the low-hanging fruit. Say, I'll leave the phone outside the bathroom when I'm getting ready for bed- today, and do it. This will have the twofold effect of building confidence in your ability to choose, and it will hack into the habit itself, by attacking the micro-habits, or the habit-loops.
The smoking-PMO connection. Quitting smoking is a microcosm of how one's PMO habit will be defeated, too. But just be aware (know thyself) that with PMO, there's beliefs you have that energize it with the anticipation of rewards (like smoking, to a degree), but with more emotional energy behind it. Quitting smoking may be (or may not be) via cold turkey, but it's not likely that PMO will be. But that's okay. We can quit smoking (perhaps) more directly, but the other habit, will be through a more indirect approach.
Quit thinking about it so much. Challenge yourself to be more mindful, in general, and particularly when the process has been triggered- or actions have been taken toward it. Be compassionate, be curious, be non-judgmental. Bring awareness to the table as your main weapon or tool. Step outside of the process, even if the process is going on. Observe it, observe yourself- as an outside observer. You may begin to notice all the different exit-ramps, all the different ways, different things you can do to disrupt the behavior. Practice the pause. Okay, maybe I'll act out later, but not right now. Give it 5 minutes, 5 hours, 5 days, etc..., and if you do this, even with acting out later, that's still a win.
