Thanks Phineas, Blondie & Earthwalker for the continuing, seemingly unwavering support and the birthday wishes! You guys are all in your own individual ways the best, really.
I'll be honest, I was looking at porn a moment ago, just before logging on here. I was at the point where I was about to say 'fuck it Orbiter, you've gone this far you might as well PMO' but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Maybe i'm just too desensitized or something by now but I realized after the curiosity waned that I didn't want to. There was this voice in my head repeating,
'If it weren't for the damage this stuff has done to your life, you wouldn't be trying to escape right now'
'It's just porn, nothing more'
'You're 38! How much longer are you going to keep living like this'
'If you keep on going through with this, nothing will get better and nothing will ever change.'
'You don't want this, don't torture yourself anymore'
My brain wouldn't let me do it. That's why i'm writing this now instead of PMOing.
I regret it but i'm glad I stopped.
Still, a lapse is a lapse and I need to stay true to myself and reset my counter.
I'm going to log off, cook dinner, watch a movie and go to bed.
It's Day 0 today