Sharing my story.

tl23

Member
Hello all! My name is J and I'm feeling hopeful and optimistic to be here.

For as long as I can remember, but more specifically for the past 10+ years, I've struggled with addiction to engaging in sexual behavior online. In the beginning, it was just porn -- but it started to escalate throughout many relationships in my life. It eventually spiraled to paying for cam girls to eventually visiting chat sites, to then sexting with people and exchanging pictures on various apps and text messaging. I've been in committed relationships throughout this that have brought me various levels of joy but, even when I've tried, I have never been able to stop these behaviors.

Two months ago, for the first time, I sought help and found a therapist that I've been seeing weekly. She's the first person I've ever shared this with and I've started a journey to stopping these behaviors and getting to the root of it all. Some days are great - some are difficult. While I've limited my behaviors and been more conscious of them since starting therapy, I still feel the urge to go back to old habits very often.

It's hard to explain how/why I got here. As a young person, I struggled with so many insecurities with my weight and body image. When I was 20 I lost 120+ lbs and that changed everything. It was the first time in my life I felt like women noticed me and that made things spiral severely. I had such a high from feeling "wanted" "desired" but struggled with body image and self-esteem issues. I've always had a high sex drive, for as long as I can remember. I'm married, now, and I'm really happy in my marriage. However, we've struggled with intimacy and have not been sexually intimate for some time now (1.5-2 years). This deprivation definitely exasperates my problem - but it's something my wife and I are working on.

Anyway - I look forward to hearing others' stories and finding hope here. Thanks for reading.
 
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