Ok I had a close one today. I was downloading an e-book from a website (perhaps not entirely legaly) and had a VPN on, and suddenly on the website I saw a link for porn file. I realized that since I had the VPN on, my porn blocker didn't work, I suppose it goes around the DNS. Suddenly there was this anxiety that all that keeps me from peeking is one click, and there is no porn blocker to stop me. And there were these thoughts, curiosity what the porn is about.. maybe I could just look at the title screen, or look at some of screenshots from the scene, that can't hurt, just to see what it's about. I didn't do it. However a name of the actress was in the title, and I thought it sounded familiar so I typed it into google. Not to look at any of her scenes, just see her face, to remind myself. When I saw what links popped up in google, I suddenly realized what was happening, and almost woke up from my transe state. My mind is bulshitting me. I closed all the tabs immediately.
I din't peek or anything, however I realize this was a small slip. I stopped myself now, but had I been in a different state of mind, perhaps I wouldn't be able to stop. Actually this VPN thing caused a relapse for me about 1-2 months ago, shortly after I first installed the blocker. But I had forgot about it since then so it caught me by surprise. Well let this be a learning lesson for me - next time I will use a VPN I will try and be aware that there is this danger and anticipate it. I know that eventually I will want to be able to stay clean even without relying on a porn blocker, however this shows me how important it is for me at this stage.