For Freedom

Rumson

Member
Day 14

Well now...Not sure if it's related but I'm feeling quite down these last coupleof days. Never experienced any withdrawals in the past because this is the longest I've avoided porn in a very long time. I've had the same thoughts as yesterday of going back to some videos I remember quite well. I hope I forget them quickly. I don't want to be reminded of that nonsense.

If something comes easy, it's probably not worth it, and this is not easy, so we're gonna fight it.
 

Rumson

Member
Day 15

Today wasn't particulary tough. I wasn;t so much tempted by porn but just my thoughts about some ladies I saw throuhgout the day that bothered me a little.

I was movitaved by some video on YouTube saying that getting past day 14 already means that things will get a little easier. I'm continuing the fight and looking back.

A life with porn is no life at all. It is not an option as Blondie says.
 

Rumson

Member
Day 17

I've had some serious temptation with some videos I saw on Instagram and I was trying to justify masturbation but the problem is the dopamine high. I disregarded the thoughts saying its okay because it's not. Just one hit at this stage and I'll be reeling back. I think I need to wait a long time for my brain to rewire itself and I can't afford a slip up now.

What has helped you all continue after day 17? Still standing strong and I realize my self control is growing whereas in the past I would have jumped in the opportunity to watch porn as soon as possible. I do feel that it's a little harder now to resist but for now, we're still growing strong.
 
Great progress getting to 17 days Rumson!

To answer your question, I struggle a lot and can relate to the feeling of trying to (not) justify PMO
But it's always easier when I have extra mental space to think about my actions - self-awareness basically
If I can recognize when I'm feeling the pull, it usually helps me get over it
It's when I do things mindlessly that's the problem
So I think the fact you recognize yourself feeling the pull is a positive sign

If I need help in the moment I often come here and read people's journals - usually helps me get back on track
Not sure if this helps, but stay strong and stay porn-free brother! 💪
 

Rumson

Member
Day 21

Thanks for the reply. I appreciate the feedback.

There's still a lot of time left in the day but things are going well. I have a lot more self-control when it comes to seeing videos and images that I never had before. The one issue I need to work on is my self-confidence. It's not as high as I would like it to be and I have a lot of negative self talk. I'm exercising 5 times a week currently and going to work on eating very healthily in the coming weeks and I'll be going through some videos and see what others have to say on the subject.

Hope you're all doing well in your battles. Porn is no longer an option and nothing good comes from it.
 
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Rumson

Member
Day 34 and then Day 1...

So this journey has been the first time that I reached the milestone of 34 days. Its' been more than ever before yet yesterday and today I relapsed two times. It was easier to give in today than yesterday.

I was tired yesterday and a little disappointed with some circumstances I found myself in. One of them being lonely and not having too many people to talk to (living in a foreign country where the first language is not English so it makes things difficult.)

I was watching a twitch stream of a pretty lady and I guess I was just focused on it too much, I didn't walk away and I didn't close the stream and yeah, it was pretty easy to give in after exposing myself to that for too long. I guess my emotions and physical condition didn't help at the time. Today kind of same thing. So today is day 1.

Any advice on relapses and going forward from the experienced people here? We have to get up and continue the fight.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Hey Rumson, sorry to hear about your relapse. I was in a foreign country once and found myself lonely as well and one day did the same thing. It's isolating not being able to connect with people without speaking their language etc.

So today is day 1.

Any advice on relapses and going forward from the experienced people here? We have to get up and continue the fight.
First of all, if 34 days was your longest streak ever, than congrats! That is a huge achievement. I would suggest that, although it is day 1 as far as your counter goes, not to think about it in this way.

Let's say theoretically that your next streak is 30 days, well then, out of 64 days you only looked at porn twice! I find if you think about your progress in this sense, it's a little easy to get back up and moving again. Yes it sucks when we fall back to porn, but in the grand scheme of things, we actually are improving.

Again, nice job on 34 days, that really is a big deal.

Best

Blondie
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Any advice on relapses and going forward from the experienced people here? We have to get up and continue the fight.

Hi, Rumson. It sounds like you've already done some analysis on what went wrong. Use that knowledge to tweek your plan, get up, and go forward.

As Blondie said, you're not really at 'day 1', just the streak is reset. But you've not lost all your progress so far. Lapses are typically a part of recovery, just get up and go forward. You will beat your latest streak soon.
 
Sorry to hear about the relapse Rumson
But as Blondie and Phineas said - your progress so far is not lost
Get straight back on the horse and continue with recovery. And don't forget you successfully beat your longest streak ever. That's something to be proud of
You got this brother! 💪
 

Rumson

Member
So everyone, I'm back here after 3 months of being addicted to porn again and not avoiding it for more than a day or two at a time. If all all you read are these first two sentences then let me tell you: PORN WILL DESTROY YOUR LIFE. It affects you in ways unseen, your thinking, your behavior your character and a bit of a rock bottom experience made me come back here just to share and look for the support from men who are experiencing the same struggle as I am.

I feel that I have no self control again whereas I did a couple of months ago in my 30 day streak. My question is:

What has been working for all of you?

How do you remind yourself of why you are engaged in this battle?

How do you go about avoiding triggers and relapses?

I look forward to reading your replies.
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Hi, Rumson. I will answer your questions. You did 30 before, you will do even better next time! Check your determination and change your plan or approach to give yourself a re-energized recovery.

What has been working for all of you?

I've changed my phone routine, and don't get onto social media except 1x a week for a free-day. An exception is if I'm actively posting. Even then, I'm careful of the content I watch.

I'm not always perfect or in 'strict compliance', but when I do veer from this, I know darn well I'm probably acting out, and I can then address what's emotionally behind it.

How do you remind yourself of why you are engaged in this battle?

If I'm not coming on here daily (which I've not been), it has been such a decades-long battle, it's hard for me to not be reminded. At this point, I'm like not wanting to think about it. But, tracking my latest streak- or my last lapse- is a way to remind myself that I'm going forward.

Deeper than that, keeping in mind your goals and dreams is the biggest motivator, and to truly see P, PMO, MO as obstacles to who you want to be.

How do you go about avoiding triggers and relapses?

Avoidance is the wrong approach, I think. Not purposely putting ourselves in harm's way is common sense, but 'avoiding' gives 'triggers' too much power, gives porn some supernatural external power that it just doesn't have.

Two things:

One, allowing life to be life, with its 'triggers' or cues, and yet dismissing urges, neither feeding nor fighting them, teaches you that you're in control, and gives you your power back.

Second, as you create new habits that replace the unwanted habits, you'll find that what 'triggers' you changes over time. A bill-board with a scantily clad female on it just doesn't affect you any more- as an example.
 
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Rumson

Member
Hi, Rumson. I will answer your questions. You did 30 before, you will do even better next time! Check your determination and change your plan or approach to give yourself a re-energized recovery.

What has been working for all of you?

I've changed my phone routine, and don't get onto social media except 1x a week for a free-day. An exception is if I'm actively posting. Even then, I'm careful of the content I watch.

I'm not always perfect or in 'strict compliance', but when I do veer from this, I know darn well I'm probably acting out, and I can then address what's emotionally behind it.

How do you remind yourself of why you are engaged in this battle?

If I'm not coming on here daily (which I've not been), it has been such a decades-long battle, it's hard for me to not be reminded. At this point, I'm like not wanting to think about it. But, tracking my latest streak- or my last lapse- is a way to remind myself that I'm going forward.

Deeper than that, keeping in mind your goals and dreams is the biggest motivator, and to truly see P, PMO, MO as obstacles to who you want to be.

How do you go about avoiding triggers and relapses?

Avoidance is the wrong approach, I think. Not purposely putting ourselves in harm's way is common sense, but 'avoiding' gives 'triggers' too much power, gives porn some supernatural external power that it just doesn't have.

Two things: One, allowing life to be life, with its 'triggers' or cues, and yet dismissing urges, yet not acting to, nor reacting to them, teaches you that you're in control, and gives you your power back. Second, as you create new habits that replace the unwanted habits, you'll find that what 'triggers' you changes over time. A bill-board with a scantily clad female on it just doesn't affect you any more- as an example.
Thank you kindly for the time you took to reply.
I'll have a think about the approach , the why and way moving forward.
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Thank you kindly for the time you took to reply.
I'll have a think about the approach , the why and way moving forward.

Definitely, brother! I always like your 'profile picture'- breaking chains. What I've been saying a lot lately is: repetition built these chains and only repetition will break them. It takes a habit to break a habit. Good luck, and blessings.
 

WinkTinkTillium

Active Member
Hi @Rumson welcome back and i hope you find renewed control and success over the next few days, then weeks etc.

In regards to feedback on three questions:

What has been working for all of you?
-
i personally only found renewed success over the last 6.5 weeks after failing for about 4 years straight. What caused headway was trying to figure out all of the why's behind what caused me to seek or use Porn and MO as a release. That was Work Stress, Home Stress, Self Worth/Self Image, struggles with my Fiancé, and lack of knowledge and understanding how P and MO to P affected the brain. so instead of trying to do everything at once i actually started with educating myself more on the affects of porn and MO on the brain and body (learned or relearned everything i could), then started working on things with my Fiancé and family more, then i started to lift weights at the gym every other day. Only after i started to build those other positive behaviors to eliminate triggers was i able to restart my current streak with most success i have seen yet

How do you remind yourself of why you are engaged in this battle?
-
this was one of my hardest lessons because prior when i reminded myself the why i would only be met with shame and self pity due to failures and feeling like so much time is wasted. What's different this time. I made myself angry, furious that i havent beat this yet. Then i turned the anger and fury into drive. then into practice, then into discipline to not waste another single second of my life feeling like that any more. First few weeks are the hardest its honestly pure willpower until you start building the better behaviors i detail below and above.

How do you go about avoiding triggers and relapses?
-
i made myself busy is a simple way of looking at it. House projects, going to the gym, projects at work, board game nights versus playing video games, a new hobby i had to learn, reduction in screen time (phone pc etc) . A combination of replacing bad habits with positives ones that only build myself into a better person as time goes forward. you may fail but every time you fail try to learn and try something different until you find what works for you.

This journey isn't just a only how do i beat Porn Addiction etc., its really about creating a better life in every way possible.
 

Rumson

Member
Hi @Rumson welcome back and i hope you find renewed control and success over the next few days, then weeks etc.

In regards to feedback on three questions:

What has been working for all of you?
-
i personally only found renewed success over the last 6.5 weeks after failing for about 4 years straight. What caused headway was trying to figure out all of the why's behind what caused me to seek or use Porn and MO as a release. That was Work Stress, Home Stress, Self Worth/Self Image, struggles with my Fiancé, and lack of knowledge and understanding how P and MO to P affected the brain. so instead of trying to do everything at once i actually started with educating myself more on the affects of porn and MO on the brain and body (learned or relearned everything i could), then started working on things with my Fiancé and family more, then i started to lift weights at the gym every other day. Only after i started to build those other positive behaviors to eliminate triggers was i able to restart my current streak with most success i have seen yet

How do you remind yourself of why you are engaged in this battle?
-
this was one of my hardest lessons because prior when i reminded myself the why i would only be met with shame and self pity due to failures and feeling like so much time is wasted. What's different this time. I made myself angry, furious that i havent beat this yet. Then i turned the anger and fury into drive. then into practice, then into discipline to not waste another single second of my life feeling like that any more. First few weeks are the hardest its honestly pure willpower until you start building the better behaviors i detail below and above.

How do you go about avoiding triggers and relapses?
-
i made myself busy is a simple way of looking at it. House projects, going to the gym, projects at work, board game nights versus playing video games, a new hobby i had to learn, reduction in screen time (phone pc etc) . A combination of replacing bad habits with positives ones that only build myself into a better person as time goes forward. you may fail but every time you fail try to learn and try something different until you find what works for you.

This journey isn't just a only how do i beat Porn Addiction etc., its really about creating a better life in every way possible.
Appreciate the feedback. It helps and gives some perspective. Thanks a lot.
 

Rumson

Member
Day 1

Had a day off and was a little tired all day. Too much free time this early in the reset wasn't good. I'll need to figure out what causes the triggers.

I spent the morning reading up about the effects of porn on our brains and it's scary seeing those effects present in my life.

I won't update here too often unless I think something worth mentioning. I hope you are all standing strong and making progress and taking back your life from this addiction.
 
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