The boring reboot

discobolus

Active Member
82 days no PMO and 95 days of no ED.

Things are going pretty well. It’s pretty much become a new habit of no porn or masturbation. I don’t really have any significant urges. Oh, I’m definitely noticing women and when I see a picture of a pretty woman I will desire to seek out more but recognizing that and stopping it right away isn’t that hard.

Sex had been good with the wife and her libido has seemed to have increased during this process. The lack of ED has probably helped tremendously with that because she doesn’t have negative feelings associated with sex for some time now. Instead of every 3-4 nights it’s every 2-3 now. I’m content with that for now.
 

discobolus

Active Member
90 Days No PMO

Well I made it to the benchmark of 90 days and of course I’m proud of myself but I know this has to be a lifetime change.

I’ve masturbated (with or without porn) zero times during this time period. That is probably the biggest thing I’ve done different this time around. In previous attempts I’d masturbate if I got the urge. Each time would make me want to do it more and eventually porn was involved.

I had sex with my wife 32 times during this time period. My sensations were heightened and it felt more pleasurable and more intimate.

I had zero episodes of ED during the reboot. In past attempts where I continued to masturbate I continued to have ED and quite frankly couldn’t see any difference in ED whether I was looking at porn or I wasn’t.

I’m still taking ED pills but I plan on tapering off those as my reboot continues as well as losing weight and improving my health. In the past taking a Viagra was no guarantee that I wouldn’t get ED.

Finally I want to say that staying off social media especially Instagram has been very helpful. Sure I see beautiful women in real life and I might do the occasional double take. I might see a good looking woman on my routine internet surfing and look for a bit but I’m getting better and better at not lingering and catching myself when I do.

I’d also like to say is don’t over complicate or over dramatize this process. Don’t think of it as this big arduous journey and it won’t be. It’s really as simple as just not doing something.

I’m a Christian but I would also warn about not over spiritualizing the process. One thing I did early on was to ask for healing. I never prayed for strength to resist temptation I prayed to have all temptation taken away. That is the temptation to get off to pixels. A healthy libido for real women is normal but must be channeled properly.
 

discobolus

Active Member
So I’m at 92 days no PMO. I’m doing well, habits have been established, and I feel like I’m at a new normal. I don’t want to use the term auto-pilot because I need to stay mindful but that’s kind of where I am now.

It’s time to start tackling my next addiction which is food. I was wondering if anyone was aware of a site such as this aimed at men with food addiction. I think a message board would be helpful for support.
 

discobolus

Active Member
92 Days No PMO

In light of my last post regarding a community of binge eaters or overeaters I did a little searching and I don’t think I’ll be going that route. I think this forum is pretty decent but so many self help forums seem to be the blind leading the blind. Some of the marriage forums have been particularly bad as I’ve discussed before. I started reading a book entitled Never Binge Again and it has been very good so far. I also listened to a podcast where he explained the system. One thing that stood out was he didn’t think that counting days of sobriety was ultimately that helpful. You have to change your mindset to being the type of person who doesn’t look at porn, doesn’t binge eat, etc. He pointed out that no one would ever say it’s been X days since I’ve robbed a bank of you aren’t the type of person who robs banks. I think part of my success this time around has been redefining who I am and what I do. So many of the journals here define this almost like going to war and I don’t think that’s right. He also mentioned in the podcast that there isn’t any scientific evidence to really back up the 12 Step approach to addictions. I’ve never had success with that. I went to meetings years ago where guys sit around a table and each person recounted how much porn they looked at the last week. It was actually quite depressing. There were some old timers who seemed to have some victory but most didn’t. There was also a therapist that many men in the group went to and that man almost ruined my marriage. When we were having a difficult time my wife went to see him as well and he all but told her to divorce me. Now here we are 10 years later with 2 wonderful kids, 2 very successful careers, and a happy relationship.
 

discobolus

Active Member
97 days no PMO

After 109 days of no ED it kind of snuck up on me. I was having a little bit of delayed ejaculation at least compared to normal and I think I just got worn out and lost it. In the past I would have moped and requested a hand job but I tried my best to act nonchalant, laughed a bit, and just said we’ll try again tomorrow.

I’m doing really well with my diet currently on day 4. I was slightly tempted to eat some junk food after the ED and very slightly tempted to masturbate but decided not to.
 

discobolus

Active Member
98 days no PMO

ED happened again last night. It has corresponded with a change in diet. Specifically a huge calorie deficit. This isn’t unusual for me as that was the circumstances the last time I had ED before this long streak. I’m doing great with my diet and making progress. I’m still having free meals 3 nights a week but I have a calorie and time limit on those so they aren’t out of control at all. I’ll give it a few more days to see if there is a trend but will probably add some extra calories to my meal plan.
 

discobolus

Active Member
100 days no PMO
7 days no binge eating

I’m down 13 pounds in the last week. It’s obviously mostly water weight but it’s water weight I needed to lose. I’m still eating very tasty food 3 days a week but there are strict rules. I limit it to 2000 calories, 60 minutes or less, and last meal of the day. Last night I enjoyed a half a large pizza, some Mochi and some Boba Tea. I was done after about 30 minutes and that’s the last free meal until Monday night. My goal is to get below a certain weight by the time schools starts back and then I’m going to start lifting and cardio again.

The ED didn’t happen last night. Went skinny dipping with the wife in the pool and although it wasn’t that scene from Showgirls it was pretty similar with a lot less noise.
 

discobolus

Active Member
I’ll probably be talking a lot more about my diet and exercise efforts from here on. I’ve put together a good PMO streak and it’s pretty easy at this point. My guard is up don’t get me wrong but it’s not something I’m thinking about constantly anymore (the process of quitting that is). I still have some occasional dreams about porn but these days it’s more sex dreams with an actual person. I had to fight off the advances of a woman who wasn’t my wife in a dream the thee night.
 

discobolus

Active Member
102 days no PMO
9 days no Binge Eating

Things seem to be working again down south. I went skinny dipping with the wife again and had a great time. Maybe it was the Metformin because I’m still eating in a huge calorie deficit.

This week and next week are going to be challenging both in regards to porn and eating. I’m traveling solo to go to the Track and Field World Championships. The wife and kids were coming originally but after our spring break vacation she decided they couldn’t tolerate watching a track meet all day for 5 days. So I’ll be in a hotel room by myself. That is the exact circumstances of my relapse 10 years ago after a year and a half of sobriety. This time will be different though. For one thing if my room has adult pay per view I’ll ask the front desk to disable it immediately. I’ll also stay busy and be having fun the whole time unlike the last time which was a medical conference that lasted all day and into the evening.
 

Percival

Member
So I’ll be in a hotel room by myself. That is the exact circumstances of my relapse 10 years ago after a year and a half of sobriety.

When I've had success against problems like that it has come through active planning, which is what you're doing. Relapses happen when our responsible self doesn't plan for what to do when bored/horny self is in control. Good job and good luck!
 

discobolus

Active Member
Well the ED doesn’t seem to be a problem anymore since I stopped the Metformin. I have pool sex 3 out of the last 4 nights. My wife’s libido seems to be up as well. I think she’s always had a high libido but she’s had concerns about me being able to perform 2 days in a row so at least subconsciously or maybe even consciously she’s giving me a rest. Anyway going on day 104 of no PMO.
 

discobolus

Active Member
108 Days No PMO
15 days no binge eating

I’m staying strong but I’m struggling a bit. I’m attending the Track and Field World Championships solo. Alone time in my hotel room hasn’t been an issue because I’m not there much and when I get back in the evening I’m exhausted and go straight to bed. There wasn’t any sort of PPV in my room so that was good. Probably the biggest issue is being away from my wife and our regular sex life and just seeing a constant parade all day of young really fit women in both the competitors but also some of the spectators. I’ve been having more dreams lately about women coming on to me and me having to shut them down.

The eating thing might even be harder because I see great restaurants all over town. I’m allowing myself 2 free meals while I’m here but that means most days are very healthy eating.

I’m doing it though and that’s what matters.
 

discobolus

Active Member
0 Days No PMO

I had a great streak there but it came to an end. It’s no excuse but I was just away from my wife for too long and was around just a constant display of very attractive bodies. I had a lot of free time yesterday and I hung out for too long in my hotel room. It escalated from fantasy to listening to ASMR moaning sex sounds on YouTube to videos.

All is not lost. I made some good progress and that’s just not going to go away completely in less than 24 hours. Here’s to beating my record (I made it slightly over 110 days).
 

discobolus

Active Member
It’s been 16 days since I’ve posted. I wouldn’t say I’ve absolutely binged on porn because I haven’t and in that time period I’ve maybe masturbated 3-4 times, I’m not entirely sure. My ED has gotten worse. Since I’ve returned from my trip I’ve had ED 2 out of 6 times we’ve had sex. I’ve also not done well with my diet and I’m far off course on that.

It’s extremely frustrating because it seems like everything was going so smoothly. I had a 110 days of sobriety and felt like I had made great strides toward beating it. My sex life was going good with next time no ED and when I did have it I could pinpoint exactly what caused it. My wife and I were having sex 2 and even 3 nights in a row. I felt like our relationship was great with no tension whatsoever and getting along really well. Now I feel really anxious and can’t pinpoint why. I feel resentful toward my wife and I don’t like it. It’s also not helpful that she was gone all of last week for a legal training and will be gone all of next week for another one as well. It bugs me that she is so hard to get hold of and rarely answers the phone when I call and often doesn’t read or respond to my texts for hours but will stop talking mid-sentence to answer a text when we are at home in the evening.

Another thing that bothers me and I haven’t said anything is 2 weeks ago she had attended a street music event in our small town. She stayed out late and was hanging with her work friends and drinking. I ended up working really late and when I got home it was 11:00 and a bunch of her work friends were over in our pool and they were all drinking. Many of these work friends were men and although they were there with their spouses and I know nothing untoward was going on it bothered me. She would have gone apeshit if she had come home from work and I was in the pool drinking with a bunch of nurses from work.
 

discobolus

Active Member
1 Day No PMO

Not really much to say other than that first day is always kind of hard. It’s hard not because the cravings are so severe but your brain plays tricks on you. You start saying you haven’t got much invested yet so if you look at porn one more time it’s no big deal because you can always start tomorrow and you haven’t busted a big streak or anything.

I have put one day together and nearly 2 at this point. I’ll try to post here daily for at least the first 90 days or so.
 

discobolus

Active Member
2 days no PMO

My wife has been very busy this summer with going to work conferences. I don’t feel like we’ve seen each other much. I work a 7 days on 7 days off schedule. I come home in the evenings but often pretty late. It seems like the last few weeks whenever I’m off one of us is out of town. When this current conference is over we will have only been together 12 out of 28 nights.
We had sex last night which was 2 nights in a row so that was good. I had some difficulty getting an erection but once I did it worked quite well. We’ve been having sex standing up in our swimming pool a lot lately. When I left town a few weeks ago algae sit in and it turned green. I’ve managed to get it blue but it’s still cloudy. My goal is to have it crystal clear blue when she comes back on Thursday night.
I’m definitely feeling some temptation right now but I can manage.
 

discobolus

Active Member
3 Days No PMO

I feel generally better than I did the first few days. I had a super stressful day a few days back. I was having a tough day at work and my wife texted me that our AC went out. It’s hitting highs in the upper 90s to low 100s for weeks in a row now. On my way home from work that night I had a tire blow out as I pulled into my driveway. Then to add insult to injury I was having issues with my pool and it had turned dark green and cloudy. The AC is now fixed. I’m getting new tires as I type this and by the end of the day I should have the pool back to crystal clear and blue. So I’ve worked through a few stressors there.

I talked to my wife on the phone last night. I’ve been mad at her but I think I’m just missing her and need to reconnect. We’ve been apart 16 out of the last 28 days. I know that’s normal for many couples but not for us and not ideal.
 

SimonM

Active Member
Life has tested you and you've stayed strong. Keep it up!

I find that becoming resentful of my wife is a normal part of the recovery. I go from wanting her like mad, to feeling barely any attraction, to being mad at her, to finding some balance eventually... I think maybe we project our own state of mind onto our partners? As much as possible open and honest communication with our partners, I am sure, is very good. Even just to let give them a heads up when we're not in a great place.
 
  • Like
Reactions: GBS
Top