Crawling from the wreckage

TryingHarder

Active Member
Earlier in my reboot, I decided to MO once every 30 days. That was good. Then, I started to MO too often. Not good. Currently frustrated, since I have set boundaries and rules and I'm sticking to them. Which pretty much means no MO. Every time I get the urge, I know that it's really motivated by stress and bad vibes, not my libido, so I say no. It feels like sticking to a diet - but not losing weight! :p
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
Makes sense to me too. The diet analogy - you are losing weight metaphorically, the brain is changing. Just those changes are more subtle now you’re further down the line. But you are changing.
 
@TryingHarder I just read your fantastic journal and two things really stood out too me....wow....you have a lot of attractive woman at your work...LOL...I'm just messing with ya..... but what really got me was the battle in your mind of whether to MO or not and your feelings around that.
I understand why you guys try to avoid MO through recovery, but I have some interesting thoughts on it from a woman's perspective which I'll share with you tomorrow.

Congrats on reaching 5 months.
 

TryingHarder

Active Member
At the moment, my libido seems very much lost in space. Earlier in the reboot, it seemed pretty healthy: I was noticing real women again, keeping away from porn, and using my imagination during MO. Yes, thinking about women at work or a cute waitress seems sleazy and wrong, but anything is better than porn, right? (At least that's what my troubled mind tells me.) But for the past couple of weeks, knowing that any urge to MO is really just stress and anxiety manifesting itself in a weird way - the same pattern that led me into a porn addiction in the first place - I know that I just can't.

So, basically, I just really want to be in a good mood and have an orgasm. :rolleyes:
 
So, basically, I just really want to be in a good mood and have an orgasm. :rolleyes:
I've been reading a bit of stuff recently about cold water emersion, ice baths, plunge pools etc, and how it's great for low mood, anxiety and depression, but can also boost libido.......apparently it makes you feel alive!
 

TryingHarder

Active Member
Day 156 (no PMO), day 0 (no MO).

Sadly, I gave into depression and bad vibes and MO yesterday. And I thought about a favourite porn girl while doing so. Feeling pretty dumb today, but not the end of the world. Back to wishing I was in a good mood and wanting an orgasm for healthy and positive reasons.
 
Don’t be too hard on yourself @TryingHarder …..clearly the cold shower didn’t work 😜😜😜
I think fantasying is a pretty normal part of MO, I think you just need to focus on your relationship with your thought process.
It was just one porn girl you were thinking about not a whole clan, and I presume no crazy stuff, that’s something to be celebrated I think😊
 

TryingHarder

Active Member
Thanks, @Beautiful1973. But I broke my own rules for MO, which are: 1) I have to be in a good mood 2) don't think about porn girls and/or porn scenarios 3) I should be aroused by real women (not pictures on a screen). I was able to follow those rules earlier in my reboot, but have strayed. Once again, not the end of the world, but also feeling like I should certainly know better by now.

BTW, the cold shower thing is kind of fun! 🤪 I have read articles that debate how well they actually work, but there is no denying that they can be invigorating.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
@TryingHarder
Thank you for sharing and being open and honest. This is the only way to beat addiction.
Also be kind to yourself. You were trying to help yourself in the few ways you know how during emergencies.

Personally i see relapses as a good thing. It reveals a lot of hidden details and when used properly, gives a lot of clues how to improve and relapse less moving forward.

Having said that, I would like to encourage you in 3 ways:

1. Study
2. Supplement
3. Work towards your goals

1. Study


Prepare yourself for the post MO emotional ride

Probably what we also go through during withdrawal. I'll stay away from medication if possible.

2. Supplementation
EPA
Sun
Socializing
Sleep

3. Goals
Your relapse tells you that you may not have enough replacement strategies to accumulate good feelings, and alternatives to craving moods. That's ok. Keep working towards them.

Relapses to me are like nicotine patches. As we move away from our addiction, sometimes we need a little help.
With longer and longer time between relapses, we learn how to adjust back to dependency free living and alternative ways instead of addictive material to help us in times of need.

Never give up. You got this!
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Btw my last relapse/release was also in desperation a little over a month ago. I weighed that it was much needed to get over a stressful bump in my life.

Interesting observations of my own were:
1. The emotional attachments were less now
2. I was very prepared and anticipated the coming refractory period and changing craving challenges in week 1,2,3 & 4 post MO.

Studies and knowledge helped me alot instead of moving blindly though the body cycles.

PAWS was something I looked up and found after reading your post today. So you helped me too.

The more we know, the better we are.
 

TryingHarder

Active Member
Just shared something in another thread that I wanted to include in my own journal...

An addiction isn't something you can make compromises on.

"Okay, quitting porn isn't going to be easy, so I'll allow myself to anxiety eat while I reboot."
"Man, I'm feeling so terrible after my father died. I'll go back to porn for a few weeks to help me get through it."


At the moment, I'm not doing so well when it comes to mental health for a variety of reasons. However, the important difference is that I now have the clarity to know porn and other bad behaviour isn't the answer. I would rather be depressed and clean than depressed and addicted.

No relapses, no retreat!
 
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