Crawling from the wreckage

Ezel

Respected Member
it's so important to find ways to change up your daily routine and habits. Take a walk, exercise, get together with friends, read a book, listen to music
if you can't put your brain to work on useful stuff, habits and routines that could benefit you, eventually, your brain will get bored and try to get you back into porn.
I couldn't agree more.
 

TryingHarder

Well-Known Member
Day 26. Same as before: so far, so good. I am certainly having more and more sexual thoughts, and do my best to have an "out of body" experience, examine my thoughts, and ask myself why. Is is the addiction trying to make a comeback? Is it a misguided urge based on stress or anxiety? Is it my imagination and libido making a comeback already? Either way, I'm saying no and sticking to the 90-day plan.
 

TryingHarder

Well-Known Member
Day 28. Still so far, so good. Desire to PMO is pretty much zero. But something interesting is happening.

I've been having sexual thoughts about a woman at work. Nothing sleazy or kinky, just a good ol' attraction. In the first few weeks of my reboot, I pretty much kiboshed all sexual thoughts, because a) I knew it would be the porn addiction trying to reassert itself, and b) I figured any sexual thoughts were misguided.

Feeling this attraction to this woman feels "good", even though odds are we will never have a sexual relationship. 😏 I'm thinking / hoping that this is my libido coming back. With my addiction, any sexual urges were always a misguided and grotesque response to stress and depression. Now that my head is clearer, my current sexual desires feel very natural and positive.
 

GBS

Respected Member
Thanks @TryingHarder that’s all good stuff. A long and interesting read. Some of it confusing insofar as it was inconsistent with other opinions. One guy says your reboot needs to be so clean that you have zero fantasies at home and no contact with women at home so there can be no objectification. We’ll that’s a) hard anyway, and b) impossible if you live with your wife. Anyway I realise the real point is that trying not to latch back on to fantasies is the point, and a good one. And that’s a little depressing as it takes away our last little bit of fun. That said, I agree with that. I will try even harder.

keep posting.
 

espresso123

Member
But ultimately, you're just a very disturbed guy who's fapping in front of his computer
Hey man. Thought I would visit your journal. Just read your first post. It was awesome. This sentence made me literally laugh out loud (hope that was Ok) because that is the reality. I could add "But ultimately jimf420, you're just...". It's so true. There is actually relief for me in that sentence, because the fantasy is just that. Fantasy. All that is really going on, is exactly what you said.

Looks like tomorrow you will have 30 days (base on your last post)? That inspires me tons. Proud of you. Keep it up!
 

TryingHarder

Well-Known Member
Yeah, that IS the reality! I think if we all had some kind of surveillance video of ourselves fapping in front of our computers and realize THIS is what I'm really doing, it would be a slap in the face and bring us back to reality.
 

TryingHarder

Well-Known Member
Today marks 30 days clean from addiction and PMO. This is a good milestone, and so far I'm feeling good with no urges or temptations to relapse.
 

TryingHarder

Well-Known Member
Day 32. Decided to experiment with some MO this afternoon. It was great, actually. I needed the release and the pleasurable feelings. Of course, certain porn-related images danced around in my head at first, but then it became a matter of just enjoying the sensations. And now, back to the reboot. :sneaky:
 

GBS

Respected Member
We’ll done. Latch onto the great feeling. It’s a reward. You don’t get rewards like that if you pack up smoking, or drinking or gam bling, you just get withdrawal. It’s great when you KNOW that you yourself have mended part of your brain.

Keep writing. You help me.
 

TryingHarder

Well-Known Member
Day 39. Still doing good. No PMO urges, and only vague MO ideas.

I've noticed something: although I'm staying away from porn and porn substitutes, I'm noticing a bit more mindless scrolling and loitering on the internet. It's like something in my head is trying to solve a problem, or asking a question where there isn't an answer. I figure it's the addiction trying to feebly reinforce itself. I picture some pathetic, down and out guy dressed in rags, prowling a dumpster in some back alley, saying "dopamine, I gotta have some dopamine!" :D Nice try, but you ain't getting any!
 

GBS

Respected Member
39 days is very good. You have strength and resolve and you probably feel like a new man up to a point. Try doing less on the internet or just s-end more time on this forum.

You help me bro. Keep going.
 

TryingHarder

Well-Known Member
Day 41. Some definite urges to look at porn started happening today. While meditating on "why?" I realized that I faced some (minor) rejection at work today. No big deal, but then once home from work, the sleazy voice inside my head started talking: Well, why not go to the magic world of porn, where there is no rejection? I don't think so.
 

AAron79

Member
Day 41. Some definite urges to look at porn started happening today. While meditating on "why?" I realized that I faced some (minor) rejection at work today. No big deal, but then once home from work, the sleazy voice inside my head started talking: Well, why not go to the magic world of porn, where there is no rejection? I don't think so.
Congrats on the self realization today. It can be rough to ask why instead of giving in. Glad to hear your still fighting, 41 days is inspiring. I'm on day 10 now and this makes me feel like it's possible.
 

GBS

Respected Member
Can I join in?

It's really possible but it's even more possible with the support you get here. I am not boasting but I am through my 90 days and pushing onwards. I didn't think I could do it but every time I had the triggers, I just told myself it would depress me afterwards and then I jump on here (that's why I post so often!!!) and I am warned off.

Gents - keeping going - I can't do this without you both (and all the others).
 

TryingHarder

Well-Known Member
Day 43. Still doing well and staying clean. These journal entries are getting a little boring - but that's a good thing!

Great work on 90 days, GBS. I'm almost halfway there.
 
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