GrateClips
Active Member
amazing. just think of the future when its no longer you having to tick off a day .. its a week at a time, a month, a year. the journey is what is important. i tell myself this all the time but you are doing it!
Crawling from the wreckage
- Thread starter TryingHarder
- Start date
amazing. just think of the future when its no longer you having to tick off a day .. its a week at a time, a month, a year. the journey is what is important. i tell myself this all the time but you are doing it!
GBS
Respected Member
@GrateClips you’re right, this isn’t about numbers it’s about starting the most healthy habit ever. We’ll done @TryingHarder you’re getting the habit and the no MO too is impressive. It’s a mind game. I love mind games when you win. Your brain is not more powerful than your will power. Good job.
Gooner
Member
Well done, another milestone ticked off.
Your not alone, we are all in this together, we all know how the others feel, we're all here if you need any help & every day your sober is an inspiration to someone else, keep up the great work
TryingHarder
Well-Known Member
Day 52. Currently struggling with some MO urges, but my mind is clear and I know this is being inspired by some stress and anxiety and not healthy libido, so no dice. I have been working on my healthy fantasies, using real women as inspiration. Part of me thinks "man, this is pervy and not cool" but overall, anything is better than being inspired by porn.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Yes, I don't think it can be done without help. If we could, we would've done it already. It's important to interact with people who understand the problem. It;s often difficult to discuss with people who don't know about it. I mean, difficult to tell them about your problem. I haven't been able yet to open up to my parents about my porn problem, I don't know how to do it, I am overthinking reactions and words they could say etc.
GBS
Respected Member
@TryingHarder - my therapist said that you ‘know’ what a healthy fantasy is. I don’t think you should worry about the urges UNLESS you think you could be driven back to porn. Stay cool and stay off porn. 52 days is incredible
GrateClips
Active Member
yes help is almost crucial. but opening up to the right person is just as important. self confidence is usually super low and telling someone who breaks that fragile state of mind can easily send one back into a stress induced setback.
i don't know if parents are easy to tell. some might be but i think many parents especially ones with rigid views or very distant or very controlling would be a very poor choice of telling.
TryingHarder
Well-Known Member
Day 53.
Was feeling some genuine libido yesterday. Although I'm trying to only do MO once every 30 days, I decided to indulge. It was fun!
I have to stress how valuable this forum is, because this experience is something that I just can't share with people. It's weird and very interesting, but this forum is the only place I have an outlet. My kooky sense of humor imagines the following conversation that will never happen:
"So listen guys, I'm trying to beat a porn addiction and having trouble when it comes to masturbation. Like, who and what do I think about? Do you guys ever think about women at work when you jerk off?"
"Oh yeah, I think about X in accounting all the time when I masturbate."
"Oh yeah! She's hot! Yesterday I imagined this sex act with Z from the sales team."
"Yeah, I'm trying to keep my fantasies realistic, you know?"
"Of course, it's probably not good if you're thinking about a threesome or some other porn nonsense."
Okay, back to the reboot and no MO for awhile.
Was feeling some genuine libido yesterday. Although I'm trying to only do MO once every 30 days, I decided to indulge. It was fun!
I have to stress how valuable this forum is, because this experience is something that I just can't share with people. It's weird and very interesting, but this forum is the only place I have an outlet. My kooky sense of humor imagines the following conversation that will never happen:
"So listen guys, I'm trying to beat a porn addiction and having trouble when it comes to masturbation. Like, who and what do I think about? Do you guys ever think about women at work when you jerk off?"
"Oh yeah, I think about X in accounting all the time when I masturbate."
"Oh yeah! She's hot! Yesterday I imagined this sex act with Z from the sales team."
"Yeah, I'm trying to keep my fantasies realistic, you know?"
"Of course, it's probably not good if you're thinking about a threesome or some other porn nonsense."
Okay, back to the reboot and no MO for awhile.
GrateClips
Active Member
Day 53.
Was feeling some genuine libido yesterday. Although I'm trying to only do MO once every 30 days, I decided to indulge. It was fun!
I have to stress how valuable this forum is, because this experience is something that I just can't share with people. It's weird and very interesting, but this forum is the only place I have an outlet. My kooky sense of humor imagines the following conversation that will never happen:
"So listen guys, I'm trying to beat a porn addiction and having trouble when it comes to masturbation. Like, who and what do I think about? Do you guys ever think about women at work when you jerk off?"
"Oh yeah, I think about X in accounting all the time when I masturbate."
"Oh yeah! She's hot! Yesterday I imagined this sex act with Z from the sales team."
"Yeah, I'm trying to keep my fantasies realistic, you know?"
"Of course, it's probably not good if you're thinking about a threesome or some other porn nonsense."
Okay, back to the reboot and no MO for awhile.
i actually have a friend who i could probably steer into this type of conversation with although i am glad i never did this. he's actually a trustworthy guy but this is something i am glad i can talk about with my therapist though.
so much of libido is psychological and as i have mentioned in my own journaling breaking this habit creates a tornado in our brains.
glad you seem guilt free about today.
TryingHarder
Well-Known Member
Day 56. Haven't posted for a few days, since I was taking a short internet break for a few reasons...
Encountered some weird triggers over the past few days. One was obvious: a sex scene in a TV show. Fairly raunchy, so it made me think of porn. The other was unexpected: a photo of a woman on her cooking website, and she reminded me of a porn star.
No urges to look at porn again, but I found myself doing some mindless scrolling and a few image searches before the alarm bells started going off.
Otherwise, doing well and keeping clean.
Encountered some weird triggers over the past few days. One was obvious: a sex scene in a TV show. Fairly raunchy, so it made me think of porn. The other was unexpected: a photo of a woman on her cooking website, and she reminded me of a porn star.
No urges to look at porn again, but I found myself doing some mindless scrolling and a few image searches before the alarm bells started going off.Otherwise, doing well and keeping clean.
Last edited:
GBS
Respected Member
Good job @TryingHarder . I think the fact that you spot the triggers and write them down is so key.
Keep going, keep writing.
Keep going, keep writing.
TryingHarder
Well-Known Member
Day 57. An ill-considered MO today. Met someone at work for the first time and found her completely sexy. On the one hand, this is a good sign (my libido coming back, real life inspiration to MO), on the other hand it's bad: MO too soon and too often during a reboot, and not enough discipline to resist. And so I think for compensation I'm back to no MO for the rest of the reboot (33 days). 
I don't feel like I've relapsed, but certainly feel like I've made a mistake.
I don't feel like I've relapsed, but certainly feel like I've made a mistake.
Last edited:
TryingHarder
Well-Known Member
Heh heh - you said "grasp"! Here's to not grasping for 33 days.
Here's to not grasping for 33 days.
TryingHarder
Well-Known Member
Day 58 (no PMO), day 2 (no MO).
TryingHarder
Well-Known Member
Day 60 (no PMO), day 4 (no MO).
Okay, 60 days is a good milestone. This reboot hasn't been easy, but if I'm honest I feel that it hasn't been that difficult, either. So what makes this reboot different than all of the other times I tried and failed to beat the porn addiction?
1. I'm running out of time. At 53 years old, I realize that I more or less have only one more shot at quitting porn once and for all. There will be no relapses. There will be no excuses. There will be no more porn.
2. Taking better care of myself. Eating right, getting enough exercise, and a good night's sleep. How many times have we heard this advice, rolled our eyes, and not done these things? Like my signature quote says: you finally get tired of your own bullshit. I can spend hours looking at porn, but not find an hour to go to the gym 4 times a week?
3. Discipline. Easier said than done. I know that with mental health, everyone needs to be gentle with themselves. Don't beat yourself up, don't be too hard on yourself, we all make mistakes. Sure, I get it. However, there comes a time when you realize that you need to be firm with yourself, and know that giving into the bullshit isn't going to work.
4. Sharing the experience. Finding this forum has been super important. While I'm still way too shy to discuss my porn addiction with friends and family, plugging into this forum and sharing experiences with others has been very valuable. And if I can help just one other person beat a porn addiction, I will consider that a major victory.
Okay, 60 days is a good milestone. This reboot hasn't been easy, but if I'm honest I feel that it hasn't been that difficult, either. So what makes this reboot different than all of the other times I tried and failed to beat the porn addiction?
1. I'm running out of time. At 53 years old, I realize that I more or less have only one more shot at quitting porn once and for all. There will be no relapses. There will be no excuses. There will be no more porn.
2. Taking better care of myself. Eating right, getting enough exercise, and a good night's sleep. How many times have we heard this advice, rolled our eyes, and not done these things? Like my signature quote says: you finally get tired of your own bullshit. I can spend hours looking at porn, but not find an hour to go to the gym 4 times a week?
3. Discipline. Easier said than done. I know that with mental health, everyone needs to be gentle with themselves. Don't beat yourself up, don't be too hard on yourself, we all make mistakes. Sure, I get it. However, there comes a time when you realize that you need to be firm with yourself, and know that giving into the bullshit isn't going to work.
4. Sharing the experience. Finding this forum has been super important. While I'm still way too shy to discuss my porn addiction with friends and family, plugging into this forum and sharing experiences with others has been very valuable. And if I can help just one other person beat a porn addiction, I will consider that a major victory.
Last edited:
Blondie
Respected Member
Congrats Trying Harder on 60 days porn-free. That is a hell on an accomplishment.
That not's love, that's self-abuse.
Carry on sir.
I completely agree with this. Saying "I have to love myself" eventually becomes just a form of making excuses. Yes, it's good to love yourself, but speaking for myself, I can't love myself when I'm being lazy and making excuses.
That not's love, that's self-abuse.
Carry on sir.
TryingHarder
Well-Known Member
Day 62 (no PMO), day 6 (no MO).
More intrusive and irrational sexual thoughts lately. Clearly the porn addiction trying to make a comeback. It's the old, terrible pattern of stress + PMO = relief. I don't think so. That equation no longer computes.
Sometimes living with a porn addiction or depression or OCD is like living with a stubborn 6-year old child.
"No, you can NOT have any porn!"
"It is time for bed, young man. Stop mindlessly scrolling on the internet!"
"No, you can NOT get some cookies at the grocery store just because you want to! Stop your crying!"
More intrusive and irrational sexual thoughts lately. Clearly the porn addiction trying to make a comeback. It's the old, terrible pattern of stress + PMO = relief. I don't think so. That equation no longer computes.
Sometimes living with a porn addiction or depression or OCD is like living with a stubborn 6-year old child.
"No, you can NOT have any porn!"
"It is time for bed, young man. Stop mindlessly scrolling on the internet!"
"No, you can NOT get some cookies at the grocery store just because you want to! Stop your crying!"