@TryingHarder
Thank you for sharing and being open and honest. This is the only way to beat addiction.
Also be kind to yourself. You were trying to help yourself in the few ways you know how during emergencies.
Personally i see relapses as a good thing. It reveals a lot of hidden details and when used properly, gives a lot of clues how to improve and relapse less moving forward.
Having said that, I would like to encourage you in 3 ways:
1. Study
2. Supplement
3. Work towards your goals
1. Study
sites.tufts.edu
Prepare yourself for the post MO emotional ride
www.semel.ucla.edu
Probably what we also go through during withdrawal. I'll stay away from medication if possible.
2. Supplementation
EPA
Sun
Socializing
Sleep
3. Goals
Your relapse tells you that you may not have enough replacement strategies to accumulate good feelings, and alternatives to craving moods. That's ok. Keep working towards them.
Relapses to me are like nicotine patches. As we move away from our addiction, sometimes we need a little help.
With longer and longer time between relapses, we learn how to adjust back to dependency free living and alternative ways instead of addictive material to help us in times of need.
Never give up. You got this!