Becoming more productive

altfacezz

Member
Hi, My name is Alt. I have just graduated college and was recruited as an engineering intern recently. I believe that I have a severe porn addiction which often hinders my productivity. I have tried to avoid pornographic content atmost for 2 weeks, and at this point the urge for relapsing is uncontrollable. In the course of remaining away from porn and masturbation, even the most basic arguments at home makes me return to porn and find peace there.

I had never seen porn until I was 20 years old. My parents had decided not give me or my siblings any kind of mobile phones until we joined college. So naturally, I discovered porn and masturbation in my early 20's. At first, it was not even a problem. I would watch porn just for the reason of understanding what sex was. I have never been taught or been in a discussion involving sex until this point. Slowly my fascination grew and one day when I was alone, I tried to masturbate for the first time and that was it. Throughout my time in college I would find time to cancel classes and return back to my room and masturbate. This continued to the point where I was no longer interested in studies.

My routine of finding atleast 1 day in a week for masturbation, slowly grew to twice, then thrice and then daily. At the end my undergrad, I had failed in 3 subjects and had to take an extra year to complete my degree. Fortunately after this tough time, I was able to find a good job and I thought that I would be too tired to indulge in my addiction when I had work.

But this did not happen. I would often have a boner when I wake up, in th middle of the day or at night when I am going to sleep, and I took these as excuses to relieve myself using porn. Since I have been watching porn for more than 4 years, I take considerable time (about 1 to 2 hours) in finding the content that arouses me and then spend time masturbating atleast twice.

At this point in my life, I can't go without porn and masturbation for more than 2 days. The best attempt that I have taken recently is for 1 week, after which I relapsed badly. So let me start this thread today and make myself accountable. I hope the best for me and all others going through this ordeal. Please do support me by commenting on the post as it would make me feel less lonely. This is ⭐DAY 1⭐.
 
Hi, I've been in this situation, you want to get better and stop masturbating is already a big step, even if you fall again, if your mind is focused on getting better, this compulsive addiction will Decrease, focus on you, watch your thoughts diaries, don't let porn choose your path, it can be hard, but you can do it, i believe in you!
 

altfacezz

Member
⭐Day 2⭐
Thanks a lot Lucas for the support, It truly means a lot.

Did not watch porn, no particular triggers, just a little work related stress which I overcame by a good night's sleep. And the one thing I am grateful for today is that sleep since I have not slept properly for days last week.

In the last week, any time I would lie down, I would say to myself " just get over with it and sleep...it's not much of a deal" and this had lead me to porn and masturbation each night. The typical session would be me browsing through various sites for hours, opening tons of tabs and finally getting of and then sleeping at dawn. But today that cycle has changed, I slept early, woke up fresh and I am starting my day with this journal.

Planned to start my day by doing a bunch of tasks that I had set for myself yesterday. My thought process is to divert my addiction to somewhere I feel passionate about. I have a lot of hobbies but each time I spend more than an hour at anything, I feel bored and demotivated. I have yet to reach my productivity goals for this month. Hopeful rebooting would play a major role in it. So that's about DAY 2, I hope you guys all have a great day as well.
 

altfacezz

Member
Day 3:
This is embarassing to admit, but I did PMO last night. I was holding up well but what started the urges where these bits and pieces of sexually explicit images that I saw in some tv series through out the day. I was not sleepy at all, it was past midnight. Well, I have still not lost hope, because this is the very reason I joined Reboot nation. I almost anticipated an early relapse. Tomorrow will surely be better.
 

wrijak

Member
Good job on admiting it and being honest about it man, that's the first step. Remember slips and relapses are bound to happen, it's not just an uphill journey. Important is what we learn from them, and that we keep fighting 💪
 

altfacezz

Member
DAY 1
went smooth. had a lot of work, so no time to think about anything else. Day 2 has started feeling a bit flat today.
 

Not a Rabbi

Active Member
Alt, welcome to the site and best of luck on your journey. I can relate to your story and am here to support you! Lots of great resources online that will help you break out of this.
 

altfacezz

Member
Thanks a lot Not a Rabbi. The support means a lot to me.

Tried for multiple days to avoid PMO, but a small amount of stress or urge would convince me otherwise. My mind would say "dude, just PMO and then you can have a free mind". But that's the most desperate part of being an addict. You mind makes you think that the cure is the drug of PMO.

But believe me the moment you MO, you would feel like crap. I am coming to the realisation that a complete YouTube, Netflix..etc detox for atleast a week would be my best out. But man! is it hard!!.

The community over here relates to every struggle that I share, there are ones who were at the same point and is now far from addiction. This gives me tremendous hope and drive. I will definitely succeed. I will be PMO free. So let's start Day 0 once again
 
But believe me the moment you MO, you would feel like crap. I am coming to the realisation that a complete YouTube, Netflix..etc detox for atleast a week would be my best out. But man! is it hard!!.
It is, but it's definitely worth it, and you're definitely capable of accomplishing it!
 
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