Another story - probably the same as everyone else

GBS

GBS

Respected Member
86 days no MO

I won’t go on about my dog loss suffice it to say that I think I am better equipped to deal with it. No running off to self soothe. The mood, however, is extremely sombr. Chance of intimacy is not increased although I think living through this has brought us a little closer.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
88 days no MO

This is a strange one. Last time I got to the 90 day holy grail (of no ejaculation) I was almost literally nearly bursting. I am not this time. I have of course had two large slices of canine trauma in these 90 days so distractions have been almost constant. Things with Mrs GBS are good but because of the dog dying, it’s like all our thoughts are sad. So progress has been non existent but we’re getting there (jolly) slowly.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
90 days no MO - that is basically the longest time I haven’t ejaculated since about 1975. 50 years. It will certainly be that tomorrow because the last time I did 90 days I released exactly on that day. Anyway no big deal. I am 63 and this sort of achievement isn’t that hard really. See how far I can get without getting sore nuts!
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
92 days no MO
.and, indeed, even though I am no longer counting days of sobriety, 3 years and very nearly 8 months without porn.

Things are quite difficult at home, but that’s git zero to do with my recovery issues. Just had one “friend“ say some deeply insensitive things about a week ago. If I went into detail I would wind myself up. Also aged stepfather is about to die. Trying times but manageable.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
Blondie said:
Sorry to hear about all this, my friend. Hang in there.
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Cheers, pal.

Honestly it’s manageable, just been hit by an astonishing number of (overused word alert!) “challenges” these last two months. I know 4 years ago I could just plunge myself into a full on porn binge for a self soothe, but that is not who I am now. I cope way better.

Meanwhile I broke my 3 month no MO streak, which wasn’t that enjoyable. Had weird feeling afterwards that I had used up all my sexual urges for the next few weeks as a result, but here I am two days later and libido is sky high. This I am thrilled about.

1 day no MO
 
Ezel

Ezel

Respected Member
GBS said:
Cheers, pal.

Honestly it’s manageable, just been hit by an astonishing number of (overused word alert!) “challenges” these last two months. I know 4 years ago I could just plunge myself into a full on porn binge for a self soothe, but that is not who I am now. I cope way better.

Meanwhile I broke my 3 month no MO streak, which wasn’t that enjoyable. Had weird feeling afterwards that I had used up all my sexual urges for the next few weeks as a result, but here I am two days later and libido is sky high. This I am thrilled about.

1 day no MO
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i can relate to your feelings, it's hard when you break a streak just to find yourself at square one, but remember you are not the same as you used to be, you went 3 months with no mo that's impressive in and of itself. you should be proud of yourself and use that to get back up again. if you did it once you might as well get to it again...
wishing you well sir..
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
Ezel said:
i can relate to your feelings, it's hard when you break a streak just to find yourself at square one, but remember you are not the same as you used to be, you went 3 months with no mo that's impressive in and of itself. you should be proud of yourself and use that to get back up again. if you did it once you might as well get to it again...
wishing you well sir..
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Thanks @Ezel - it was an interesting journey getting to 3 months and no ejaculation at all. First time I got that far (I think 2 years ago) I was dying with frustration at the end, like I could see the day coming up when I could release. But not the same this time round. My brain is better trained to cope. Part of me almost resents that training, but I know it’s what’s best for me. Change what I can about my behaviour, and accept that you can’t nece change others even if you change yourself.

Meanwhile I am 7 days no MO again.
 
Percival

Percival

Active Member
GBS said:
Part of me almost resents that training, but I know it’s what’s best for me.
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I so relate, @GBS! There's a part of me that resists just coming to here for that reason ("it's going well, you don't need to bother...") but it's all part of your wiser self training yourself for when it is needed.

Very sorry about your dog. Been there, done that, will be there again someday. They're worth it, but it's never easier.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
Percival said:
I so relate, @GBS! There's a part of me that resists just coming to here for that reason ("it's going well, you don't need to bother...") but it's all part of your wiser self training yourself for when it is needed.

Very sorry about your dog. Been there, done that, will be there again someday. They're worth it, but it's never easier.
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Thanks Percy. The weird thing about recovery, at least for me, is the sense there’s almost a constant battle in my head between good (i.e. don’t fantasize, don’t look at porn, don’t objectify) and bad (the polar opposite). The good always wins out certainly as regards porn, but allowing myself to be a mildly dangerous fantasist is like my only secret pleasure.
 
Percival

Percival

Active Member
GBS said:
Thanks Percy. The weird thing about recovery, at least for me, is the sense there’s almost a constant battle in my head between good (i.e. don’t fantasize, don’t look at porn, don’t objectify) and bad (the polar opposite). The good always wins out certainly as regards porn, but allowing myself to be a mildly dangerous fantasist is like my only secret pleasure.
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A constant battle, yep. We do our best to win more than we lose, and slowly make the winning percentage higher.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
Not been on my journal for a while, so just checking in. In a few days I will be 3 and three quarter years sober. I have given up counting the days as someone (@Phineas 808 I think) made a good point that it can possibly seem like training wheels on a bike, and I am a good cyclist now, so there you go. Also I have given up counting the no MO consecutive days too. Both were slightly running my recovery life, so the departure is, at one level, very slightly disconcerting. But I am used to it now so I like the sort of relaxed feeling that exists.

Things between me and Mrs GBS are good if still much the same. There is love in this house, just not sex. I have stopped being frustrated because that gets you nowhere. I have moments when I wonder if I am being strung along. But if one wants to wallow in self pity, we all know that just makes one behave badly, so I stay calm. No, I don’t have long fingernails, thanks for asking.

Have a good weekend all. No pornography now….
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
Wow. I can see I haven’t posted here for some time. Much has happened in that time. Some stressful, some status quo, and some really good.

I won’t go through it all. Most recently though had a discussion with Mrs GBS about moving to greater level of intimacy, and that conversation was started by her! So, hope springs eternal.

Re my recovery - all good, but I realise that without posting here my MO stats are less good. It’s not a black mark, just not how I should behave. So anyway…

2 days no MO and in March I will be 4 years sober from porn.
 
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