Another story - probably the same as everyone else

GBS

Well-Known Member
Thanks @Sammyjo - I “may” try that. Not always easy to explain why something isn’t as easy as you suggest. Too much information to supply of course. But the idea is a good one. Now to find a night of the week when we’re both free!

Thanks again - touched you bothered to suggest anything. You’re a doll!
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
209 no porn
57 no ejaculation
1 day of no fantasy
0 days avoiding slightly staring at wife’s ample bosom

Also 0 days with any increased affection. I actually think she’s forgotten we’re doing that. In a way that is so sad. How can you forget to be affectionate? I know the answer…it’s ok….it’s ok….half the things I write are rhetorical.

So I refuse to feel sorry for myself. Adult behaviour today. Out all day….going soon….until later then
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
Hi. In a word: busy. RN took a 48 hour break. Crazy, huh?

211 days no porn, PMO etc
59 days no MO

Interesting session with therapist today. Discussing “Attachment styles” and how childhoods can appear on their face to be fine but there are often complications. I won’t bore you with my life story but it was semi privileged and included private boarding school. Parents divorced when I was 13. Really not sure how this relates to porn addiction but there’s something in it. I think I hid insecurity and porn and the need for validation we’re amongst the things I did to soothe myself. Wife thought it was plausible. Absolutely nothing from her on the affection front although she been very busy.

Off with one of my sons to Edinburgh tomorrow- that’s 7 hours in a car. That may be a breeze for you crazy yanks but it’s an ordeal for me. Will mean possibly less RN time but we shall see.

The 59 days is currently very weird. Maybe I am so used to it that I don’t climb the walls so high. It’s not like flatline, just a plateau of some sort that, now with experience, I put down to a brain issue. I think my brain is saying “if you think about your wife’s boobs all the time than you’re going to get ball ache and get hugely frustrated“ so I am possibly thinking of those particular tits a bit less……only a bit….don’t worry, I haven’t lost all my marbles! No one else’s boobs get a look in. Brain has (nearly) given up a bit.

We carry on. About to finish 7 months clean from porn. Of that I am most assuredly proud.

Fight with me, guys……no more poison.
 

Beautiful1973

Active Member
There’s a great book about your inner child and sex addiction called:

I listened to it on audiobooks and recommended to a friend on here who thought it was really relevant. I think you would find it really beneficial to your journey and recovery.
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
Thanks @me20221 - if I don’t write back in a couple of days, it’s because I am dead in a ditch somewhere. Spineless Brits, huh?

And thanks @Blondie fir checking in on me, bro….and the stunningly @Beautiful1973 thanks gal. I will try and check that out. Frankly I am a bit sick and tired of trying to remember who bullied me and for what reason 49 years ago….sheesh. Maybe that’s the year you were biorn!
 

PrometheusUnbound

Active Member
oh, can't tell if you're kidding or not actually, so just in case no, of course not, I've never thought British people were spineless. I was just messing around, I guess I didn't know it was an actual ordeal. I thought they just didn't usually drive far distances because the total mileage of the country looks smaller. Ok, well I'm sorry if it came out wrong. I will see you later.
As a fellow Brit, I can attest that the 'dead in a ditch' thing is quite British humour!
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
Sorry. Sarcasm, British humour, the written word, turn of phrase. Much confusion. Prommers is right. I did not mean to offend- just saying off on a long trip.
 

Beautiful1973

Active Member
Hey @GBS, I just started listen to a great book on audible called Erotic Intelligence, I think it would be really helpful to you and your gorgeous lady.

Hope the road trip goes well, I love Edinburgh:love:

 

GBS

Well-Known Member
Now where are we…
215 days no PMO
63 days no ejaculation

Edinburgh was lovely thanks. Truly lovely. Their fish and chip shops sell deep fried mars bars, they really do. No I didn’t have one.

I thought about my wife a fair bit on the trip although I was mainly concentrating on the university open day (for my son). Mrs GBS and I had a good soul searching chat on Friday. Gist is that she wants more affection but something always stops her. She says it’s her stubborn streak - I can attest that she possesses this! But the chat was good and positive. I said we could just take it (affection) off the table to avoid pressure right now, and she said don’t do that. So it is going to be natural. It has to be.

Now I am 7 months into my recovery and that is also 7 months without seeing a naked female, I am finding the wait easier to accept. That’s great at one level because I don’t follow my wife around the house staring at her arse. But at the same time with fewer (not zero, have to admit) fantasies and no immediate prospect of a sexual encounter, my brain is ever so slightly getting used to it. I had a phase when I wanted to edge a lot, that’s gone. I know this is all good news really, and the GBS resting penis is sometimes the size of a baby’s arm……but I do admit to minor concerns of feeling like it may never happen.

Glad with my progress though and glad to be back. Will I get to 90 days celibate, or will things progress With wife such that the streak breaks? We shall see. The wise money is on 90 days.
 

PrometheusUnbound

Active Member
Great stuff @GBS you are doing the hard work. They say suffering arises wanting reality to be different from it is, and it seems like you are dealing with things, difficult as they are.

Next time I'm back in the UK I think I will swing north of the border and grab a deep fried Mars Bar or pizza. YOLO.
 

Sammyjo

Active Member
I LOVE that!

I'm also so happy to hear she is opening up to affection! Stubbornness aside, I will tell you that as a SO it is challenging to let that guard down. He starts to melt my heart and the wall pops back up, not by choice but rather I think it's some form of self preservations. So be happy she is open to it but be prepared for some let downs.

Rock on @GBS!
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
Thanks @PrometheusUnbound and @Sammyjo - yes, Prommers, reality is what it is. I face it daily with less fear and less resignation but it is still a tough one to take. My therapist asked me the other day whether I thought I deserved a reward for my hard work? I hesitated and said that I thought I deserved something more than I was getting. She (my therapist) said it was difficult and my wife owed me nothing really. She did go on to say that my wife sounds quite resolute which may be a kind way of saying tough. She is tough. But I crushed her so the toughness now is bolstered. Now that’s reality. My wife says that logically she thinks some affection is right but emotionally she says otherwise. She thinks about it and up go the barriers. They’re up today as well. Damn reality!

@Sammyjo - your perspective is very valuable. I know there will be some tough times ahead and some let downs - if I said I was ready for them that would be the biggest understatement of the day!

Let’s all rock on…..ooh…..I can’t say “rock” without giving myself a twinge! Sheesh 🤷
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
217 days porn free
65 days no ejaculation

it is becoming easy to cope with this, but that worries me. Wife is distant. She had therapy on Monday and, unlike her, said virtually nothing afterwards. I normally chase her down hopi we’re moving in a new direction but it always stresses her so I am silent. She is too. Zero affection other than our hugs and hand holding. It was discussed and she said she wanted it just had to get her head round it. 3 days later and nothing. I will be patient. Not seeking validation here…..or am I?

I will be good today. I am serene and calm enough to know that I can accept the things I cannot change.
 

Gracie

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
My take would be if she is honest with her therapist is that she may need to change. Therapy is great for a lot of people and then they have to take steps themselves to make a difference and that is difficult. Takes a lot for them to start those steps whatever they be.
 

Beautiful1973

Active Member
@GBS I'll give you some validation......I think you are doing great, really bloody great!

I'm sorry you are not getting the affection you desire......I have to be honest, I don't really get it, I mean I would literally give anything for my man to have shown up in our relationship the way you have over the last few months.
My only advice as someone, who was once neglected sexually from their spouse........I went 15 months and he didn't touch me once, not ONCE......but I digress......is too use this time to REALLY concentrate on yourself, your passions, hobbies, new things you want to try!

YOU ROCK @GBS
 
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