Another story - probably the same as everyone else

Jlied

Active Member
ok, ok….so I have issues.

Here’s how good and bad those issues are: good = just feel more manly. Always thought my dick was normal or fractionally shorter than normal, and now I don’t. I read a study that said 83% of men think their penis is average or smaller than average in length and girth. Why do we do that? If it’s because we compare to the huge cocks in porn films, then we’re being stupid. I just think we have issues most of us. I could be alone on this [shrug] and revealing my own insecurities Anyway back to my cock. I will not give dimensions suffice it to say that it very slightly gets in the way these days.

bad = errr…..not sure if there is a bad. No idea if my wife and I do the Sensate focus intimacy program (look it up) , she may say WTF have you done there….wow I’ll have me some salami please. Or she may not say a word. If my cock is bigger will it hurt my wife? All interesting first world problems to have.

Talk soon

much love from the desk of UK’s fast growing knob. I think I shall magically make it thicker by thinking about Mrs Geebs’ huge tits - done it. Took 20 secs.
So I’d say your not alone in feeling inadequate, I too went through this whole thing. If you could find a photo for the definition of average penis you’d probably find mine lol, but when I was heavy in porn use I was convinced it was worthless to the point where I’d to my wife to see if she felt uninspired by it as well. Of course she never took the bait and in my life I’ve never heard a negative comment about my size. Since I’ve stopped porn use, it took a little time but I’ve come to terms with my guy down there and I’m not so bummed out about him. Porn certainly has a way of giving any who view it some type of body dysmorphia. Fun fact I’ve seen a video where a guy goes around with a 6” ruler asking women to guess how long it was….almost all of them over estimated it’s length by several inches. This led me to conclusions, option A women aren’t a good judge if size, or option B, men have lied about 6” length being 7 or 8 inches to women for so long they have been duped into believing it lololol.

that being said, I believe when women say size doesn’t matter, it’s more about the emotional connection between her and her mate. Much that I think men aren’t so concerned with breast size, I care more about the connection with my wife than I do the size of her jugs. I’m sure there a demographic both men and women where size is a dictating factor as to staying with someone or not but it’s a small sampling I’m sure.
I wonder if Mrs GBS is fighting the urge to rip my clothes off but she stops herself by saying - don’t be a fool
I think if she saw your new found manhood she might think who is this stranger and what has he done with Mr Geebs! Joking aside I’m sure she’s still safe guarding her heart. I think you’ll return to the promise land eventually and when you do it will be like the explorers finding unexplored land, you’ll be in awe of natures beauty and be fascinated by the native fauna!

As always, your front page reading is the highlight of my mornings, thanks for being honest and real with all of us!
 

Sammyjo

Active Member
I will just say one thing about your new found size - If and when Mrs. Geebs is ready, be careful of the cervix...it's like a ball shot! Literally feels like a strong contraction (when having a baby).

And guys - size does matter - too big is NOT comfortable! (one more dose of reality 😂)
 

Jlied

Active Member
I will just say one thing about your new found size - If and when Mrs. Geebs is ready, be careful of the cervix...it's like a ball shot! Literally feels like a strong contraction (when having a baby).

And guys - size does matter - too big is NOT comfortable! (one more dose of reality 😂)
Haha, thanks @Sammyjo love those back handed compliments!
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
Thanks @Jlied and @Sammyjo - it’s not that big!

Mr Geebs longs to be admired though. Whether (when it happens) I let you lot know what the wife says is definitely my decision. If I’m silent on the subject you probably know she didn’t say a word! You may have to wait for the feedback though.
 

Jlied

Active Member
come on man, you’ve been hyping that thing up like a main event boxing promoter. You’re letting me down now too 🤣.
What has this conversation morphed into lol
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
You asked for it. Measured with a measuring tape: 6 and a half inches length and 5 and a half inches girth. Erect of course.
 

Jlied

Active Member
1668790129394.gif Doing pretty good if I say so myself. Nothing to worry about there…..but I guess @Sammyjo should have the final say since she has the most opinions on 🤣.
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
I need a make your own GIF lesson from you @Blondie and @Jlied .

Very quick update as been out all day visiting a university with one of my boys. Left at 5.45am, got back at 10pm (just over an hour ago) so knackered.

Not going to mention the penis today.

262 days no porn. Roughly 3 weeks no masturbation. Answered @Sammyjo ’s question about how often I think about sex yesterday. But today with long car journeys and concentration and the company of my 17 year old I really didn’t think about sex at all. Did when I got home, but that’s because the spousal bosom was back in play.
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
263 days no porn

What is the difference between me today and me back in February? I was thinking about that whilst driving yesterday because I was dwelling on the freedom gratification not hiding things does for oneself.

Back in Feb I would:

Take a look at porn of some kind possibly every other day, sometimes just to get myself aroused not with the specific purpose of cumming.
I would sometimes imagine my wife in one of those porn videos and get off on that.
I sometimes watched porn prior to having sex with my wife because I needed porn to get me aroused,
What I thought about during sex with my wife ranged from in the moment connection (less often) to fantasy land including the kinkiest thoughts I could muster just to make sure I came.
I didn’t hide a lot of my drinking but I was careful not to make it obvious if I moved on to a second bottle of red wine in an evening (my wife doesn’t drink btw)
I gambled. Not excessive and far from financial disadvantage- indeed I did pretty well in 2020/2021. That’s clearly not the point nor an excuse.
I was more friendly than I should have been with a handful of women but one in particular. The more I examine this trait the more it makes my stomach churn because I manipulated her feelings to make her fancy me whilst having no intention of doing anything about it. I obviously hid this from my wife and downplayed it massively.

Now in mid November:

I have nothing to hide. Indeed when something crosses my mind to do something and I know hiwever small it is that it will involve deception I don’t do it. So I do drink red wine but I tell my wife I am having a couple of glasses and that’s what I do.
Pornography - there hasn’t been an urge for some time now. Or put another way, I know thoughts lurk deep in my brain but because I focus on the resultant me, the thoughts are deeply way back in the mind. If I watched porn now and my wife found out, she would be so horrified at my lack of respect that she’d probably give up. Anyway the pain of hiding it is enough on its own to stop me. The best reason I don;t watch is because the new me likes the new me and hates the old one.
I don’t have fantasies anymore - unless you count imagining my wife taking a shower, or just imagining what Sensate Focus Intimacy step one will be like.
I basically don’t wank.
I get morning glory every day. My fella is bigger (did I mention that before 🤷) but he doesn’t get played with a whole lot. For fun sometimes I see how swollen he can get with the mildest thought. So I can take a two second peak at my wife’s cleavage and within 10 seconds we’re podgy. It’s great and just light year different from February.
Back in February my wife had sex with me sort of every other week or at least once a month (which isn’t much I agree), now in November I have no sex at all. That was not written to elicit sympathy nor to make a point, it’s just good to write it down.

That was cathartic. Sorry if it was a dull read. One of my SAA pals says that thinking about anything sexual at all outside of the moment when you actually have sex - is off limits and means you’re not sober. So I said looking at my wife’s tits and arse and imagining them naked is off limits, and he said yes obviously. I struggle with this as a maxim for life. In fact I am not even sure it’s a healthy goal to be that abstinent. Or is it even possible for a red blooded man who has a beautiful curvy woman with him all day every day?

I reckon thinking about my wife naked is good, I think I should aim for that not to be so regular that it becomes a sort of habit, just not be ashamed nor hide the fact. I wonder if my wife would like to know my only sexual thoughts are about her. We’ll save that for when things progress.

On which subject I am fine. Quite soon I will be able to say I have been clean for 9 months . No masturbating is the mantra. It’s extremely difficult but I am generally getting better at it. My brain doesn’t kick back like it used to. I know it hasn’t given up, but it’s got a tough job to turn me.

Have a good porn free Sunday everyone.
 

Gracie

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
So in looking at what the SAA person said. I think it may be the theory that it could be body parts that are turning you on not the whole person. Maybe think about all the qualities she has you love, not just the physical things you see. Perhaps the healing in the program comes when my wife is the one and only that I can talk to, argue with, have fun with and as a bonus have sex with the rest of my life.
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
Thanks @Gracie - I respect your view and agree 100%, I mean no disrespect when I say that the tits and arse I think about are my wife’s. No one else’s.
 

Gracie

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
I was only trying to possibly explain the viewpoint of the other person. Not trying to down play the missus finer points.
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
264 days no porn.

Sorry I was defensive @Gracie - I think it’s because I feel like I have moved myself into a great place. Thoughts are about my wife. Not just some body parts. I can’t say anymore without getting very explicit and that will run over the line here and be a trigger.

But I won’t brush this subject under the carpet because I am sure my wife thinks the same i.e. She was just meat before and she called herself my cum sock which was hard to hear. So how do I know that I want “her”? Tricky to explain, in fact borderline impossible because it’s in my head and therefore it about trust. If she thinks I am lying when I say it’s her I want then I have lost. I know it’s her, but that’s only half the issue.

Very frustrated yesterday- not like a new level of frustration just a difficult day where I thought she obviously isn’t able to trust me yet. And if it sounds like I am blaming her, I’m not. I just sometimes wonder what else I could do. I will try harder today.
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
265 days no porn

I was going to write in the partners’ section on someone’s thread, but I stopped. There were open questions about why did my husband choose porn over me? Does he understand the deep hurt that caused? You see threads like this all the time. I am underplaying the depth of feeling. As a recovering addict I want to write something but I often can’t.

When you look back on your own addiction, however bad it was…..and we all differ but we were all bad…..we long to explain but we come up against a brick wall. We long to say we were out of control and not ourselves. We long to say that it isn’t as bad as having a real life affair. But we stop ourselves from saying that because we sound so stupid when we do….and yet, very importantly, we want to say something. We don’t need recognition, we don’t need patting on the back, but we need something. I think it’s a smattering of empathy. The questions about why did he choose porn over me….are loaded questions. We can’t argue why because if we do we walk into a hail of bullets that we sort of deserve. So it’s tricky territory- that’s an understatement

What ought to bring us all together - both partners and addicts - is a collective hatred of pornography. Love me, hate the porn. Hope you’ve read the book. Difficult to love me if you’re a partner reading this and you obviously don’t know me. You may read my (almost daily) posts, and think I’m a self centred sarcastic, arrogant, glib Brit. You may try not to judge me but you possibly do. We all judge each other a bit. Human nature. We probably wind each other up too. Not deliberately but we do. So I am just saying let’s focus our hate on the porn. Let’s all try and recover together and not do a single thing to prevent that.
 

Sammyjo

Active Member
Good Morning Mr. Geebs!
You may read my (almost daily) posts, and think I’m a self centred sarcastic, arrogant, glib Brit.
Not at all! You're working hard and making great progress. I loved your post that compared February GBS to November GBS.
We don’t need recognition, we don’t need patting on the back, but we need something. I think it’s a smattering of empathy.
Can you help me understand this? I brought this up to my husband a couple weeks ago - I had a realization one day that I was treating him as though any pain he was going through he had no right to express. As a matter of fact, I found it difficult to believe he was going through any kind of pain. I don't want to be that person. We all know the pain us partners go through, could you explain to me what goes on on the other side?
 

Jlied

Active Member
Thanks for this Geebs, it’s hard to articulate a response that everyone wants but is never good enough. Sometimes it’s hard to adequately describe emotion, it’s easy to ”see” it in our own minds but to illustrate it is it a talent I possess.
The questions about why did he choose porn over me….are loaded questions. We can’t argue why because if we do we walk into a hail of bullets that we sort of deserve. So it’s tricky territory- that’s an understatement
This is unfortunately starting to weigh on me. I try to be helpful, there is no answer that will ever satisfy. I could ask the same questions about my life. Why was my dad an alcoholic the first 12 years of my life? Why is it when he finally quit he was even less involved with our family than when he did drink? He was a good baseball player, he was invited to minor league tryouts in his 20’s, so why did he never coach me to be a better player? Why would he sign up to coach my teams but then have to have someone else fill in because he couldn’t make it due to work? Why would he send one of his employees to take me to my game, why couldn’t he? I remember my mom teaching me to drive, I remember her playing catch with me, I remember her taking me to sporting events. And was it fair in my early 20’s for my father to develop early onset dementia because if his life choices? Was it fair for me, my sister, and my mom to have to take care of a human toddler? Was it fair that I had to buy groceries for our family because my dad couldn’t work and my mom barely made enough for bills and mortgage? Was I asked for my permission?

am I allowed to wallow in this as an adult now and hope someone will take care of me, or is it up to me to deal with it? Did I start to follow my fathers path? Did I start to see patterns of self distraction and innocent people in my life be affected? Yes, I did. Was getting caught with porn what let me to get better? Yes, it was. Would i still be having an internal war with myself knowing my actions would destroy my family vs giving into my self gratification because it was easier? Most likely yes.

im not a hero or a good man because I chose to give up PMO, there was an ultimatum there. That choices were made for me. I chose to take the path that will hopefully stop a cycle of family dysfunction. It’s been hard work, there have been set backs, but I haven’t quit and I won’t quit.

sometimes there isn’t an obvious reason as to WHY we made the decisions we’ve made. Sometimes it’s how we grew up, it’s what we saw, it’s what we learned. If you didn’t grow up in a stable household how would you know? Unless you were forcibly removed you had no basis of comparison. You didn’t know you were being traumatized, it’s ALL you knew. Did I get to a point that I knew my actions were not ok, yes, but by that point I was so lost in the cycle that I didnt even think I could get better. I’d try and abstain, I’d go a few days. I’d barter with myself, I’d try to give myself ultimatums. But sometimes you have to hit the bottom before you have no other place to go but up.

that’s entirely unfair to all of the spouses who have been hurt by all this and I grieve for you knowing first hand how this addiction affects you, but that’s my story, that isn’t going to satisfy some or all of you and that’s fine.
 

Sammyjo

Active Member
@Jlied - interesting...my therapy was about this yesterday, and I just posted about it.
that’s my story, that isn’t going to satisfy some or all of you and that’s fine.
I guess that's the part we SO's need to accept - sometimes there isn't an answer - I guess the next question is why is it so hard for us to accept that? I guess I've found my thought for the day. This one might make my brain hurt.
 
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