Another story - probably the same as everyone else

GBS

Well-Known Member
272 days.

I don’t have urges anymore, it’s just about curiosity now. I realise how phenomenally lazy I have been for a large part of my life.

I watched this TV drama a few weeks back, and in this scene this guy is being tested for fertility so he has to make a sperm donation. He gets given a little tube and ushered into this room. There on the table is what I used to call a “wank mag”. No, they didn’t film him wanking! Anyway, clearly the world outside RN thinks it’s totally normal, indeed almost essential, that a man looks at another naked woman apart from his wife in order to cum. Crazy, huh? Or have I become this self righteous preacher?

I am strangely in a weird place. 4 weeks without masturbating and yet very calm about it. It almost feels like another fucking flatline. I have got so accustomed to no sex that my brain is almost giving up…..I think. I could be wrong. I think my brain is saying that getting frustrated is pointless because there’s no fix, so just don’t get aroused. You can probably tell I am confused. I seem to be controlling my stare of arousal intuitively. Maybe that’s exactly what rebooting is and this is factory settings status.

Still freely admit that it’s worrying and amazing in equal amounts.

Amount of increased affection or intimacy I have had since we talked about it 3 months ago = zero.

I will NEVER go back to pornography whatever happens in my marriage. There….I feel better now.
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
273 days
also very roughly one month no ejaculation.

Someone made mention of not counting days of no MO because of psychological pressure. That’s great advice. Shame I can’t take it 🤷

Weird day yesterday. Nice chat with Mrs GBS, nice little semi snuggle on sofa, then some coldness and unconnected behaviour then more kindness later. She’s hyper confused right now. It’s as simple as that. I get it, and at one level it’s fine because it isn’t mysterious that’s for sure! But still weird in how it goes. My cock started stirring big time when we were cuddling like she was going to develop the cuddle into crotch watch but obviously that didn’t happen, shrug emoji again.

But a good day, little chinks of light followed by black out blinds. Same old, Sam old.

weird dream that I relapsed last night. So weird that I checked my history this morning to see if I did anything I regretted. I didn’t obviously, but my brain’s still fighting back. Fuck off you total see you next Tuesday.
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
274 days no porn.

My wife is given to moments of anger. She won’t mind me saying that - it’s almost an “anger issue”. But her anger is way down. It comes out very infrequently and almost always the result of triggers. She says lovely things to me like (yesterday) “I am so glad you have peace” now. So our struggles are real but the progress is sometimes in these little things that , when I think about them, are huge changes really. I am still obsessed with getting back my sex life and I talk about it on here constantly. I need to view my own situation through a different prism and not read everyone else’s progress and try and duplicate it.

Very calming paragraph. Well done me.
 

Jlied

Active Member
I need to view my own situation through a different prism and not read everyone else’s progress and try and duplicate it.
Easily said, hard to make happen. It’s almost like we’re designed to compete or compare. I find myself doing it all the time as well. Sure I haven’t looked at porn in about a year and I’ve only MO’d about 4 times in that same year, but I still judge myself against the positives I read from all of you. It’s silly that I think that way and silly that you think that way too. You’re killing it and you are doing all of this in a situation where sex isn’t on the table, admittedly my wife and I continued on with intimacy during my reboot. You guys who are doing this with abstinence are the real champions. Keep doing your thing because there is no single way and you are winning.
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
Cheers pal @Jlied - it’s taken me 9 months to work it out. Just be yourself. For fuck’s sake…..it is that simple. But I mean every word of that. When I eventually write a (probably phenomenally tedious) book on this subject, the sub title will be “just be yourself”. The title will be much sexier than that….not sure what yet. Maybe Great Balls of Steel: the tale of torture fir the over 60s.

It’s effing hard not to compare as you said. Others kept having sex even after they were found out. Is that because they’re good at it and can’t stop, are they more general sexually charged, did they get forgiven quicker? All irrelevant to me actually even if I do want to know the answer. My situation is different because it’s mine. I am setting myself an advent resolution to stop comparing myself.

Thanks for your words, pal.
 

Jlied

Active Member
Cheers pal @Jlied - it’s taken me 9 months to work it out. Just be yourself. For fuck’s sake…..it is that simple. But I mean every word of that. When I eventually write a (probably phenomenally tedious) book on this subject, the sub title will be “just be yourself”. The title will be much sexier than that….not sure what yet. Maybe Great Balls of Steel: the tale of torture fir the over 60s.

It’s effing hard not to compare as you said. Others kept having sex even after they were found out. Is that because they’re good at it and can’t stop, are they more general sexually charged, did they get forgiven quicker? All irrelevant to me actually even if I do want to know the answer. My situation is different because it’s mine. I am setting myself an advent resolution to stop comparing myself.

Thanks for your words, pal.
Title of the book suggestion:

“from over worked to under utilized: the tale of an addicts penis”

the only words on the first page would say “stop beating your meat and start beating porn” a tale as told by Geebs
 

Jlied

Active Member
Cheers pal @Jlied - it’s taken me 9 months to work it out. Just be yourself. For fuck’s sake…..it is that simple. But I mean every word of that. When I eventually write a (probably phenomenally tedious) book on this subject, the sub title will be “just be yourself”. The title will be much sexier than that….not sure what yet. Maybe Great Balls of Steel: the tale of torture fir the over 60s.

It’s effing hard not to compare as you said. Others kept having sex even after they were found out. Is that because they’re good at it and can’t stop, are they more general sexually charged, did they get forgiven quicker? All irrelevant to me actually even if I do want to know the answer. My situation is different because it’s mine. I am setting myself an advent resolution to stop comparing myself.

Thanks for your words, pal.
On a serious note, I don’t think I was forgiven any faster or slower because we had sex. We probably didn’t have sex for the first month or so to be clear. Maybe some of the sex early on was to keep me from relapsing, that’s probably a question for Mrs. Lied, perhaps one day I’ll ask. I’d like to think I was so good at it she could t stay away but I know that can’t be true because she also wasn’t getting in line either lol.

Working on our own situations at our own pace is the best thing we can do. Seeing others succeed helps drive us to succeed. Up or down, left or right, as king as we all make it to the destination who cares what it looked like or how we did it. I’m here for any one to lend an ear or bit of advice as I’m sure the rest would do for me. It’s a special place this forum and I’m fortunate to have found it.
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
I love this place too. I think it actually turns me on physically. What I mean by that is not that I become the GBS tripod, just that I get a loins stirring feeling. A reminder of the energy I have created within my core through abstinence. Sometimes that does manifest itself as sexual frustration but not often. So I love this place for multiple reasons. Top one is that it’s helped me kick porn, second is a whole new raft of mates. When’s the Christmas drink up we’re all going to?

275 days clean. Sort of half a round number but being a huge maths fan, I love it. Roughly a month no masturbation too. All good. Weathers shite here in the UK though, who knew?
 

Blondie

Respected Member
I love this place too. You're definitely one of my favorites. Nice job on 275! You're right, that is a good solid number.

Let's definitely meet up for some Christmas drinks, they're on me. Would be funny to actual see what everyone actually looks like around here. The persona behind their words lol.

You inspire sir.
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
Well I would @Jlied if I wanted to sound like I’m about 80. Slightly cooler would be “we’re going on the lash and it might include a cheeky Nandos”.

And thanks @Beautiful1973 and @Blondie too. I SO wish we could meet each other. It’s utterly incongruous talking about these most personal issues with people whose faces we have never seen. For all you know I could be butt ugly and 300 lbs. I’m not actually, I’m sort of a gorgeous version of George Clooney and I’m about 190libs and irresistible.

Yeah, right!

276 meanwhile. Also had a little wank yesterday. Build up was getting to me. Time from thinking I might do it to cumming = about 1 minute. Used a thought of my wife as the impetus. All nice thanks. I feel no shame nor guilt. Going to be lovely today.
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
Genuine LOL and as my son was in the room I had to tell a little white lie as to what provided the mirth!
 

Jlied

Active Member
Hahaha, I really debated posting that pic, I felt like some of you may be triggered by what a real man looks like when he’s comfortable in his own skin! Geebs, you never disappoint. @Blondie sorry for the chubbie I induced, perhaps rub a little icy hot on the ol twig n berries and that should go away stat!
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
277 days no porn. Roughly 90 days to go until it’s a year. Not being complacent or over confident, just concentrating very hard. Porn will not feature in my life ever again.

Masturbation is the big issue. I say don’t do it. Medical advice would say it’s healthy and normal. But I think that’s a free pass for everyone and leads to a life of grabbing your moments of gratification - free moments, and it’s legal. Can’t say that about many things in life. The brain says thanks very much, I will consume your mind with it. It cannot be right. I know it isn’t. Saving mine for my wife. That’s what the medical advice should be. Do it occasionally if you don’t have a sexual partner, otherwise just have sex. The brain will get used to that too.
 
Top