Another story - probably the same as everyone else

[GBS]

296 days consecutively not watching pornography and masturbating to it.
Also roughly three weeks without ejaculation. Getting tricky again. Have to remind myself that the ultimate goal is no masturbation ever again, just marital congress. Not something one easily gets used to,this frustration, although I do now have some experience. I wonder where all the stored up cum goes. Hmmmm? Must be absorbed in the body somehow, or maybe my body doesn’t produce it anymore when we’re full up. I was otherwise estimating how much I would have released in the last 6 months in (what I will call) the old days. I have ejaculated just 3 times since mid June. I reckon a solid full tea cup worth has not been spilled from my cock. Where‘s it gone?

Had therapy yesterday. Was given a bit of a hard time. Was good for me to realise what sort of person I used to be. It exhausting and when I tell my wife she doesn’t exactly feel sorry for me.

We carry on.

 

[Blondie]

Almost to 300 days, that's a hell of a Christmas gift if you ask me.

You really are doing amazing @GBS, I hope you have a meaningful Christmas.

Best to you sir.

 

[GBS]

And to you, my friend @Blondie . 2022 has been a very weird year for me. In some ways the very worst year of my life, in other ways the very best. Total polar opposites. Mad.

 

[Blondie]

And to you, my friend @Blondie . 2022 has been a very weird year for me. In some ways the very worst year of my life, in other ways the very best. Total polar opposites. Mad.

funny how that works isn't? Hard times makes us stronger. Or that's what they say at least!

Best to you my friend.

 

[Jlied]

Was given a bit of a hard time. Was good for me to realise what sort of person I used to be. It exhausting and when I tell my wife she doesn’t exactly feel sorry for me.

Funny how we react when we are faced with a fraction of the I’ll feelings we’ve put our loved ones through. Really makes you stand back and appreciate their capacity to love and see what could be rather than what is in the moment. I’m not sure us men would be able to handle it the same way if the roles were reversed.

as @Blondie said, almost a full year, that’s gotta be one of best gifts you’ve ever received.

 

[GBS]

Thanks @Jlied - the doses of reality I have drunk in the last 10 months are many. It sadly isn’t a comfort that the pain I/we are suffering is but a tiny percentage of what our partners suffered. I get quite low every time I dwell on that one sided equation.

But I can only control me. That is liberating in itself. Gonna be a good Christmas. Talk soon guys.

 

[GBS]

297 days

Getting back to some normality here after the shocking news from last weekend. Wife is quiet but friendly. Some tension but not quite sure what it is.

I released yesterday as it was getting too much. Strangely the experience was an odd one. It wasn’t difficult getting to a state of semi arouval. In fact I was mightily impressed with what I was holding, but getting to rock hard was trickier. The ultimate ejaculation wasn’t a spraying everywhere thing. Odd. Not worried. I know I have screwed with my brain and that’s what this is. Fall out.

Hope y’all (note my lapse into American) have a good holiday. I understand I can’t say happy Christmas because that’s offensive! Really?

 

[Nico]

Hi GBS, your posts continue to inspire me, though I am sorry I was not on here for a while. I find it hard to read sometimes, how much you are being punished despite having turned things around in an incredible way. I just hope she comes to appreciate, love, and support the new you. Anyway I hope you both have a lovely christmas - btw who says we can't say christmas!?

 

[Blondie]

Keep killing it @GBS and have a great Christmas!

 

[GBS]

298 days

Happy Christmas to you all. Stay clean.

New years resolutions are just one week away!

 

[Nico]

Happy Christmas mate! 298 days...amazing work!

 

[Jlied]

Merriest of Christmas Geebs, thanks for being the inspiration you are.

 

[GBS]

Talk soon @Jlied . Thanks

 

[Jlied]

 

[GBS]

Very funny if possibly just a little bit weird.

 

[GBS]

299 days.

Have actually been a bit unwell over the festive season. Horrible cold. Nothing more, nothing less. Was a huge day yesterday. I am family chef so a big role. All good.

Meanwhile the battle continues to win back the affections of my wife. It’s very strange. At one level I keep feeling like she’ll obviously want me back and it will be soon. I am this new man and it’s pretty obvious I have turned it all around. Another bit of me thinks if it hasn’t happened in 10 months, then it just may never happen. I know, I know…..be patient. It takes partners a long time to do this. I am not trying to elicit sympathy. It’s that sense of….well…..why would she come back to me? Obviously the current state of affairs is just fine. My therapist simply says that a year or more is perfectly normal. She also said that people who did take a year tended to have other issues. Not sure what “other issues” are, but it isn’t a comfort. I presume they mean an affair. I didn’t do that, but my wife would say I am hair splitting.

The subject of pornography is a weird one. I would like to say I have it completely under control. I do. But I just get these urges very occasionally. They are the direct product of frustration at home and my own hard mode policy. So it’s not surprising. I deal with it all, but my brain is fully aware of my potential weakness.

I play a card game online. Computer simulation. Weird thing is the adverts have recently been focussed to weird (probably hook up) dating sites. If my constant activity here is somehow triggering a tailored advert for a hook up, then that’s nuts. I can’t otherwise think why I get these adverts. No, I am not tempted.

 

[searching4good]

One more day until the big 3-0(0) @GBS - can't wait to see you punch that number in. You continue to be a real source of inspiration and I thank you sincerely for that.

 

[GBS]

Thanks @searching4good - here it is then…..

300 days clean from porn.

I won’t underplay it by saying it’s just a number because I am proud of it. Back in March my wife was disgusted with me and said I had better do something about it. A couple of days later she said it even more clearly. “If I catch you watching that again you can stick this marriage where the sun don’t shine!”. That’s focus for you right there.

I guess I owe her….big time. I think I have saved my marriage, but, and do excuse the corniness, I have saved myself. I used to love masturbation,in fact I probably still do, it just isn’t a thing I feel I need to do. The painful wait continues to see if my wife can get over this too. Long gone are the days where I would use My achievement to get my wife to keep her side of the bargain. One learns a lot about oneself. I never had will power and self discipline…..you may think I am being modest…..but I didn’t. Now I have some. All because I packed up pornography and stopped masturbation so furiously.

But it’s only a number, and success lies through staying sober and being a better person. Whether you’re on day 1 or day 1000, it’s still the same mantra.

Thanks for reading.

 

[Nico]

Congratulations GBS, you are an absolute inspiration and a rock - 300 days is epic!

 

[Simon2]

2022 will go down as a year of momentous change for you. When you became a *real* man may the journey continue for many more years! Congratulations @GBS !