Another story - probably the same as everyone else
- Thread starter GBS
- Start date
GBS
Respected Member
Bloody gorgeous, the lot of you. And as for @Beautiful1973 - sheesh…..down boy!
Jlied
Active Member
By the way, happy new year to you all, I’m sure some of you are just waking up whilst some of us are just getting to bed. I’m excited to see what kind of progress 2023 brings us in our journeys to overcome our impulsive behavior. I’m honored to be going through this with you all!
GBS
Respected Member
305 days.
It’s very weird writing that and seeing my own picture on the left. Yes…..he’s the bloke who really got it very wrong for a lot of years, but is turning it round. He’s also the bloke who hopes 2023 won’t be the dry year that 2022 was.
We May all write the same resolution on here, but mine is very simple and straightforward: keep being a better person.
And truthfully, thanks for those pictures. It is a fascinating exercise. To those who didn’t do it, absolutely no sweat. Totally understand.
It’s very weird writing that and seeing my own picture on the left. Yes…..he’s the bloke who really got it very wrong for a lot of years, but is turning it round. He’s also the bloke who hopes 2023 won’t be the dry year that 2022 was.
We May all write the same resolution on here, but mine is very simple and straightforward: keep being a better person.
And truthfully, thanks for those pictures. It is a fascinating exercise. To those who didn’t do it, absolutely no sweat. Totally understand.
Thanks! I enjoy seeing us all!
GBS
Respected Member
306 days. Picture gone. Trying to analyse why I need not to show it. I think it’s just beware someone who I know could see me and somehow take some unkind pleasure or advantage. Of course it’s that. A bit sad, but probably that’s life.
A picture of my sleeping Labrador will have to suffice.
It’s been an exhausting Christmas and new year and I have had a nasty cold. Slept for 8 hours solid last night which for me is extremely rare. Still totally knackered. Relationship with wife is on the one hand just great. No fights. Seem to be living in harmony. But connection is still missing and I simply don’t know how and when it’s coming back. She says give me space to work it out. She has had space. Tons of it. When does one think one can say that? Nothing from me equals status quo. We carry on. No end in sight but also no indication that it will fizzle to nothing.
Playing the hard mode game while this carries on is the reality for me. I think if I told her that’s what I was doing she’d feel under pressure, and that’s precisely what she’s said she doesn’t want.
Some months ago I wondered if I would have to wait a year, and I thought that would be a crazy length of time, but now it seems inevitable that it will be longer than that. Experience has taught me a great deal.
None of the above was written in a state of anger. Mild frustration and mild anxiety. Very mild.
A picture of my sleeping Labrador will have to suffice.
It’s been an exhausting Christmas and new year and I have had a nasty cold. Slept for 8 hours solid last night which for me is extremely rare. Still totally knackered. Relationship with wife is on the one hand just great. No fights. Seem to be living in harmony. But connection is still missing and I simply don’t know how and when it’s coming back. She says give me space to work it out. She has had space. Tons of it. When does one think one can say that? Nothing from me equals status quo. We carry on. No end in sight but also no indication that it will fizzle to nothing.
Playing the hard mode game while this carries on is the reality for me. I think if I told her that’s what I was doing she’d feel under pressure, and that’s precisely what she’s said she doesn’t want.
Some months ago I wondered if I would have to wait a year, and I thought that would be a crazy length of time, but now it seems inevitable that it will be longer than that. Experience has taught me a great deal.
None of the above was written in a state of anger. Mild frustration and mild anxiety. Very mild.
GBS
Respected Member
307 days.
Been reading the SO’s posts recently. It’s good for me but exhausting. I deserve to be exhausted of course, but it isn’t about what I deserve. There is no equation to all this. It becomes a waiting game. But waiting whilst recovering and repairing. It’s still scary, because some of the SO’s stories have seemingly happy endings. Happy because they ended up staying together. No one can make me that promise so my state of mind is different.
Going to SAA meeting tonight. Not sure what I will say. Maybe my focus is on how very different I feel. I don’t walk around in a fantasy world anymore. It’s great that I don’t, but does that mean I am happy? Yes and no. Obviously I am a better person. So why the no? Difficult this one.
I actually don’t know the answer. I must miss something obviously. I suppose the many years of living the fantasy life is just inevitably like losing a trusted friend. Will a new friend appear? And maybe that’s what you guys are.
Been reading the SO’s posts recently. It’s good for me but exhausting. I deserve to be exhausted of course, but it isn’t about what I deserve. There is no equation to all this. It becomes a waiting game. But waiting whilst recovering and repairing. It’s still scary, because some of the SO’s stories have seemingly happy endings. Happy because they ended up staying together. No one can make me that promise so my state of mind is different.
Going to SAA meeting tonight. Not sure what I will say. Maybe my focus is on how very different I feel. I don’t walk around in a fantasy world anymore. It’s great that I don’t, but does that mean I am happy? Yes and no. Obviously I am a better person. So why the no? Difficult this one.
I actually don’t know the answer. I must miss something obviously. I suppose the many years of living the fantasy life is just inevitably like losing a trusted friend. Will a new friend appear? And maybe that’s what you guys are.
Beautiful1973
Active Member
I understand how you feel, and imagine some of the sadness is coming from the lack of affection and intimacy with Mrs GBS.
I didn’t get my happy ever after either, but I’m actually starting to feel true happiness again making a life for myself….. and have also noticed lots of men checking me out recently
that’s a bonus 
I didn’t get my happy ever after either, but I’m actually starting to feel true happiness again making a life for myself….. and have also noticed lots of men checking me out recently
that’s a bonus
GBS
Respected Member
You’ve very slightly made my day @Beautiful1973 . True happiness- big words. I am sincerely (really mean that) delighted for you.
Like your profile pic by the way.
Like your profile pic by the way.
GBS
Respected Member
308 days.
Still feeling like I have a nasty virus. Sorted out some stuff yesterday but otherwise unproductive. Almost nothing from wife, but she’s unwell too. Not a good day.
On the bright side, the GBS penis is still the size of a baby’s arm, so it’s not all doom and gloom
Still feeling like I have a nasty virus. Sorted out some stuff yesterday but otherwise unproductive. Almost nothing from wife, but she’s unwell too. Not a good day.
On the bright side, the GBS penis is still the size of a baby’s arm, so it’s not all doom and gloom
GBS
Respected Member
309 days. Roughly two weeks no masturbation. Had a chat with my SAA gang about abstinence. He is trying to be totally abstinent. He says the most he’s done is 4 and a half months! I said I have done 8 wanks since 1st March last year. He was impressed. Another guy said he thought this was self torture and we were deliberately being masochistic. It’s an interesting philosophical debate.
I think part of me sees the pain as pleasure. I can’t really explain it. I like the feeling I get when I resist as I associate it with well being. And yet my abstinence has not been rewarded so am I the idiot here? I think not,but I really bore for England on this topic. I think I will leave it. I can here you all sighing with relief out there!
Mrs GBS declared yesterday that she’s losing or lost the sense of living in the world of fear that I am running off with someone else. She says that’s a nice new feeling and she can concentrate on what she wants to be going forwards now. No, she didn’t mention anything else, and no I didn’t ask, and yes the baby‘s arm it’s still impressive, thanks for asking,
I think part of me sees the pain as pleasure. I can’t really explain it. I like the feeling I get when I resist as I associate it with well being. And yet my abstinence has not been rewarded so am I the idiot here? I think not,but I really bore for England on this topic. I think I will leave it. I can here you all sighing with relief out there!
Mrs GBS declared yesterday that she’s losing or lost the sense of living in the world of fear that I am running off with someone else. She says that’s a nice new feeling and she can concentrate on what she wants to be going forwards now. No, she didn’t mention anything else, and no I didn’t ask, and yes the baby‘s arm it’s still impressive, thanks for asking,
Jlied
Active Member
I think it’s a matter of being honest with yourself through self study. I cut out masturbation because I felt it was my gateway back to porn. I tried quitting porn for years but didn’t give up masturbation or edging. Once I stopped those 2 things I noticed my need for porn was drastically reduced. So if being masochistic was what I needed to be to get better then it was a decision that paid off and I would 10/10 do it again. Do I miss masturbation at times? On occasion. But I can tell you I don’t miss skulking around in the shadows hiding my behavior and living in paranoia that my wife will find out. It’s like the ring wraiths in lord of the rings. I was present and ever around, but instead of a ring I wanted porn (though I wasn’t set in killing in the name of getting what I wanted). The only difference was my wife didn’t have a ring to slip on her finger to truly see what I was, if she did I can’t imagine why in the world she would have stayed. Though I wasn’t physically acting out with others I was acting out through chat, porn, and masturbation. A real winner I used to be.
at any rate I’m happy with who I’m becoming. I’m happy with my progress, and I know one day I’ll need to step into the world without a crutch and live without fear of a relapse. I feel like a baby bird who realizes that soon I’ll need/want to to leave the RN nest and have a go in this new reality in my own.
GBS
Respected Member
Thanks @Jlied - you write a good piece.
I think the chances of relapse are decreased for those who give up masturbation. I suppose that’s an obvious point. But, and it’s an extremely big “but”, that’s way way easier said than done. When I went 90 days without masturbating in August/September/October it almost floored me. I guess my situation is different because I no longer have sex with my wife, Suddenly stopping wanking when you’ve done it for 45 years is the trickiest thing if all for me, but I am now enjoying the benefits. I look back at the old me who never knew those advantages existed and I just despair at what I was.
I said to Mrs GBS that I was exhausted yesterday. I mean it. This virus doesn’t help of course, but I feel as though I am in a boxing match and the rounds keep coming and I can’t see the end. She listened to me but didn’t say anything helpful afterwards. She did say she was concerned I was sliding back to being needy again though. Not altogether a move forwards but probably not backwards either.
310 days.
I think the chances of relapse are decreased for those who give up masturbation. I suppose that’s an obvious point. But, and it’s an extremely big “but”, that’s way way easier said than done. When I went 90 days without masturbating in August/September/October it almost floored me. I guess my situation is different because I no longer have sex with my wife, Suddenly stopping wanking when you’ve done it for 45 years is the trickiest thing if all for me, but I am now enjoying the benefits. I look back at the old me who never knew those advantages existed and I just despair at what I was.
I said to Mrs GBS that I was exhausted yesterday. I mean it. This virus doesn’t help of course, but I feel as though I am in a boxing match and the rounds keep coming and I can’t see the end. She listened to me but didn’t say anything helpful afterwards. She did say she was concerned I was sliding back to being needy again though. Not altogether a move forwards but probably not backwards either.
310 days.
GBS
Respected Member
311 days.
Watched Animal House with my boys yesterday. Their first time. How they laughed. There are one or two extremely soft porn moments in the film as you will doubtless know. It wasn’t a trigger of any sort for me so I didn’t feel the need to look away or be worried. However it did occur to me afterwards that in 10 months and roughly 8 days that is the closest thing to female nudity I have seen. Quite nice actually….no, not quite nice, fucking amazing.
Mrs GBS was just a tiny bit more tactile yesterday. I have absolutely no idea why. Just possibly it is a reaction to me saying I am exhausted from the constant state of being on tenterhooks. Who knows? Crazy life.
Watched Animal House with my boys yesterday. Their first time. How they laughed. There are one or two extremely soft porn moments in the film as you will doubtless know. It wasn’t a trigger of any sort for me so I didn’t feel the need to look away or be worried. However it did occur to me afterwards that in 10 months and roughly 8 days that is the closest thing to female nudity I have seen. Quite nice actually….no, not quite nice, fucking amazing.
Mrs GBS was just a tiny bit more tactile yesterday. I have absolutely no idea why. Just possibly it is a reaction to me saying I am exhausted from the constant state of being on tenterhooks. Who knows? Crazy life.