396 and 19
I often wonder what it is that’s worth saying on here. I genuinely worry about it. Don’t worry, not much. Just that I have said my piece several times over on here, and it’s all getting a bit boring. Isn’t it?
Flatline is over. A mild fantasy invaded my head yesterday. It was very simple. I shall try not to trigger you. I was giving my wife a back massage, and I will leave it at that. Even though I am so used to flatline and it doesn’t bother me, I am always glad when it’s over. My 19 day no MO streak is something I am very proud of. In life generally when I give something up, or I make a slight lifestyle change, it always slips back to the old days. We all do this. Diets are the big one. Eat less bread, eat more fruit, don’t buy biscuit/cookies. You feel better for doing it, but it always slips back. So my no MO pledge could so easily have gone back to one a week or so. But it hasn’t. Each month has been a new challenge, given that I am averaging just about one a month (slightly less actually). The current streak is close to three weeks. It is not a problem. A part of me wants it to be a problem because the feeling of wanting to burst out leads to a feeling that I must give myself a break, then there’s the inevitable build up to when I do it, then it happens, and it’s obviously extremely nice momentarily…… then strangely I feel guilt. Back to zero.
Anyway. I am not bursting just coping. I wonder if the current streak can last a long time. Like possibly the 90 day one I did last August - September. Wow that’s more than 6 months ago. Where did that time go?
Stay clean brothers. Don’t go back to being who you were. Porn, very simply, is never happening again for me. Never.