Another story - probably the same as everyone else

I like that idea: a "nothing day". Sometimes it's good to just live a normal life, you know? :)

not just sometimes.. living an ordinary clean day should seem so boring and normal yet it has been something I (and most of here) have not made a part of us that I really marvel at what kind of fog state i have been in to not have started this path until now.
 

GBS

Active Member
118. Because Iboth my wife and I are in therapy there is some sort of all-pervading pressure to communicate and talk as much as possible. But that’s not normal, certainly the intense chats aren’t norma, so the balance is delicate but I think we’re walking the line carefully and crucially together.

Yesterday was also semi nothing as I was out from noon until 9 at night. We persevere. My patience is good. I think my wife is tense and wonders when I will go back to being horrible again. That poor woman.
 

GBS

Active Member
119. All going well. Have not seen a naked female body in that time except for in my dreams. When was the last time I went 4 months without seeing a naked woman. I think possibly 46 years ago. Hmmmm……I think this is serious rebootage.

I am GBS which is Getting Better Slowly.
 

GBS

Active Member
121 days of no PMO. Can’t recall where I am on MO days because I think I did that just over a week ago. Committed to the long haul on that as I feel I stop the reboot in its tracks when I do that. Discipline shall be my watchword.

I was quiet tonight after a good day. Wife said what’s up. For the last 5 years I would have said nothing’s wrong- this time I spoke up. I just described the incongruous position of living a near perfect life with the woman I love except there’s no intimacy at all. I made it very clear I wasn’t complaining just explaining. She understood and we agreed it was great I spoke up and she said she had given thought to moving forwards but was nervous it might be too early and she would freak out. I told her to wait. It was a respectful and beautiful conversation and in some ways as good as intimacy itself.

Keep writing everyone. I would not be where I am without you all.
 
121 days of no PMO. Can’t recall where I am on MO days because I think I did that just over a week ago. Committed to the long haul on that as I feel I stop the reboot in its tracks when I do that. Discipline shall be my watchword.

I was quiet tonight after a good day. Wife said what’s up. For the last 5 years I would have said nothing’s wrong- this time I spoke up. I just described the incongruous position of living a near perfect life with the woman I love except there’s no intimacy at all. I made it very clear I wasn’t complaining just explaining. She understood and we agreed it was great I spoke up and she said she had given thought to moving forwards but was nervous it might be too early and she would freak out. I told her to wait. It was a respectful and beautiful conversation and in some ways as good as intimacy itself.

Keep writing everyone. I would not be where I am without you all.

i love your journaling and its keeping you successful for sure. i too am like you.. when something was bothering me i wouldn't tell my wife what was bothering me i'd just say i was "fine". looking back that does not lead to honesty and openness. i should have told her whats bothering me whether it was in life, sex or whatever.

instead of being honest with my wife i used a proxy - porn, fantasy, masturbation.

for you to point out that you miss intimacy but not beg or get angry or upset probably was a huge step. it would have been for me. and i'm guessing if you were upset a lot of times you'd internalize it.

anyways.. i do think real intimacy for you and your wife is getting closer. for her to say she's starting to think about moving forwards is a great sign. a good woman like yours sounds like she is wouldn't be dishonest about saying she'd want to "move forward" w/out really having thought about it . so i think you are on the right path man.

going monk mode like you are is also real inspiring to me and many others here. its super hard but i think its showing that if a sex addict can go monk mode he is capable of anything.
 

GBS

Active Member
Thanks @GrateClips . Kind words and insightful too.

I think the new road back is exciting and going to require some discipline. I mentioned M last night just as an example of something I live with that occupies my mind and can be tricky. She said she understood but was pretty unequivocal that she didn’t want to talk about it. In other words she is affirming that she expects me to do no M’ing at all. It adds to my resolve but it also makes this nearly part of the deal/ultimatum going forwards. Now that’s what I call focus! Others have said on the forum that 90 days of no M is possible. And anecdotally I have hears 9 months is doable. That’s more like 270+ days. Sheesh. Here goes….
 

GBS

Active Member
123 days. My dilemma is a simple one and we’ve been round the houses on this….no MO. I am 60 years young. Unlike when I was 15 and could knock out 6 a day, there just isn’t the urge anymore and when I do ejaculate I am normally done for a week. But this is all in the old world where I watched porn and MO’d a lot. Will this reboot including no MO (on about a 10 day roll at the mo) mean I will want sex more than once a week? I guess that’s a rhetorical question unless anyone can weigh in.
 

GBS

Active Member
124 days. Following several good days, a less good one. Or a reality check one. I declared I was doing well and was happy. Wife says she appreciates it all but is still a long way from wanting anything intimate. She said she literally cringes at the thought of me seeing her naked. Nothing for me to say. I could sulk I suppose but my new found maturity prevents that. Sheesh. I guess I just suck it up and pray very hard.
 

GBS

Active Member
125 days of not viewing pornography. My reboot is interesting. For me it’s not about the penis. It’s about all the benefits that come from not being desensitised and not hiding things.

I really feel like a new man. I want my wife to enjoy the new man. She does but she’s so terrified that the old one will come back so she’s not close to bringing the shields down. And so we wait, we persevere and we rejoice that we can beat the monster that is porn. The other stuff will follow we hope. Hope…that’s a big word.
 

TryingHarder

Active Member
Great work, GBS. I'm slowly but surely closing in on 90 days away from porn. It's a good feeling, and yet maybe I think I should feel better by now. Then I remind myself that the addiction lasted 25 years and so to completely heal and reboot in only a matter of months isn't realistic. One day at a time. And it's fantastic that you have a wife who is understanding and supportive. One day at a time for her, too!
 

GBS

Active Member
I think the focus on number of days becomes slightly pointless when you get where you’ve got. You know your new self by now. I would put money on him being a better man and you like him more too. We’ve mentioned MO a lot and I can’t remember where I am on that but I think ir’s two weeks or so. I think the new me who has MO’d about 4 or 5 times in 125 days is getting better because of that too. I can’t recall where you are on that but I encourage you to space it out as much as possible. I did 45 days at one stage so I am after that record and am fascinated to see if I get some new enhanced benefits if I get to, say, 60 days. Very exciting.

Thanks for your continued unstinting help and support @TryingHarder - the 125 days is partly due to you. I won’t let you down.
 

GBS

Active Member
126. Checking in.

Wife is encouraging some more enhanced if still minor intimacy. It’s a very good sign. I am not being complacent. Just emotionally at 46,000 feet.
 

GBS

Active Member
127. All quiet. Progress doesn’t need to be measured. Although I guess my 127 days is measurement.

I am in some form of flatline- it’s very odd. That many days of no PMO and about 20 days no MO. I guess I am 60 so perhaps I am different. Haven’t seen a naked female body since late February. I am breaking records every day. My brain is probably very confused. Ha ha. You thought you had me on toast, brain. But I got you,man…..I got you.
 
Top