Another story - probably the same as everyone else

GBS

Respected Member
705 days sober
11 days no MO

I reckon when I get two years I can have a week off and binge porn as much as I want and dig into the deepest most squalid fantasies I used to have to get off. Right? I will have deserved it, right?

Yeah yeah yeah….all rhetorical, don’t worry I haven’t lost my marbles. I suppose if/when I get there, the only thought should be…..don’t mess this up. Good habits, good person, never ever return to the old one.

Things ok here - going to do more Sensate focus connecting this morning. I shall give you an update later or tomorrow.
 

GBS

Respected Member
706 days sober
12 days no MO

Going to see if the no MO can go,longer than 20 or 30 days this time.

Stay porn free everyone. It destroys lives. Don’t let it destroy yours.
 

GBS

Respected Member
707 days sober (what we like to call a “Boeing”)
13 days no MO

Really nice intimacy stuff yesterday and for the first time in almost two years I got to touch Mrs GBS’s buttocks. That’s progress right there. This will obviously take time but there are baby steps being taken (this one initiated by her) so all good.

Happy Monday.
 

GBS

Respected Member
708 days sober
14 days no MO

Thanks @Gracie and @Blondie 😆

Strange times with emotions running wild. Prepping for my Dad’s funeral whilst enjoying the biggest step forward in my marriage in years is an odd combination but it’s all manageable. Should get another session today or tomorrow. I know it’s not very exciting reading, but it is life changing for me.
 

GBS

Respected Member
710 days sober
16 days no MO

More intimacy again yesterday. Very nice but still all very respectful and non sexual. My mind seems to be thinking flatline as a result. I know it’s not a real flatline, just a calm serene state of mind. And get a platinum rock morning glory today just to keep the spirits up.
 

GBS

Respected Member
712 days sober
18 days no MO

This no MO streak is different to previous ones. Or that’s what it has seemed in this last week. I don’t know if that’s because of the weird stresses of my father dying or what it is. It could be the seeming comfort of our intimacy sessions which are very low stress. It is jolly weird lying naked with a woman for a long time and your mind is comfortable that there will be no sex involved. Takes away any mini performance anxiety concerns, and I suppose with that it takes away that high , almost forced, libido state. It’s absolutely wonderful on one level because of the state of peace, but on another level it is just very slightly scary. Come back libido, I didn’t mean to offend you.

Morning glories are fine. Way less fantasy going on, which is good just still slightly disconcerting because, like it or not, I miss it terribly. There. That’s the brutal truth. The fantasy doesn’t need to be freaky stuff, in fact it’s become suitably soft in the last six months. But now it’s receding and I am standing at the dock with this boat sailing away. A part of me wants it to come back, but I am not yelling for it to turn around. This analogy could get overstretched so I will stop it. Just slightly weird times right now. Good weird, but weird all the same.

Stay clean guys. Be honest with yourselves, don’t hide this shit from your loved ones. Being free not just from porn, but all the other shit I hid was the most crucial step in my recovery, because when you let it go/out, the freedom is indescribably new. No more obsessive MO, Those are the chapter headings of the book I won’t write!
 

Gracie

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
it is good to be rid of the hid part. And while I know there are some here that say their wife knew, for the most part we do not. For myself, it became what else is he hiding. My mind went every where. Not just obvious, other woman etc. but to finances etc. So being out and if necessary honest is so helpful. It is so good to see that you are working through this with your wife. I know that it is a hard road to walk from my walk. It is worth it.
 

joepanic

Respected Member
712 days sober
18 days no MO

This no MO streak is different to previous ones. Or that’s what it has seemed in this last week. I don’t know if that’s because of the weird stresses of my father dying or what it is. It could be the seeming comfort of our intimacy sessions which are very low stress. It is jolly weird lying naked with a woman for a long time and your mind is comfortable that there will be no sex involved. Takes away any mini performance anxiety concerns, and I suppose with that it takes away that high , almost forced, libido state. It’s absolutely wonderful on one level because of the state of peace, but on another level it is just very slightly scary. Come back libido, I didn’t mean to offend you.

Morning glories are fine. Way less fantasy going on, which is good just still slightly disconcerting because, like it or not, I miss it terribly. There. That’s the brutal truth. The fantasy doesn’t need to be freaky stuff, in fact it’s become suitably soft in the last six months. But now it’s receding and I am standing at the dock with this boat sailing away. A part of me wants it to come back, but I am not yelling for it to turn around. This analogy could get overstretched so I will stop it. Just slightly weird times right now. Good weird, but weird all the same.

Stay clean guys. Be honest with yourselves, don’t hide this shit from your loved ones. Being free not just from porn, but all the other shit I hid was the most crucial step in my recovery, because when you let it go/out, the freedom is indescribably new. No more obsessive MO, Those are the chapter headings of the book I won’t write

Good to hear your doing well GBS When it comes to no MO for me it just is now sort of not here nor there. I suppose that might be because the way my life is going now I just don't have any reasons to anymore. I have always had somewhat regular intimacy with my wife. Maybe not as often as I would have liked but that is something she is working on and seems to be improving. I'm not sure it was so much just giving up porn that was the important part.....that was just a bad symptom of other problems or issues involving others that have also since been worked through.
 

GBS

Respected Member
714 days sober
20 days no MO

Thanks @Gracie and @joepanic
I know that it is a hard road to walk from my walk. It is worth it.
So right. It is very difficult and I can see the light, so I know it will be worth it.

“When it comes to no MO for me it just is now sort of not here nor there.” - you said this @joepanic - a very nice place for you to be in, mate. I think there’s a fundamental difference between us though. You have sex with your wife. I don’t with mine. Well not yet anyway. I am not boasting that my no MO streak is better, just different. Both require backbone and fortitude.

All good here. I called myself out on some lazy behaviour yesterday and felt I was in some way slipping back. There is much stress in my life right now, so I have mitigation, but using the excuse is just not ok , so better to put the hand up and say I spotted it and it’s not happening now. Wife appreciated this.
 
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