Another story - probably the same as everyone else

GBS

Respected Member
807 days sober
7 days no MO

Read a passage from a book yesterday at the SAA meeting. All about Abstinence and the inevitable withdrawal problems you get. It was a great reminder that it’s extremely hard and relapse is normal thing. I am not sure it helps to hear that. No one judges the people who relapse, but to be told it’s perfectly normal and you won’t be punished is dangerous I reckon.
 

GBS

Respected Member
810 days sober
10 days no MO

Such a good day yesterday. We did something together in the morning. We had lunch then I went out for a while to see someone. We had an intimacy session at about 4pm that was very nice, then we went out to a big dinner party and she flirted with me across the table. It is sim-ly massive progress on where we were,say, 6 months ago. So I am really happy at the moment. Of course I wish it went further but I am calm enough to cope with the wait.

I don’t know where I get this serenity from. The 12 step believers (and I am one of them) will tell you it’s my higher power, but I am feeling something deep inside myself. I mean it, I am not trying to be crude.

Have a clean weekend and do NOT watch porn. It’s shite.
 

GBS

Respected Member
812 days sober
12 days no MO

Going to pick up my son from university. Doubtless will be a long but rewarding day.

Not done intimacy for a few days and now the prospect of more is dim as my wife likes complete privacy and we won’t get that. Hmmm……
 

GBS

Respected Member
814 days sober
14 days no MO

Lack of intimacy sessions is slightly getting me down. This is the only place where I say that. No one else to complain to except wife who I know is trying very hard to forgive. Problem is I think she has forgiven just can’t forget.
 

GBS

Respected Member
818 days sober
1 day no MO

I started my sobriety in very early March 2022, I must have got lost on the count somewhere in between because the number of days added up to 2 years around March 8 this year. Anyway, I am roughly 27 months clean now. It is life affirming and quite extraordinarily different. A little part of me wants to take a peek but I don’t. I have established some great new habits which I drop my standard of occasionally. All in all, life is very different.

Wife still doesn’t have sex with me but we’re working towards it. She can’t get the old me out of her head. I don’t offer advice on that. I know what I slap in the face feels like.

I owe you all a debt of thanks.
 

marco_60

Active Member
807 days sober
7 days no MO

Read a passage from a book yesterday at the SAA meeting. All about Abstinence and the inevitable withdrawal problems you get. It was a great reminder that it’s extremely hard and relapse is normal thing. I am not sure it helps to hear that. No one judges the people who relapse, but to be told it’s perfectly normal and you won’t be punished is dangerous I reckon.
Maybe, it depends on the final goals. If one aims at getting again a normal sexual behaviour, and the self-confidence that one will not fail, then relapse can be seen as a an accident.
 

GBS

Respected Member
Thanks for weighing in @marco_60 - relapses happen. I know that’s a fact of life. I just thought the literature I was reading was very slightly telling people that you’re going to relapse and don’t worry about it. I agree not worrying but I just don’t agree with saying it out loud to people, some of whom are starting on their journeys.

823 days sober
6 days no MO - massive libido right now so slightly struggling to stop myself fantasising. No intimacy at the moment because no privacy. Drives one gently mad. We persevere.
 

GBS

Respected Member
827 days sober
10 days no MO

I have unbelievably high libido right now. Morning glories are phenomenal. So driven gently mad by nothing intimate going on. Yes, I could ask, but I know the answer. But honestly all is good.
 

GBS

Respected Member
831 days sober
14 days no MO

Thanks @Percival . Libido is a funny thing. Not sure I want it to fade but it does torture me. How weird is that?

Things are ok here but wife said she thought we had been through a rocky patch recently - I didn’t agree, but that’s what she said. Allegedly my behaviour had been weird. I was defensive and she said so. No where to go with all that. It’s sort of calmed down now, but there is no intimacy. So sometimes I do feel extremely lonely.
 

marco_60

Active Member
I am 64 and my own libido is seriously affected not only by PMO (now becoming more and more a memory from the past) but by work successes or failure, and the same for relationship. From what you write it seems that your wife can live without love or intimacy, while for you it is still important.
 
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