Another story - probably the same as everyone else

Ezel

Ezel

Respected Member
GBS said:
831 days sober
14 days no MO

Thanks @Percival . Libido is a funny thing. Not sure I want it to fade but it does torture me. How weird is that?

Things are ok here but wife said she thought we had been through a rocky patch recently - I didn’t agree, but that’s what she said. Allegedly my behaviour had been weird. I was defensive and she said so. No where to go with all that. It’s sort of calmed down now, but there is no intimacy. So sometimes I do feel extremely lonely.
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hang is there sir GBS, good luck to you.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
marco_60 said:
I am 64 and my own libido is seriously affected not only by PMO (now becoming more and more a memory from the past) but by work successes or failure, and the same for relationship. From what you write it seems that your wife can live without love or intimacy, while for you it is still important.
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Thanks @marco_60 - libido is a funny thing. Having had many years of compulsive MO and PMO, the brain has no idea what normal sexual needs are. But mine is (at least partially) retrained. So I have to be satisfied with what I am left with and believe it’s what I deserve. I am 62 and obviously therefore it doesn’t rage like it used to, but it’s there all right. As for my wife, I don’t think she wants a sexless marriage just still gripping onto the past because if she takes the leap of faith, there’s no safety net. Poor woman.

PrometheusUnbound said:
Sorry to hear that Gibbers. All the best mate.
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Thanks @PrometheusUnbound (aka Prommers) - all the best to you too. I mean that sincerely
Ezel said:
hang is there sir GBS, good luck to you.
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Hello mate @Ezel - and thanks, man. You inspire me.

833 days sober
16 days no MO

All good here actually. A bit of an atmosphere from a chat we had three days ago where I was put back in my place. I think it was sparked by my saying she didn’t talk anymore. Hmmm…..
 
Percival

Percival

Active Member
GBS said:
831 days sober
14 days no MO

Thanks @Percival . Libido is a funny thing. Not sure I want it to fade but it does torture me. How weird is that?

Things are ok here but wife said she thought we had been through a rocky patch recently - I didn’t agree, but that’s what she said. Allegedly my behaviour had been weird. I was defensive and she said so. No where to go with all that. It’s sort of calmed down now, but there is no intimacy. So sometimes I do feel extremely lonely.
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Yes, the libido is weird and only sometimes helpful! Mine tends to go up and down, sometimes for obvious reasons and sometimes just...because, apparently.

I hope your wife's remark is an opportunity, of sorts. If I recall, she hasn't been interested in counseling, and maybe this could be an opportunity to help you both.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
Percival said:
Yes, the libido is weird and only sometimes helpful! Mine tends to go up and down, sometimes for obvious reasons and sometimes just...because, apparently.

I hope your wife's remark is an opportunity, of sorts. If I recall, she hasn't been interested in counseling, and maybe this could be an opportunity to help you both.
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Thanks Perce, we’re all the same in many ways. I did find that my wife really understands very little about male urges when we discussed things recently. She seemed to think (not sure I believe her) that stopping masturbation was just something you did. Like stopping a slightly dirty habit. I said that 99.9% of men on the planet masturbate whether it be every day or once a week or once a month. I honestly think she was surprised to hear that.

Meanwhile things are better here with some intimacy yesterday (nothing erogenous) and general mood is good.

834 days
17 no MO
 
M

marco_60

Active Member
GBS said:
848 days sober
0 days no MO

I released. It’s getting more frequent. I am not going to give myself a hard time (no pun intended), but I think I need to have strength and resolve increased.

Things are very good here , there’s just one tiny little thing missing!
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I have myself become less restrictive myself towards relapses, I do not live them any further as personal failures, The last one I experienced was during a dream, about one month ago, thus I was basically unaware.
 
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Percival

Percival

Active Member
GBS said:
848 days sober
0 days no MO

I released. It’s getting more frequent. I am not going to give myself a hard time (no pun intended), but I think I need to have strength and resolve increased.

Things are very good here , there’s just one tiny little thing missing!
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A little backsliding is okay, I think. Not okay, exactly, but normal. I think we need to accept that perfect is what we strive for but will (most likely) never quite achieve, and that's all right.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
850 days sober - nice round number. Also it’s basically 2 years and 4 months too.
2 days no MO

Thanks for chiming in @marco_60 - there is, for me, a slippery slope where I could slide into a world where I keep my fantasy world alive by masturbation more often. That is not where I should go. I won’t touch porn but I think the alternative still creates an unhealthy me.

Percival said:
A little backsliding is okay, I think. Not okay, exactly, but normal. I think we need to accept that perfect is what we strive for but will (most likely) never quite achieve, and that's all right.
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Cheers @Percival - yeah, I reckon one can do it if the pressure is all consuming. There’s an annoying saying that “perfect is the enemy of good”. Striving to be perfect would be fruitless. Being good is way better than I was before.

Things good here. Lots of healthy outer circle behaviour yesterday and did one of those jobs that you put off forever. It was dead boring and laborious and no one really noticed, but I felt exhilarated afterwards.

Stay clean guys.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
853 days sober
5 days no MO

Big party thrown for wife yesterday. She loved it. I know the questions you want to ask. I would ask them too. It’s in her head. It’s as simple and complicated as that. No one knows the level of trauma that another person suffers. So I am just being a good guy and hoping that things will work out.

My Own recovery is going fine. The constant battle of infrequent MO and the brain throwing me fantasy to grip on to, I find both annoying and (sad to say) still pleasing. The fantasies I cannot say more about because we’re onto triggering territory, but my wife is the focus.

There are still times where I wonder if I actually will ever watch something pornographic again. My addict brain never gives up testing me. It’s totally exhausting.

Stay clean guys. There is no good thing that comes from porn except some instant pathetic gratification.
 
Percival

Percival

Active Member
You're doing good @GBS! Glad your wife had a fun party.

The constant battle does get tiring. The castle may not be under serious assault but you can never quite relax: the enemy is always out there, probing to see if the sentries are still there and alert.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
858 days sober
2 days no MO

Percival said:
The constant battle does get tiring. The castle may not be under serious assault but you can never quite relax: the enemy is always out there, probing to see if the sentries are still there and alert.
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Thanks @Percival - good analogy. My recent nearly once a week MO record is difficult to explain. Somehow I am just libidoed up to the max and I find that I am fantasising about my wife being naked and what I will do when she is. It’s surely ok on one level to be like this, but it does fill me with the one track mind way of life feelings that are different to how it was in the bad days, but similar in other ways.

See if I can go for more than a week.
 
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