Another story - probably the same as everyone else

Percival

Active Member
858 days sober
2 days no MO


Thanks @Percival - good analogy. My recent nearly once a week MO record is difficult to explain. Somehow I am just libidoed up to the max and I find that I am fantasising about my wife being naked and what I will do when she is. It’s surely ok on one level to be like this, but it does fill me with the one track mind way of life feelings that are different to how it was in the bad days, but similar in other ways.

See if I can go for more than a week.
Perfectly normal, I think: you're a man and a husband, even if you do have to redirect your mind.
 

GBS

Respected Member
861 days sober
5 days no MO

Not much to say except we had nice non erotic intimacy on Saturday which was the first time for two weeks. I think she’s getting more relaxed about it all. I bloody hope she is, because my libido is just off the charts.
 

GBS

Respected Member
862 days sober
6 days no MO

My brain is trying to make me relapse. I can feel it as a physical thing. Fuck off brain. Porn is evil and destroys lives. It would be nice to have the real thing, but because I can’t that’s no excuse for considering the alternative.
 

Percival

Active Member
Good news about the intimacy! It does make it harder, though, when your brain jumps to the next stage, and I'm not at all surprised you're feeling the temptation now. Even the strong temptations will fade though, especially if you write it out as you did.
 

chap

Active Member
right now i can't go more than a handful of days without MO, so it is inspiring to see that you are doing it. sounds like ur in the thick of it, but weathering the storm, i am looking forward to seeing u post more. keep it up @GBS !
 

GBS

Respected Member
Thanks for the positive energy. I hope you've gotten through the cravings. At the moment I try to laugh them off, like nice try brain - but then there are always those more difficult days like you mentioned.

870 days sober
7 days no MO

Sorry for mini absence, guys. Family crisis. Not my family, more distant. Used up all my energy and deprived of a bit of sleep. If there was one up side, it meant that there were no moments of potential relapse.

Hang in there my friend.

Yes, tell it to fuck off.

You got this.
Thanks @Blondie - it’s all quite psychological really. Of course it is. The fighting of the different sides of the brain. I know a lot about it and can almost feel the fight starting in my head. I have a front row seat for the clash of the heavyweights. I know who will win, but there’s still a fucking fight. It infuriates me. Thanks again, mate.
Good news about the intimacy! It does make it harder, though, when your brain jumps to the next stage, and I'm not at all surprised you're feeling the temptation now. Even the strong temptations will fade though, especially if you write it out as you did.
And thanks @Percival - after our last bit of intimacy we had a lovely chat where I was able to express my frustration without it seeming desperate or like an addict. There is real hope. She is extremely appreciative that I am patient, so we both get it……just can’t wait, but have to.
right now i can't go more than a handful of days without MO, so it is inspiring to see that you are doing it. sounds like ur in the thick of it, but weathering the storm, i am looking forward to seeing u post more. keep it up @GBS !
Hello @chap - yes, weathering the storm. Thanks. Sometimes that storm can be almost soul destroying, but I can keep doubling my efforts. The no MO thing is very tricky. It used to be a mental challenge that was new to me and my brain’s reaction was amazing in what changes I found within myself. Now, 2 and a half years (nearly) down the line, the changes aren’t so noticeable so the no MO thing becomes a chore, but it is key so I must get back on it. Thanks again for coming on.
Thanks for the positive energy. I hope you've gotten through the cravings. At the moment I try to laugh them off, like nice try brain - but then there are always those more difficult days like you mentioned.
Ah, Prommers dear boy…laughing those cravings off is actually good advice. Treat them with disdain. I think that’s good advice. Not always easy, but the fact you bothered to chip in does make the fight easier. Cheers pal.
 

GBS

Respected Member
871 days sober
8 days no MO

Thanks @chap - slept way better last night. But the thing I can’t tell you all about is dominating waking thoughts.

Bit of an update. Wife is being incredibly supportive and kind. If you saw us together you’d assume we rutted like rabbits but we don’t. But, as I have learned, a good sex life needs a truly well connected foundation. Ours was lacking in connection 2 years ago, but it’s getting so much better. So there still is very real hope, and I would say there’s a 95% chance we will get this right. I would have been at 50% a year ago I reckon.

You need SO much patience. And discipline to do this right. And you need to understand some of the physiology of the changes so that you can recognise the struggle for what it is.

I think it was @Percival who said the other day that we should laugh at our addicted brain when it tries to lure us back. Yes, we should. That way, we know what’s going on and we make a statement to that end. Good for the soul.

Stay clean guys.
 

GBS

Respected Member
tysm for the wisdom, feel better hearing your thoughts! let's stay clean, together.
Thanks @chap - I read your string earlier today. You’re 40 years younger than me so I am not certain if what I can say translates directly. But the mantra I have been on about (and bored certain people senseless no doubt) is that I couldn’t just keep on doing roughly the same things and expect to get better. So for me porn had to just go…cold turkey on that. Very difficult, but essential. Then I realised that MO had to be changed or I was just paying lip service to the concept of recovery. If you stop watching porn but keep the neural pathways open by MO to fantasy then you’re very slightly asking for trouble. People don’t like hearing this, but honestly (at least for me) it makes total sense. In recovery I MO’d about once a month which was SO different a lifestyle change, and that change was the critical one.

My penis is thicker and slightly longer. The morning glories are magnificent. Everything you hope for comes true. You pay a high price because you bite your knuckles off in frustration but when the results come through you know it’s the pathway. I am a real man now.

Possibly easier for a 62 year old than a 22 year old, but I reckon it’s still the way. Read all the stuff on Your Brain on Porn and the legendary Dr Gary Wilson (now sadly RIP), and learn what we’ve done to our brains. There’s a wonderful TedTalk on YouTube called The Great Porn Experiment, about 15 minutes long. Watch and learn and realise you’re not alone, you’re not a freak, and we can recover from this shit.

And good luck. Keep posting. You inspire me.
 

NYC

Member
Thanks @chap - I read your string earlier today. You’re 40 years younger than me so I am not certain if what I can say translates directly. But the mantra I have been on about (and bored certain people senseless no doubt) is that I couldn’t just keep on doing roughly the same things and expect to get better. So for me porn had to just go…cold turkey on that. Very difficult, but essential. Then I realised that MO had to be changed or I was just paying lip service to the concept of recovery. If you stop watching porn but keep the neural pathways open by MO to fantasy then you’re very slightly asking for trouble. People don’t like hearing this, but honestly (at least for me) it makes total sense. In recovery I MO’d about once a month which was SO different a lifestyle change, and that change was the critical one.

My penis is thicker and slightly longer. The morning glories are magnificent. Everything you hope for comes true. You pay a high price because you bite your knuckles off in frustration but when the results come through you know it’s the pathway. I am a real man now.

Possibly easier for a 62 year old than a 22 year old, but I reckon it’s still the way. Read all the stuff on Your Brain on Porn and the legendary Dr Gary Wilson (now sadly RIP), and learn what we’ve done to our brains. There’s a wonderful TedTalk on YouTube called The Great Porn Experiment, about 15 minutes long. Watch and learn and realise you’re not alone, you’re not a freak, and we can recover from this shit.

And good luck. Keep posting. You inspire me.
I'M a carbon copy of what @GBS is saying, down to my age, and echo every word of advice. I'm working comfort and confidence back with my wife, it is baby steps, im blessed to have someone willing to hang with me and let me back in, and give me that trust again. I cant let senesless, meaningless P destroy oir lives.
 

GBS

Respected Member
873 days sober
10 days no MO

Thanks @NYC - glad we’re similar, or certainly glad if you’re recovering. We elder statesmen on here aren’t different from the younger guys, but we have less time to mend things. Let’s do it.

Update - ripples from larger family trauma are occupying my thoughts so it’s tough right now. It will improve with time but it cou be a long time. I am not involved but I am a key support person so I have a role. The libido, partly as a resul, has gone completely. Good and bad.
 

GBS

Respected Member
879 days sober
16 days no MO

Family turmoil has quietened down a bit. Was occupying all my waking thoughts. Need to move on . Wife’s being very supportive and so things are going well. She needs total privacy for us to do more of the naked intimacy stuff and basically we haven’t been alone for 2 weeks so that’s on hold. Drives me slightly crazy except right now my mind is elsewhere and my brain seems less interested. Interesting how the distractions put libido and desire completely to one side.

Stay clean guys.
 

Percival

Active Member
879 days sober
16 days no MO

Family turmoil has quietened down a bit. Was occupying all my waking thoughts. Need to move on . Wife’s being very supportive and so things are going well. She needs total privacy for us to do more of the naked intimacy stuff and basically we haven’t been alone for 2 weeks so that’s on hold. Drives me slightly crazy except right now my mind is elsewhere and my brain seems less interested. Interesting how the distractions put libido and desire completely to one side.

Stay clean guys.

Yes, always amazes me how I can be overwhelmingly horny and then it instantly evaporates when drama happens. Which I guess demonstrates that it's not quite as existential a need as it feels like. Hope you two can get some time together soon!
 

GBS

Respected Member
Yes, always amazes me how I can be overwhelmingly horny and then it instantly evaporates when drama happens. Which I guess demonstrates that it's not quite as existential a need as it feels like. Hope you two can get some time together soon!
Thanks @Percival . Who knew? It’s in the brain.
 
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