Mate, thank you.
It’s been a weird experience (giving up porn and totally changing masturbation habits) because (to reiterate) my wife has not yet said yes to anything other than the tamest intimacy. I am going through a little bit of minor depression about it these last few weeks. Hasn’t helped that we have this ongoing family drama (not in my immediate family) but I have been experiencing lost feelings and loneliness. Not overwhelming just little bits here and there. Each time we have a semi serious chat I always say that the thing that drives me most crazy is the fact that she doesn’t talk about it anymore really. Sometimes her reaction is lashing out, and sometimes she says it’s just a slow process and she will try to communicate more. Then she doesn’t communicate.
I realise that you kind people who support me can’t really offer advice, and so my story is an odd one. I fully realise I have done a momentous thing, but it still feels empty and sometimes very slightly meaningless even though it is obviously the opposite.
However I am doing fine and carrying on knowing that whatever happens to me, I did the right thing.
918 days sober and 55 no MO - that’s nearly 8 weeks without an O. Will I make it to 90 days? 35 more which is 5 more weeks. I recall the last time I did 90 it wasn’t too bad for this period that I am in right now, but became very difficult in the last week. I am not putting pressure on myself. If I MO, then no one gets hurt. What a mind fuck.
Stay clean gents.
