Another story - probably the same as everyone else
- Thread starter GBS
- Start date
GBS
Respected Member
Spot on @Blondie - it’s very odd. Somehow I thought that 8 weeks without would mean a bigger rush and greater ecstasy and truth be told nearly the opposite. We persevere.Nothing like showing up to a gunfight with a loaded pistol, to only find out dreaming of pulling the trigger is often more fun than actually pulling it.We press on. 55 days is a hell of a long time.
Thanks @Freerider - I appreciate your prayers. I will never give up.
924 days sober
5 days no MO
Dungalef
Active Member
Hey GBS, just wanted to pop in here and let you know how much I've appreciated following your journey. While I know it's been an incredibly frustrating and unrewarding one for you in a lot of ways, it's also pretty inspring. It's so easy to fall into the trap of expecting rewards for quitting (be it more intimacy with one's spouse, more energy, higher libido, etc.). The problem is that whenever the thing you're expecting doesn't pan out as you were hoping, it's tempting to throw in the towel because it's not worth it. After all, why bother quitting if you're not getting what you hoped for out of it?
You're a living example of how to handle that. You've persevered so hard for so long, with a dogged determination that is amazing to watch. You show how to have a mindset of quitting porn for the long haul, because a) it sucks and b) we are better people for it. Even when we don't get to reap the rewards we hoped for.
While I know it's been an incredibly frustrating and unrewarding one for you in a lot of ways, it's also pretty inspring. It's so easy to fall into the trap of expecting rewards for quitting (be it more intimacy with one's spouse, more energy, higher libido, etc.). The problem is that whenever the thing you're expecting doesn't pan out as you were hoping, it's tempting to throw in the towel because it's not worth it. After all, why bother quitting if you're not getting what you hoped for out of it?You're a living example of how to handle that. You've persevered so hard for so long, with a dogged determination that is amazing to watch. You show how to have a mindset of quitting porn for the long haul, because a) it sucks and b) we are better people for it. Even when we don't get to reap the rewards we hoped for.
GBS
Respected Member
Kind words @Dungalef and I know your own journey isn’t straight forward so sort of doubly kind of you to say what you said.Hey GBS, just wanted to pop in here and let you know how much I've appreciated following your journey.
You're a living example of how to handle that. You've persevered so hard for so long, with a dogged determination that is amazing to watch. You show how to have a mindset of quitting porn for the long haul, because a) it sucks and b) we are better people for it. Even when we don't get to reap the rewards we hoped for.
Also it served as a helpful pick me up because I have been having a few weeks of mild despair at the situation I find myself in. It’s not depression just a lull of mood. I fake my mood so that everyone thinks all is good, But sometimes I do think momentarily that it’s all a great big waste of time. But you said it, falling into the trap of self pity would be a way bigger waste of time, so I won’t. To come this far and forget the real reason I changed would be utterly crazy and incomprehensible. So I won’t do it. Many thanks, pal. You’re a brick (as we say here in the UK).
Percival
Active Member
GBS
Respected Member
Cheers @Percival - as you say this journey is not comparable with anything else I have ever done and therefore the attendant emotions are also unique. I won’t give up, not ever..
Meanwhile a tiny excusable slip on the MO front, I think trying to see if the equipment was still working. Spoiler alert - it is.
930 days sober
1 day no MO
GBS
Respected Member
933 days sober
4 days no MO
Little update on home life: at one level really very nice. Way more than cordial. Affectionate, kind, laughing together, doing stuff together, generally very good connection or seemingly so. Had some intimacy yesterday, completely naked, still nothing in the erogenous category. So it’s been like this for 9 months. All very nice but the question is begged why not more? I can’t ask or if I do I get the stock response that she just needs to do this at a snail’s pace. A snail would win this race of course….so I am calm and sometimes a little exhausted by the inactivity if that makes sense.
4 days no MO
Little update on home life: at one level really very nice. Way more than cordial. Affectionate, kind, laughing together, doing stuff together, generally very good connection or seemingly so. Had some intimacy yesterday, completely naked, still nothing in the erogenous category. So it’s been like this for 9 months. All very nice but the question is begged why not more? I can’t ask or if I do I get the stock response that she just needs to do this at a snail’s pace. A snail would win this race of course….so I am calm and sometimes a little exhausted by the inactivity if that makes sense.
GBS
Respected Member
GBS
Respected Member
Thanks @Freerider
The no MO number really messes with my head and yet I still keep monitoring it!
941 days sober
12 days no MO
The no MO number really messes with my head and yet I still keep monitoring it!
941 days sober
12 days no MO
GBS
Respected Member
943 days sober
14 days no MO
Inexplicably I am in the proverbial dog house at the moment and am unsure why I am. Ladies, please do excuse the following gross generalisation, but guys…. You know what I mean? I can probably take a guess why I am there but the level of cold shoulder is not commensurate with the crime. Is there any point asking? No. You just get a roll of the eyes or an patronising “you know full well”, or worse still “It’s nothing, never mind”. Anyway, see what happens when I wake up today.
Shrug
14 days no MO
Inexplicably I am in the proverbial dog house at the moment and am unsure why I am. Ladies, please do excuse the following gross generalisation, but guys…. You know what I mean? I can probably take a guess why I am there but the level of cold shoulder is not commensurate with the crime. Is there any point asking? No. You just get a roll of the eyes or an patronising “you know full well”, or worse still “It’s nothing, never mind”. Anyway, see what happens when I wake up today.
Shrug
This is unsure is it good or bad advise, cant say for sure. you get what you give up. if you need forgiveness, you cannot demand it. I don't know how it will happen, but somehow you have to expose yourself to uncertainty and accept and give space to the other person's feelings. will they change, you can't demand they change. I hope they change for the better. Really hope.
GBS
Respected Member
944 days sober
15 days no MO
15 days no MO
Thanks @Freerider - I think I nominate your nickname to be Freebie….you’re right, there are just no rules in the new world. Justice is irrelevant and not worth worrying about. Wife is happier today, so everyone is happier as a direct result.