Another story - probably the same as everyone else

Gracie

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Perspective that is a great word! To me it indicates vision, where I have been, where my marriage is, and my view of my husband. Then the perspective of future. Where I have been relates to being a partner and my walk through today. Where my marriage is, it is stable. My view of my husband is one of love and caring for me and our family. The future I hope is full of good surprises. My walk is much easier . I do not get triggered often. Which is the best. Still can have blips but I manage. He helps me through. We both retired this year and it is great!

Above all we see porn as an unecessary evil. We do not watch movies with nudity Our choice. I hope I can be here more. And no matter what you may think, I root for every man, woman and marriage that deals with porn.
 

GBS

Respected Member
I agree, although I'd go one step farther and say that this whole journey is one of developing self-discipline. Our higher minds know that self-pity doesn't work, and neither does indulging in whatever the temptation of the moment is (which we often justify self-pityingly).
Thanks @Percival - you are bang right, mate. Self discipline is the bottom line. I think my no self pity point was that as part of my armour to acquire the long term self discipline I must look out for the self pity moments. There are many of them, it’s completely normal behaviour but the key thing is not to slide into wallowing. I thank you, mate
I like this @GBS, thank you!
Cheers pal. Hope all good with you.

Perspective that is a great word! To me it indicates vision, where I have been, where my marriage is, and my view of my husband. Then the perspective of future. Where I have been relates to being a partner and my walk through today. Where my marriage is, it is stable. My view of my husband is one of love and caring for me and our family. The future I hope is full of good surprises. My walk is much easier . I do not get triggered often. Which is the best. Still can have blips but I manage. He helps me through. We both retired this year and it is great!
Hello @Gracie - I haven’t heard from you in a while. I am very pleased about your update above. Fewer triggers sounds like a form of freedom for you. I am also delighted you’re retired. I did so nearly 3 years ago and whilst for me it has been really a journey of recovery, it is also a wonderful thing. And thanks for your continued encouragement. I am glad there are some partners still around - it can get a little stale without you all (or should I say y’all!). Keep going, lady.

And I am…..963 days sober and 34 days no MO
 

DIMA-NBA

Active Member
@GBS It's really great to see how successful you are in battling PMO, I want to congratulate you on being close to 1000 days free from pornography! What would you say are your biggest "allies" (habits, techniques or lifestyle changes) that led you to this point?
 

GBS

Respected Member
It's really great to see how successful you are in battling PMO, I want to congratulate you on being close to 1000 days free from pornography! What would you say are your biggest "allies" (habits, techniques or lifestyle changes) that led you to this point?
Hello @DIMA-NBA - thanks very much. 1000 days will be one hell of an achievement, but honestly this is forever so the numbers are borderline irrelevant, that said I am OCD about them as you can see.

My allies…hmmm…

Initially it was a white knuckle pigheadedness and blind fear that if I relapsed my wife would leave
Then it was about reading and learning what I had done to my brain, and realising that in recovery I was physically healing which was weirdly astonishing
I owned the problem, admitted I had been a pretty difficult person to live with (understatement) and made my mantra “if I have any urges just remember who I was and know that going back to being like that again would be a form of madness”
I have little intimacy with my wife despite all the above so how I cope with that….I don’t actually know the answer to that…..but love and hope are right up there

Thanks

964 days sober
35 days no MO
 

GBS

Respected Member
966 days sober
37 days no MO

I thought my fantasy world had receded, but it appears to have come back with a vengeance. This I think is ok as long as my brain keeps it all reasonably soft and wife related. This is manageable but things do seem to want to creep in the sides. I know this is no heinous crime just wary that going back to porn would start from somewhere like that. Maybe I should just MO and move forward that way….hmmmm.
 

GBS

Respected Member
968 days sober
39 days no MO

Had one of “those” conversations yesterday with wife. Very unfair and cruel things said to me. Light at end of tunnel went very dim. Battered and bruised. Won’t give up. Just lost a little bit of my optimism yesterday.
 

joepanic

Respected Member
Thanks @Blondie . Things have improved. It’s her way of coping and frankly I am adept at coping with the lashing. It’s brutal and totally unfair but in her head it’s fine. That’s not ok, but then again as we’re back on the road it is better that I take it rather than lashing back.

970 days sober
41 days no MO
Sounds like one of 2 things needs to happen here. Either she goes and gets some real professional help and begins to move forward or she gets told the Chinese proverb that one seeks revenge it is best to 1st dig 2 graves. Just my 2 cents
 
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