Another story - probably the same as everyone else
- Thread starter GBS
- Start date
GBS
Respected Member
Thanks, man. I will let you know if it’s dark, I sense some light!
998 days sober
5 days no MO
Blondie
Respected Member
Indeed!
I was referring to the first manned flight around the moon by Apollo 8. Up till that time, no one had ever been that far from earth, aka, that far from porn. The earthrise coming around the orbit must of been one hell of a sight and one exhilarating experience.
I hope tomorrow is just as glorious for you.
Best friend.
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GBS
Respected Member
“A man who lies to himself, and believes his own lies, becomes unable to recognize truth, either in himself or in anyone else, and he ends up losing respect for himself and for others. When he has no respect for anyone, he can no longer love, and in him, he yields to his impulses, indulges in the lowest form of pleasure, and behaves in the end like an animal in satisfying his vices. And it all comes from lying — to others and to yourself.” Dostoyevsky - from The brothers Karamazov
It’s almost as if Dostoyevsky knew this would happen and humans would fail themselves and bring themselves down even further. I write this on my 999th day of sobriety. I am not perfect, but I am not lying anymore. Not hiding facts, or things I do, or indeed who I really am, is extremely liberating. The relief from worry itself is astonishing. My wife still struggles to move onwards. I am highly confident she will, but I have the strength to cope not just with waiting, but if she can’t move on….what I would be. I want to thank each and every one of you for reading my journal. Lots of you make kind and supportive comments, and many of you just read. That’s obviously fine too, thanks for just reading. I am not going anywhere, this isn’t a goodbye, just know that tomorrow I may not get the chance to write much.
Meanwhile there is a gentleman (literally) who I should like to embarrass by thanking him more publicly, and anyway I need to respond to his lunar comment….
Thank you, my friend, for your tireless love and support. I would possibly have got here without you, but actually I will never know whether that’s tru. I owe you a bit of my life. It seems entirely possible that we will never meet, which is at one level just fine, but at another a very crazy mistake. Cheers pal. I will raise a glass to you tomorrow.
I am 999 days sober
and haven’t masturbated to an orgasm (no MO) for 6 days.
Good weekend all. GBS
It’s almost as if Dostoyevsky knew this would happen and humans would fail themselves and bring themselves down even further. I write this on my 999th day of sobriety. I am not perfect, but I am not lying anymore. Not hiding facts, or things I do, or indeed who I really am, is extremely liberating. The relief from worry itself is astonishing. My wife still struggles to move onwards. I am highly confident she will, but I have the strength to cope not just with waiting, but if she can’t move on….what I would be. I want to thank each and every one of you for reading my journal. Lots of you make kind and supportive comments, and many of you just read. That’s obviously fine too, thanks for just reading. I am not going anywhere, this isn’t a goodbye, just know that tomorrow I may not get the chance to write much.
Meanwhile there is a gentleman (literally) who I should like to embarrass by thanking him more publicly, and anyway I need to respond to his lunar comment….
Yo, @Blondie - Thanks for the analogy, mate. You’re right that going around the moon for the first time, as Apollo 8 did, it must have been THE most astonishing thing as the Earthrise became visible. Those three men saw something no one else ever saw. Arguably as big a privilege as Armstrong and Aldrin getting to step on the surface. I don’t feel different to how I felt yesterday or the day before, and I possibly won’t feel different tomorrow when I get to 1000 days, but I realise I am going to see the light once again. The darkness was terrible, the light is extraordinary.
Thank you, my friend, for your tireless love and support. I would possibly have got here without you, but actually I will never know whether that’s tru. I owe you a bit of my life. It seems entirely possible that we will never meet, which is at one level just fine, but at another a very crazy mistake. Cheers pal. I will raise a glass to you tomorrow.
I am 999 days sober
and haven’t masturbated to an orgasm (no MO) for 6 days.
Good weekend all. GBS
GBS
Respected Member
1,000 days sober. I get to use a comma number separator from henceforth!
7 days no MO
Weather is gloomy today in the UK. Wife seems ok but pretty much keeping herself to herself. Nothing to celebrate really EXCEPT I got to a milestone. 10 x 100 days. Almost exactly 2 years and 9 months. Don’t have time to write more. Good Sunday to you all.
7 days no MO
Weather is gloomy today in the UK. Wife seems ok but pretty much keeping herself to herself. Nothing to celebrate really EXCEPT I got to a milestone. 10 x 100 days. Almost exactly 2 years and 9 months. Don’t have time to write more. Good Sunday to you all.
Blondie
Respected Member
GBS
Respected Member
Thanks @DIMA-NBA - I will keep going…..forever
Isn’t it amazing what Dostoevsk’s insights were? Cheers pal.
I think I had one too many, honestly.
Cheers, Freebie. Keep going, mate.1000 days, great job GBS!
And thanks @Percival - it’s a life change, as Sim-le and as complicated as that.
And it’s now…..
1,002 days sober
9 days no MO
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
So sorry I missed “The Day”! I have watched and followed over this time. Thanks for your dedication to your wife and your marriage. I think your story shows that each of us, both addict and partner, walk our own walks and healing has no “in stone” recovery time. It takes how long it takes. We each choose a healing path that works for our situation. I know you are an inspiration to others. I just want to say good job.
It’s almost as if Dostoyevsky knew this would happen and humans would fail themselves and bring themselves down even further. I write this on my 999th day of sobriety. I am not perfect, but I am not lying anymore. Not hiding facts, or things I do, or indeed who I really am, is extremely liberating. The relief from worry itself is astonishing. My wife still struggles to move onwards. I am highly confident she will, but I have the strength to cope not just with waiting, but if she can’t move on….what I would be. I want to thank each and every one of you for reading my journal. Lots of you make kind and supportive comments, and many of you just read. That’s obviously fine too, thanks for just reading. I am not going anywhere, this isn’t a goodbye, just know that tomorrow I may not get the chance to write much.
I am not going anywhere, This is how my husband and I started and ended our conversations when we talked about our moving forward.
Also important is the not lying anymore. No rationalization, no blurring just truth and transparency. It makes all the difference.
It’s almost as if Dostoyevsky knew this would happen and humans would fail themselves and bring themselves down even further. I write this on my 999th day of sobriety. I am not perfect, but I am not lying anymore. Not hiding facts, or things I do, or indeed who I really am, is extremely liberating. The relief from worry itself is astonishing. My wife still struggles to move onwards. I am highly confident she will, but I have the strength to cope not just with waiting, but if she can’t move on….what I would be. I want to thank each and every one of you for reading my journal. Lots of you make kind and supportive comments, and many of you just read. That’s obviously fine too, thanks for just reading. I am not going anywhere, this isn’t a goodbye, just know that tomorrow I may not get the chance to write much.
I am not going anywhere, This is how my husband and I started and ended our conversations when we talked about our moving forward.
Also important is the not lying anymore. No rationalization, no blurring just truth and transparency. It makes all the difference.
Only Pink Floyd knows that side…..
GBS
Respected Member
Thanks @Gracie - It took a while for the penny to drop for me that there is only “some’ relationship between my recovery and my wife’s. Inevitably there is some, because without me changing she is stuck at first base forever. To continue the analogy though, not worrying about how long it takes to get to the other bases is a learned skill and one I am good at understanding. Demanding very little (as I do) can at one level seem like I am being weak - stand up for yourself GBS, ask her what the problem is, ask what more can you do? - then the brain kicks in and says if she needs a great deal of time, let her have it. Will there be a glorious ending? Who knows? There should be, but there are very few certainties in life (death, taxes etc), and as the serenity prayer says: accept what you can’t change, and change what you can.
Thanks again, gal.
PS Pink Floyd’s DSOTM was an album I bought in (I think) about 1975. I bought it because the album cover was so cool! But for the record (no pun) only the Apollo 8 astronauts actually saw the DSOTM!