121 days of no PMO. Can’t recall where I am on MO days because I think I did that just over a week ago. Committed to the long haul on that as I feel I stop the reboot in its tracks when I do that. Discipline shall be my watchword.
I was quiet tonight after a good day. Wife said what’s up. For the last 5 years I would have said nothing’s wrong- this time I spoke up. I just described the incongruous position of living a near perfect life with the woman I love except there’s no intimacy at all. I made it very clear I wasn’t complaining just explaining. She understood and we agreed it was great I spoke up and she said she had given thought to moving forwards but was nervous it might be too early and she would freak out. I told her to wait. It was a respectful and beautiful conversation and in some ways as good as intimacy itself.
Keep writing everyone. I would not be where I am without you all.
i love your journaling and its keeping you successful for sure. i too am like you.. when something was bothering me i wouldn't tell my wife what was bothering me i'd just say i was "fine". looking back that does not lead to honesty and openness. i should have told her whats bothering me whether it was in life, sex or whatever.
instead of being honest with my wife i used a proxy - porn, fantasy, masturbation.
for you to point out that you miss intimacy but not beg or get angry or upset probably was a huge step. it would have been for me. and i'm guessing if you were upset a lot of times you'd internalize it.
anyways.. i do think real intimacy for you and your wife is getting closer. for her to say she's starting to think about moving forwards is a great sign. a good woman like yours sounds like she is wouldn't be dishonest about saying she'd want to "move forward" w/out really having thought about it . so i think you are on the right path man.
going monk mode like you are is also real inspiring to me and many others here. its super hard but i think its showing that if a sex addict can go monk mode he is capable of anything.