Another story - probably the same as everyone else
- Thread starter GBS
- Start date
GBS
Respected Member
367 days. Thanks @joepanic @Ezel @Jlied @Simon2 @Blondie @Nico - know this……you inspire. I would not be where I am today were it not for you.
So here we go with the second year of recovery.
Feeling great. Trying not to feel smug.
My infrequent masturbation strategy will continue. The ultimate goal is never to masturbate at all but to have regular enough sex to make the pain of endurance bearable. This is a tough gig. Only releasing about once a month is a tricky way to lead your life. Right now I think I am 12 days no MO.
Things at home are good. No frostiness which is wonderful. Wife will be going away for a week as of next Friday. A big test. Mainly for her I think. Being apart from me will probably be good for her. It could be kill or cure. We shall see.
Stay clean gentlemen and have a good weekend.
So here we go with the second year of recovery.
Feeling great. Trying not to feel smug.
My infrequent masturbation strategy will continue. The ultimate goal is never to masturbate at all but to have regular enough sex to make the pain of endurance bearable. This is a tough gig. Only releasing about once a month is a tricky way to lead your life. Right now I think I am 12 days no MO.
Things at home are good. No frostiness which is wonderful. Wife will be going away for a week as of next Friday. A big test. Mainly for her I think. Being apart from me will probably be good for her. It could be kill or cure. We shall see.
Stay clean gentlemen and have a good weekend.
Beautiful1973
Active Member
GBS
Respected Member
I totally understand @Beautiful1973 . Clear your head. Thanks to you too.
GBS
Respected Member
368 days porn free. I am also ( I checked this) on my 12th day of no MO.
@Nico included in a recent post of his, a link to the journal of a guy who is 7 years sober, and his journal (stick with it) had some definitive text (translated from Chinese) about rebooting. I won’t say I got bored, but it was deep and serious shit If a little repetitive. But it was also bang on the money. From what I read I would summarise as follows:
We’re kidding ourselves if we think masturbation is ok, it’s not. It’s addictive. We can be told only to do it occasionally, but we can’t follow that advice obviously because it’s too much fun. When we ejaculate from masturbation we get weaker in mind and body. The weaker we get the more the brain compensates by making us masturbate harder and to more filthy material. Spiral ensues. Also erectile dysfunction happens again because of the brain being literally washed with porn, so it compensates to stop one from watching….but we still don’t stop. We get uglier and we still don’t stop. It’s a short step from general anxiety disorder and madness. How many people are some where in that spiral?
There’s a ton more - it’s in the “Success stories“ and the author is HMHU and his journal is called 6 year sober or something.
Rather inevitability I latch onto anyone whose core theme is little or no masturbation . it’s a slightly “know it all” read and may make you shrug, but I would still have a look.
Things are good at home. Wife has had (at least) 3vhighly stressful things all colliding at once. Confidentiality forbids me from explaining, but all three are big time. So I have backed off and am supporting like mad. She likes this a lot. What it does for us, I cannot say. She will be going to the US for about 9 days so will have time to consider while she also deals with extended family stresses. I think my general stock price is rising. I remain an investor.
@Nico included in a recent post of his, a link to the journal of a guy who is 7 years sober, and his journal (stick with it) had some definitive text (translated from Chinese) about rebooting. I won’t say I got bored, but it was deep and serious shit If a little repetitive. But it was also bang on the money. From what I read I would summarise as follows:
We’re kidding ourselves if we think masturbation is ok, it’s not. It’s addictive. We can be told only to do it occasionally, but we can’t follow that advice obviously because it’s too much fun. When we ejaculate from masturbation we get weaker in mind and body. The weaker we get the more the brain compensates by making us masturbate harder and to more filthy material. Spiral ensues. Also erectile dysfunction happens again because of the brain being literally washed with porn, so it compensates to stop one from watching….but we still don’t stop. We get uglier and we still don’t stop. It’s a short step from general anxiety disorder and madness. How many people are some where in that spiral?
There’s a ton more - it’s in the “Success stories“ and the author is HMHU and his journal is called 6 year sober or something.
Rather inevitability I latch onto anyone whose core theme is little or no masturbation . it’s a slightly “know it all” read and may make you shrug, but I would still have a look.
Things are good at home. Wife has had (at least) 3vhighly stressful things all colliding at once. Confidentiality forbids me from explaining, but all three are big time. So I have backed off and am supporting like mad. She likes this a lot. What it does for us, I cannot say. She will be going to the US for about 9 days so will have time to consider while she also deals with extended family stresses. I think my general stock price is rising. I remain an investor.
GBS
Respected Member
369 days. 13 days no MO.
Not much to report. I know people describing their dreams is dull, dull, dull, but a snippet from mine last night. I touched my wife’s arse and she said she’d ask her therapist if that was ok. That’s all I remember. Yes, you can laugh if you want to.
Not much to report. I know people describing their dreams is dull, dull, dull, but a snippet from mine last night. I touched my wife’s arse and she said she’d ask her therapist if that was ok. That’s all I remember. Yes, you can laugh if you want to.
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
So much inspiration on this thread!! Keep doing what you're doing!!
TryingHarder
Well-Known Member
Congratulations on one year porn free, GBS! I'm looking forward to celebrating that important day myself next month.
GBS
Respected Member
Thank you very much @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11 and one of my earliest correspondents @TryingHarder . You inspire me. And I look forward to your anniversary @TryingHarder .
370 days. 13 no MO.
My wife said she has something to discuss after her therapy yesterday, and she added the crucial words “something nice”, so I await. Yes, I am getting my hopes up and I shouldn’t. Yes, I do think it’s about affection and if it isn’t I will be upset. Yes, I did have baby’s arm in a cast morning wood today.
I shall keep you apprised.
370 days. 13 no MO.
My wife said she has something to discuss after her therapy yesterday, and she added the crucial words “something nice”, so I await. Yes, I am getting my hopes up and I shouldn’t. Yes, I do think it’s about affection and if it isn’t I will be upset. Yes, I did have baby’s arm in a cast morning wood today.
I shall keep you apprised.
GBS
Respected Member
371 days. 14 no MO.
Still no discussions with wife about her therapy but there are mitigating circumstances. I am staying cool. Sort of.
Went to SAA meeting last night. I took cookies with me to celebrate my one year milestone, so I was preparing to say something suitably humbling and then this younger guy (actually he was 38, but that’s young to me) nearly breaks down. He hasn’t been coming for weeks but has slipped all the way back. I don’t feel comfortable saying much more for obvious confidentiality reasons. It was just so shocking and a crude reminder.
So I am a little confused today. Getting to a milestone is great but there’s baggage that comes with that. Extreme care needs to be taken not to be smug and self righteous, and then there’s basically the start of the next year to cope with. It doesn’t feel like I have gone back to zero, but it’s a different feeling to the one where the landmark is within touching distance.
Stay clean brothers.
Still no discussions with wife about her therapy but there are mitigating circumstances. I am staying cool. Sort of.
Went to SAA meeting last night. I took cookies with me to celebrate my one year milestone, so I was preparing to say something suitably humbling and then this younger guy (actually he was 38, but that’s young to me) nearly breaks down. He hasn’t been coming for weeks but has slipped all the way back. I don’t feel comfortable saying much more for obvious confidentiality reasons. It was just so shocking and a crude reminder.
So I am a little confused today. Getting to a milestone is great but there’s baggage that comes with that. Extreme care needs to be taken not to be smug and self righteous, and then there’s basically the start of the next year to cope with. It doesn’t feel like I have gone back to zero, but it’s a different feeling to the one where the landmark is within touching distance.
Stay clean brothers.
Jlied
Active Member
I think that’s why they say he wary of counting days. I think it’s ok to do early on, but if you put too much currency into the amount of days sober it feels like a much bigger crash if a slip does happen. And also, it’s not like a big event or reward happens after a certain amount of days you are sober. Perhaps start year two without the need to document days, perhaps year two is the start of your new life where your new normal is porn free and there is no need to acknowledge that you how long you’ve abstained because you no longer need porn in your life, you’ve removed it, there is nothing to abstain from, your free to work on other areas of your life. Yes keep caution so you don’t become complacent and fall back into old routines, but also live with confidence that you are changed and you are strong.
I think it was the right decision not to make an announcement of your achievement when the other attendee had a breakdown. As much as it would have felt good I think you did the right thing. You can always bring it up at the next meeting, but making him feel worse by bringing up your achievement may have set him back even more realizing he wasn’t able to stick to the regime as well as you have. Just be a source of information for him like you have been with us.
keep slaying Sir Geebs of Reboot Nationshire!
Blondie
Respected Member
Hey @GBS, I think your fears concerning screwing up are well founded.
There is a legend of a cowboy named Blondie riding out into the desert to find his peace and solace from the modern horrors of the train wreck that is called Once Upon a Time in Pornography. However, over a year later he returned with his dick in hand and his head down low. Seeing this ghastly sight, the townspeople asked him why o why did he go back to the filth that made his pecker three sizes too small?" Blondie's reply shocked many who looked up to him, but the wiser of the bunch knew his words to be full of grizzled truth. He said "After a year, my thoughts became prideful and full of "manly complacency". I thought I had conquered the beast, but he was waiting for me all this time in a dark canyon, on the day I would least expect it."
No one knows what exactly happened to this Blondie fellow. Some say he went back into the desert to defeat the bastard demon in the canyon while counting his days for the rest of his glorious porn-free life. Others say he settled down to raise a family, vowing to never count but only to destroy his complacency for the rest of his days. But the truthfulness of these anecdotes are hard to know for certain.
However, many years later, Blondie's humble tomb was found out in the lonely desert, inscribed with his epitaph.
Counting or not counting
Matters not in the end,
But only to defeat one's
Complacency within
Day 18,776
There is a legend of a cowboy named Blondie riding out into the desert to find his peace and solace from the modern horrors of the train wreck that is called Once Upon a Time in Pornography. However, over a year later he returned with his dick in hand and his head down low. Seeing this ghastly sight, the townspeople asked him why o why did he go back to the filth that made his pecker three sizes too small?" Blondie's reply shocked many who looked up to him, but the wiser of the bunch knew his words to be full of grizzled truth. He said "After a year, my thoughts became prideful and full of "manly complacency". I thought I had conquered the beast, but he was waiting for me all this time in a dark canyon, on the day I would least expect it."
No one knows what exactly happened to this Blondie fellow. Some say he went back into the desert to defeat the bastard demon in the canyon while counting his days for the rest of his glorious porn-free life. Others say he settled down to raise a family, vowing to never count but only to destroy his complacency for the rest of his days. But the truthfulness of these anecdotes are hard to know for certain.
However, many years later, Blondie's humble tomb was found out in the lonely desert, inscribed with his epitaph.
Counting or not counting
Matters not in the end,
But only to defeat one's
Complacency within
Day 18,776
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GBS
Respected Member
Actually @Jlied I did make a very small speech and said I was at my one year mark (they all knew from the week before) but it was incongruous because of what had preceded it. So the point I was making is that there’s something slightly odd about milestones. Good odd and bad odd. But it’s irrelevant now because it’s done with and I am pressing onwards.
Meanwhile this broken man and I have forged a friendship of sorts and I have steered him towards one of my “go to” resources: the YouTube lecture called The Great Porn Experiment by the legend Dr Gary Wilson now RIP. If you haven’t seen this Ted talk I highly recommend it. Thoroughly watchable 15 minute explanation of the porn epidemic. In fact even if you have seen it before, I would encourage a second watch. That;s your homework for tonight kids.
Thanks again @Blondie for the excellent tale above. Complacency point noted. I used to be smug and arrogant but I have lost some of those traits somewhere in the brain mend. I know I am not fixed yet, but the really nice thing is that I don;t actually know under what circumstances I would go back. That’s refreshing. Control of masturbation habits is my number one concern. Yeah yeah yeah….boring! Thing is it’s utterly central to recovery and the good Dr Wilson effectively makes my point. He doesn’t actually say no MO, but he implies it in spades redoubled. Start mending your brain and so many character flaws will drop away as they come along for the ride. It’s magical. Some would call it spiritual, in fact that’s what it feels like. Probably though it’s physical because it’s science. It doesn’t matter how we couch it, it effing works and there’s not enough people yelling this out in the streets.
As the good doctor says, the high speed internet access to all varieties of porn is called The Demise of Guys. He wants the scientific understanding to be The Resurrection of Guys. But the message is still only a trickle out there. We are the Guinea pigs.
Those following my story: sorry, nothing much going on. Wife is in panic mode about going to the US and leaving me and the boys behind. So this will probably be good as a test, but along with the panic has come her forgetting she wanted to discuss her therapy. It couldn’t have been that crucial honestly. Back in the box I go. That said she has upped the general affection level a notch so I am no longer in the 50/50 camp.
372 days and 15 no MO. Balls are the size of Titleist Pro V1’s. Morning wood is seeking a name change via deed poll to morning titanium. We persevere.
Meanwhile this broken man and I have forged a friendship of sorts and I have steered him towards one of my “go to” resources: the YouTube lecture called The Great Porn Experiment by the legend Dr Gary Wilson now RIP. If you haven’t seen this Ted talk I highly recommend it. Thoroughly watchable 15 minute explanation of the porn epidemic. In fact even if you have seen it before, I would encourage a second watch. That;s your homework for tonight kids.
Thanks again @Blondie for the excellent tale above. Complacency point noted. I used to be smug and arrogant but I have lost some of those traits somewhere in the brain mend. I know I am not fixed yet, but the really nice thing is that I don;t actually know under what circumstances I would go back. That’s refreshing. Control of masturbation habits is my number one concern. Yeah yeah yeah….boring! Thing is it’s utterly central to recovery and the good Dr Wilson effectively makes my point. He doesn’t actually say no MO, but he implies it in spades redoubled. Start mending your brain and so many character flaws will drop away as they come along for the ride. It’s magical. Some would call it spiritual, in fact that’s what it feels like. Probably though it’s physical because it’s science. It doesn’t matter how we couch it, it effing works and there’s not enough people yelling this out in the streets.
As the good doctor says, the high speed internet access to all varieties of porn is called The Demise of Guys. He wants the scientific understanding to be The Resurrection of Guys. But the message is still only a trickle out there. We are the Guinea pigs.
Those following my story: sorry, nothing much going on. Wife is in panic mode about going to the US and leaving me and the boys behind. So this will probably be good as a test, but along with the panic has come her forgetting she wanted to discuss her therapy. It couldn’t have been that crucial honestly. Back in the box I go. That said she has upped the general affection level a notch so I am no longer in the 50/50 camp.
372 days and 15 no MO. Balls are the size of Titleist Pro V1’s. Morning wood is seeking a name change via deed poll to morning titanium. We persevere.
guitar1968
Well-Known Member
I'm just catching up on your story and am very impressed to see how well you've been doing. This is not an easy thing to kick, but I'm ready to do it for good. I'm trying to decide about how to work mindful masturbation into the mix eventually. I know for me this can be a very slippery slope. At 55 years of age I have literally decades of porn images stored up in my brain to pull from. So, can I just sit back and touch myself just enjoying the sensation of my own touch? I really don't know. Since the early days of stealing my dad's Playboys to the recent days of anything you can imagine and more porn, it may be too hard to keep those images down. We'll see.
Anyway, this isn't my journal. I really just wanted to say great job. I'm impressed, I'm happy for you and I'm also inspired by you to do better myself. Wishing you luck with your continued journey and hoping things get better for you and your wife.
Anyway, this isn't my journal. I really just wanted to say great job. I'm impressed, I'm happy for you and I'm also inspired by you to do better myself. Wishing you luck with your continued journey and hoping things get better for you and your wife.
GBS
Respected Member
Morning all,
Not the best day yesterday as I took it upon myself to enquire of my wife what her therapy session had been like. She had said there was something good to discuss. Long story short, nothing good or certainly not the way she couched it. Got a bit of the hairdryer treatment which I wasn’t expecting. Later yesterday she was all sweetness and light so I think she recognised she’d gone in a bit hard on me. I am not wallowing in self pity. I see it for what it is. She’s paralysed scared of taking a step forwards and once again deflecting the problem onto me by retelling of previous misdemeanours. In fact she retold one story and embellished it with some clear untruths. 6 months ago I would have taken her down on that, but not now. The exaggeration makes no real difference.
She’s off to the US today - literally just back from airport - 9 days apart. I am sure it will be good for us. Did any fleeting thought cross my mind that I could indulge in some sneaky porn? I promise you, no. Did the thought cross my mind that I could fit in a quick MO? Well yes it did cross my mind. But I shall resist steadfast in my resolution that masturbation is not healthy for me.
Thanks to @guitar1968 - kind words. On the subject of mindful masturbation I really find it difficult so I have no advice. I am 60, so ahead of you in years but not by much. Been a 45 year habit for me and I can’t say what percentage was mindful but I think very small indeed < 1%. I have discussed this with my therapist and she says it’s ok for soft fantasy about one’s partner. Ideal is mindful and there are tools online for that. For me basically impossible. As a result I go hard core = no MO at all. I have to release at around the 30 day mark. But for related trigger reasons I will not divulge what my version of soft fantasy is. Good luck in your quest.
373 days of sobriety and 16 no MO.
Not the best day yesterday as I took it upon myself to enquire of my wife what her therapy session had been like. She had said there was something good to discuss. Long story short, nothing good or certainly not the way she couched it. Got a bit of the hairdryer treatment which I wasn’t expecting. Later yesterday she was all sweetness and light so I think she recognised she’d gone in a bit hard on me. I am not wallowing in self pity. I see it for what it is. She’s paralysed scared of taking a step forwards and once again deflecting the problem onto me by retelling of previous misdemeanours. In fact she retold one story and embellished it with some clear untruths. 6 months ago I would have taken her down on that, but not now. The exaggeration makes no real difference.
She’s off to the US today - literally just back from airport - 9 days apart. I am sure it will be good for us. Did any fleeting thought cross my mind that I could indulge in some sneaky porn? I promise you, no. Did the thought cross my mind that I could fit in a quick MO? Well yes it did cross my mind. But I shall resist steadfast in my resolution that masturbation is not healthy for me.
Thanks to @guitar1968 - kind words. On the subject of mindful masturbation I really find it difficult so I have no advice. I am 60, so ahead of you in years but not by much. Been a 45 year habit for me and I can’t say what percentage was mindful but I think very small indeed < 1%. I have discussed this with my therapist and she says it’s ok for soft fantasy about one’s partner. Ideal is mindful and there are tools online for that. For me basically impossible. As a result I go hard core = no MO at all. I have to release at around the 30 day mark. But for related trigger reasons I will not divulge what my version of soft fantasy is. Good luck in your quest.
373 days of sobriety and 16 no MO.
guitar1968
Well-Known Member
Good luck with your 9 days away from your wife. Seems like it might actually good to be away from each other a bit. Time away can sometimes bring people closer and make them realize why they want to be together in the first place.
Thanks for your comments about mindful masturbation or masturbation at all. I'm probably right there with you. Masturbation has always lead me back to porn and the computer. Not sure why it would be different this time. But I also feel similar to you in that I do feel like at some point I need a release. Maybe that's still my porn addicted mind talking. Not sure. I've never actual searched out tools for mindful masturbation, but it sounds like something to research a bit. At this point, I'm only around 2 weeks into abstaining so I'm not looking at doing anything for a while. I need to breathe. I need to be away from it all for a while and see what I feel like.
Wishing you the best. Have a great weekend.
Thanks for your comments about mindful masturbation or masturbation at all. I'm probably right there with you. Masturbation has always lead me back to porn and the computer. Not sure why it would be different this time. But I also feel similar to you in that I do feel like at some point I need a release. Maybe that's still my porn addicted mind talking. Not sure. I've never actual searched out tools for mindful masturbation, but it sounds like something to research a bit. At this point, I'm only around 2 weeks into abstaining so I'm not looking at doing anything for a while. I need to breathe. I need to be away from it all for a while and see what I feel like.
Wishing you the best. Have a great weekend.