The long & winding road....

Gooner

Member
My 1st post,

I'm a 57yr old man who again is counting the cost of this horrible addiction, once again it took me to the depths........for the last time tho! I am tho now 42 days sober with the help of my wonderful counsellor, however I feel I need help of people in the same boat as me tho.

I have taken it back to when I was 12 when I first started using porn in 1 guise or another, started like lots of young lads, magazines, video & then it exploded when I was introduced to the Internet. I have stopped for periods in that time but it has always been there in the background, i have lost a marriage through it & now possibly a 14yr relationship with an amazing lady........needless to say its been a long journey to get where I am today.

This time I am determined not only how to put things in place to stop me from acting out again, but i am also learning more about the effect on my brain & physically on my body that porn addiction has on me, which I have never known about.

That long & winding road is stretched out in front of me but its one I want to travel 🙂
 

Onmyway19

Member
Welcome. You've made a great 1st step in joining here. There's a wealth of knowledge and resources. Use them and be the best version of yourself.
 

Gooner

Member
Day 47 now, still not done anything so feeling good about myself. Actually had 2 messages this morning from women I had acted out with before (thought I had blocked everyone), was shocked but politely told them I am in recovery & made sure their numbers were blocked!
Feeling abit confused at the moment, my girlfriend (or should I say "ex" girlfriend) is still in touch, we message most days tbh. It's probably me, one minute I'm thinking she wants to stay in touch to see how things pan out, then the next minute I'm convincing myself she is only doing it to be kind, so confusing 🤔😒
Am going to a residential next week specifically dealing with this type of addiction, Am hoping I can see a little more clearly after that.

Have a great day everyone 👍
 

GBS

Member
Keep going. I will read your posts every time they're on.

The change in your brain is like a magic trick. It's almost too good to be true.

How many thousands of men (and women) - it will actually be millions - are either addicted like us, or have a lesser addiction such that they're still desensitized and are not being good partners and are not truly connected to their wives (or husbands)? This problem will be epidemic if it isn't already.

Keep writing - it helps me know there's others recovering.
 

Gooner

Member
Thanks for you message GBS, yes I agree there will be thousands if not millions in the same situation as us or on the road to addiction, this will be bigger than anyone could imagine.

Day 49 today, no PMO, had a trigger this morning whilst lying in bed, before starting on my recovery I would definitely have acted out but I told myself to stop what I was thinking, i made myself think about the good round of golf I had yesterday instead. Can honestly say I would never have thought it possible but it worked, am almost at halfway to 100 days & my brain feels like it's starting to reboot, I can sleep tonight happy again.
 

GBS

Member
I used to be a gambler. That's another weird addiction. But you get triggers in gambling as well, like you need to have bet to enjoy a football match. You start to think games aren't worth watching if there isn't money riding on them. The analogy with Porn addiction is that almost every dull moment needs to be filled and you can always masturbate...oh I know....I'll make it more interesting with some porn.

Now a basic analysis of this just says we're weak, pathetic men who seek instant thrills. Our partners will have us beg for mercy and we could be vilified for being so base and feeble. BUT the human race is like this...we're sad in that we got in over our heads BUT unlike gambling (very hard to give up and no discernible upside until you realise you actually have money left), giving up porn has genuine physical upsides that make you stare in the mirror and realise your brain was duped. This recovery, whilst very hard, is amazing at one level.

I am such a convert now. Contemplating going full hard core forever i.e. no masturbation ever again in my life - have declared this to my wife, Just in case you think I'm a nutcase, I did point out that my discipline will mean that if I get any triggers to masturbate, she's going to have step up. #haven'tcompletelymislaidplot

If Gooner means what I think it does, i am sorry about last night!
 

GBS

Member
No. Fear ye not. I am not one of them. My team is down in third tier. You have no reason to dislike me. We’re not fit to lace your boots!

Meanwhile keep going my friend, I need you as much as you need me.
 
This time I am determined not only how to put things in place to stop me from acting out again, but i am also learning more about the effect on my brain & physically on my body that porn addiction has on me, which I have never known about.

Keep it up, Gooner! Knowledge is power, and the more you learn about addiction, the more it will help you beat it.
 

Gooner

Member
Thanks guys, sorry I'm not on here much this week, I am attending a residential for addicts, there are 8 of us all in the same boat all trying our best to understand & sort this out once & for all.
I appreciate your messages & will be back on at the weekend if not sooner.
Take care guys
 

Gooner

Member
Day 54 PMO/MO & midway point yesterday on my residential, told my story to the other 7 guys living the same life as me, withing 2 days we have become like a "band of brothers" already & from such diverse backgrounds & careers I may ad.
The feeling I had peeling everything back & opening up was amazing, found the feedback harder actually with the love that came back, quite overwhelming.

Even more hopefully now 🙂
 
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