The long & winding road....


Active Member
That’s impressive. Truly. I think this addiction is unique and maybe the hardest to admit to. Good job my friend.

Merson - what a role model he is. We non-Arsenal fans think he’s a legend too, you know.


At my rehab/residential we were challenged to tell more than 2 people about our addiction, tbh I was already thinking about this, I am sick of living this secret life, sick of what it does to me, how it keeps me alone.
For more than 30yrs I have followed the career of Paul Merson, a professional footballer & addict. He has lived his addiction in public for many years, but, most recently in a documentary (bbc iplayer) he says "if being public about his addiction helps just 1 person not to go through what he has, then its worth it".
I told a good friend at work last week, i actually broke down in front of him when i explained about my addiction. He has been great about it, very supportive, i know his wife well aswell & i trust her so told him if he needed to then tell her so my secret isnt a secret for him aswell. I popped in his house the other day & she was there, she gave me a hug, said how brave it was to tell them then told me to get back i was too close 🤣🤣🤣 i love her humour!!
Yesterday while having a message conversation with an old girlfriend of mine yesterday (my big thing in my addiction is sexting which always leads to other things) things started getting abit hot which is not unusual for us, needless to say i could feel it triggering me. I took the decision to tell her about my addiction, we go back almost 40yrs so i trust her, just like my friend she was amazing, so supportive, wants to help me anyway she can.
For me, just the fact these people that i trust know about my addiction, they want to help me & i can reach out to them when i need them drives me on even more to beat this effin thing that has dragged me down or far too many years!

I learnt a saying on my rehab, "those that matter don't mind, those that mind don't matter".........its so true
That’s impressive. Truly. I think this addiction is unique and maybe the hardest to admit to. Good job my friend.

Merson - what a role model he is. We non-Arsenal fans think he’s a legend too,
Yes for sure, lets be honest who actually talks openly or honestly about their sexlife with friends or family.
The funny thing is when i went for a pint with my friend over the weekend he told me about a problem he is having sexually with his wife, Its not porn induced he actually thinks its medication he is taking but he said "your the only person that knows". I doubt without our conversation about me that he would have mentioned it, he felt comfortable telling me tho so its now given him someone to reach out to if he wants to talk things over aswell.


Had a good day yesterday, it took me back to my residential (which was only 2 & a half weeks ago but seems like a lifetime ago now), haha good chat on the phone with one of the guys who is struggling with letting go, the good thing is he was comfortable reaching out to me, sharing his problem & discussing what he could do to help the situation. It certainly is a bumpy road we travel.
I then met up with one of the other guys for a coffee, we live fairly close to each other, so nice to see him again, talk over our addictions, share our experiences since we left the the group & most importantly we laughed again like we did so much that week, great to see you mate 💙
Then in the afternoon I have arranged to meet another of the guys near where I am going for the weekend, I am going to visit family & her lives not far from there so will be great to catch up with him aswell.
Am so grateful to have been on my course, it was hard at times, very emotional but so so worth it, these guys are in my life now, I really don't think I would be where I am right now without them.

Have a great day everyone, stay safe & stay sober 🙏
you are an inspiration to me and probably many others here. Its amazing what starting to open up about a dark secret can do with starting to release the shame and de-stigmatize that which has clouded us for so long.

what i really took home from your report Gooner is how positive you stay even though i'm sure many of those days you did not journal must have been hard, what with triggers everywhere.