A little support because I want to become Better

ladysudan

Active Member
Hi! I am new here because I realized that being a girl and a porn addict is not easy. I don't fap everyday (like I do it after every 2 or 3 days) but when I do I feel its still not enough. Lately I realized that pornography is taking a toll on me and its so hard to stay true and clean when I have no one to talk to about this. Being exposed to some rough porn videos has somewhat damaged my brain. I was once a balanced teen but now I'm struggling with myself and my behavior. I feel like I don't value myself anymore or anyone else. I have always relapsed every time I have tried giving up. I hope you understand me.
 

SmokenMirrors

Well-Known Member
Don't give up! It's great to have you here. You've taken a big step towards recovery. Use this journal as your rock during your reboot, mine massively helped me! We have all, at some point, felt like we couldn't repair our brains but every single person can fully recover! I'll be keeping an eye on your journal, make sure to update it every day with how you're feeling, when possible!
 

SmokenMirrors

Well-Known Member
This journal should be great for you, this is a fellow female fighting the poison!
 

ladysudan

Active Member
Thanks! Means a lot!
Don't give up! It's great to have you here. You've taken a big step towards recovery. Use this journal as your rock during your reboot, mine massively helped me! We have all, at some point, felt like we couldn't repair our brains but every single person can fully recover! I'll be keeping an eye on your journal, make sure to update it every day with how you're feeling, when possible!
 

ladysudan

Active Member
It feels like two days have passed even though
it's only one day. This is what happens when
you're fighting through addiction. Day 1 got
completed but I might declare it as a stalemate
from my side because even though I didn't engage
in PMO but doesn't mean I was productive throughout
the day. I mean I had so many things to do but
thoughts always keep me stuck. I have so much to do.
I can't procrastinate but most days T don't feel
like doing. I sometimes think every action and
decision of mine arises out of fear. Can anyone
provide me suggestions on how to be productive?
 

Chuckles

Active Member
It feels like two days have passed even though
it's only one day. This is what happens when
you're fighting through addiction. Day 1 got
completed but I might declare it as a stalemate
from my side because even though I didn't engage
in PMO but doesn't mean I was productive throughout
the day. I mean I had so many things to do but
thoughts always keep me stuck. I have so much to do.
I can't procrastinate but most days T don't feel
like doing. I sometimes think every action and
decision of mine arises out of fear. Can anyone
provide me suggestions on how to be productive?
My advice, treat productivity as a replacement for you bad habits.
But also, know that during recovery, other things might suffer a bit. Give yourself credit for doing something big in your life. Don't treat your decrease in productivity as canceling out your progress. It's a backslide maybe, but you are number one, and you have to take care of you first.

I'm a big advocate for exercise during this time. Whatever kind of workout you'll actually do, whether that's weight lifting, swimming, dancing, running, whatever. Your body is going to want to naturally go back to your routines and muscle memory. The bonus is that the endorphins you get from regular exercise will increase your mood and make you feel more motivated.
 

TryingHarder

Well-Known Member
even though I didn't engage in PMO but doesn't mean I was productive throughout the day.
Think of it this way: anything is more positive and productive than PMO. :) Don't give up! It's important that you're understanding how dangerous a porn addiction is and doing what you can to stop it while you're still young.
 

ladysudan

Active Member
Has engaging in M's caused pain to your bodies of a bad kind? I was once so addicted that it caused me some pain in my clit and I was having trouble while walking or sitting. It's my fourth day and I do get some urges but I am controlling myself.
 

SmokenMirrors

Well-Known Member
Day 4 is a huge achievement! I can only talk from a male perspective but MOs have only really served to push me back mentally, I've never had any pain
 

ladysudan

Active Member
Day 4 is a huge achievement! I can only talk from a male perspective but MOs have only really served to push me back mentally, I've never had any pain
Watching porn for a time led me to adapt to a thought that maybe everything that I'm seeing is normal but when I tried to do the same to myself it caused me pain and moreover left me with guilt and embarrassment. I'm still a virgin but there are some people who try to apply the same on their sex lives and partners, expecting the same kind of pleasure but it just makes the matters worse. And @SmokenMirrors thanks!
 

SmokenMirrors

Well-Known Member
Watching porn for a time led me to adapt to a thought that maybe everything that I'm seeing is normal but when I tried to do the same to myself it caused me pain and moreover left me with guilt and embarrassment. I'm still a virgin but there are some people who try to apply the same on their sex lives and partners, expecting the same kind of pleasure but it just makes the matters worse. And @SmokenMirrors thanks!
It's always a bad idea to use porn as an idea of 'realism'! The women in those films are paid to pretend that they enjoy what's happening but 99 percent of them don't! If you have Netflix, check out a documentary called 'Hot Girls Wanted', it shows the dark side of porn. Believe me when I say men are not into the extreme stuff you see in porn (well, 95% of men that is).
 

ladysudan

Active Member
It's always a bad idea to use porn as an idea of 'realism'! The women in those films are paid to pretend that they enjoy what's happening but 99 percent of them don't! If you have Netflix, check out a documentary called 'Hot Girls Wanted', it shows the dark side of porn. Believe me when I say men are not into the extreme stuff you see in porn (well, 95% of men that is).
I saw its trailer (because I don't have an account😅) but the trailer was just enough to make me sad and depressing because of its harsh reality.
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
I saw its trailer (because I don't have an account😅) but the trailer was just enough to make me sad and depressing because of its harsh reality.

You can look up Shelly Lubben of the Pink Cross foundation, Jessie Rogers and searches like "victims of the porn industry" on Youtube...

Wishing you strength and success, ladysudan!
 

Chuckles

Active Member
Has engaging in M's caused pain to your bodies of a bad kind? I was once so addicted that it caused me some pain in my clit and I was having trouble while walking or sitting. It's my fourth day and I do get some urges but I am controlling myself.
Yes. Eventually orgasms became dry (little or no ejaculate) and painful for me. I'm pretty sure I caused some inflammation in my prostate gland, and I'm still recovering from it. I'm not sure what the female equivalent of that is.
 

ladysudan

Active Member
Yes. Eventually orgasms became dry (little or no ejaculate) and painful for me. I'm pretty sure I caused some inflammation in my prostate gland, and I'm still recovering from it. I'm not sure what the female equivalent of that is.
Recover soon!
 

ladysudan

Active Member
Hi! I have to be honest with you guys. I was strong for 4 days but not for the fifth day because I ended up M and fantasizing about women and doubting myself that maybe I'm gay. And then I watched P. I don't know what to do. People are out there just completing their goals and here I am can't even go without engaging myself in PMO for 1 week. God how do I do this? I feel bad.
 
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