A little support because I want to become Better

SmokenMirrors

Active Member
Hi! I have to be honest with you guys. I was strong for 4 days but not for the fifth day because I ended up M and fantasizing about women and doubting myself that maybe I'm gay. And then I watched P. I don't know what to do. People are out there just completing their goals and here I am can't even go without engaging myself in PMO for 1 week. God how do I do this? I feel bad.
All part of the process! Do not beat yourself up. You're fighting a demon of gargantuan proportions. Simply use this anomaly as motivation to push through your future temptations!
 

TryingHarder

Active Member
Hi! I have to be honest with you guys. I was strong for 4 days but not for the fifth day because I ended up M and fantasizing about women and doubting myself that maybe I'm gay. And then I watched P. I don't know what to do. People are out there just completing their goals and here I am can't even go without engaging myself in PMO for 1 week. God how do I do this? I feel bad.
Regroup and try again. It's never easy at any stage of a porn addiction, but certainly tougher at the start, since you're still in the grips of the addiction.

path-to-success.jpg
 

Chuckles

Active Member
People are out there just completing their goals...
You're not competing with us, we're struggling right here beside you. We're one team, and we want to see you succeed.

How have you entered this? Have you really sat down and made a game plan for how you're going to beat it? If not, I can personally say that's what made the difference this time I quit.

My advice, take it or leave it:

Stay active in this community. Update your journal. Find a few people you click with, check in on them, give them kudos on their progress, etc. Community helps a bunch.

If you know someone in real life that you can confide in, and share your goals with, someone you trust, then you'll have someone to be held accountable to. But if you're not ready, or there's no one you trust, then maybe not. If you don't have a therapist already, you may be able to find one your insurance covers, or free therapy. There are also anonymous groups for addicts, you may have some near you.

Find the positive habit you're going to use to fill the void left by your bad habit. Preferably something exercise related (dopamine hit, feeling good about progress, etc all really help). Make this a realistic and concrete goal. "I'm going to run more." is a bad way to set a goal. "I'm going to always have clean running clothes in my room. I'm going to put on the running clothes and walk/jog/run for 30 minutes, at least 3 times a week." Is better. "I'm going to run 5 miles every morning before work." Is unrealistic. Remember, the best workout plan is the one you'll actually do.

Change your settings, break your automatic habits. My therapist suggested moving my furniture around, but what I ended up doing was moving my standing desk higher. I had a very strong habit of sitting in my chair, beginning to touch myself, and since I was already on the internet... But now it all feels unfamiliar, and just doesn't happen on its own anymore.

Know your enemy...
Read this:
I don't know how you do with dry, scientific articles, but this one is good. It goes into what porn does to our brains. TL;DR, it literally makes you less human and more animal. I found it fascinating, but it also enraged me. This giant industry has not only exploited its consumers into addiction, but is literally turning them into animals.

Another read that helped me was the book Dopamine Nation by Anna Lembke. It goes into several types of addiction, but keeps bringing it back to our brains.

Finally, forgive yourself. We all have backslides. I quit smoking, IDK, 5 or 6 times before I was finally done for good. I tried to quit or cut back on PMO quite a few times before I even admitted I was addicted. And this is my 3rd or 4th attempt since then.
But don't let forgiving yourself turn into permission to do it again. There's a fine line between beating yourself up, and enabling yourself. Walk it.

You got this! I believe in you!
 

ladysudan

Member
You're not competing with us, we're struggling right here beside you. We're one team, and we want to see you succeed.

How have you entered this? Have you really sat down and made a game plan for how you're going to beat it? If not, I can personally say that's what made the difference this time I quit.

My advice, take it or leave it:

Stay active in this community. Update your journal. Find a few people you click with, check in on them, give them kudos on their progress, etc. Community helps a bunch.

If you know someone in real life that you can confide in, and share your goals with, someone you trust, then you'll have someone to be held accountable to. But if you're not ready, or there's no one you trust, then maybe not. If you don't have a therapist already, you may be able to find one your insurance covers, or free therapy. There are also anonymous groups for addicts, you may have some near you.

Find the positive habit you're going to use to fill the void left by your bad habit. Preferably something exercise related (dopamine hit, feeling good about progress, etc all really help). Make this a realistic and concrete goal. "I'm going to run more." is a bad way to set a goal. "I'm going to always have clean running clothes in my room. I'm going to put on the running clothes and walk/jog/run for 30 minutes, at least 3 times a week." Is better. "I'm going to run 5 miles every morning before work." Is unrealistic. Remember, the best workout plan is the one you'll actually do.

Change your settings, break your automatic habits. My therapist suggested moving my furniture around, but what I ended up doing was moving my standing desk higher. I had a very strong habit of sitting in my chair, beginning to touch myself, and since I was already on the internet... But now it all feels unfamiliar, and just doesn't happen on its own anymore.

Know your enemy...
Read this:
I don't know how you do with dry, scientific articles, but this one is good. It goes into what porn does to our brains. TL;DR, it literally makes you less human and more animal. I found it fascinating, but it also enraged me. This giant industry has not only exploited its consumers into addiction, but is literally turning them into animals.

Another read that helped me was the book Dopamine Nation by Anna Lembke. It goes into several types of addiction, but keeps bringing it back to our brains.

Finally, forgive yourself. We all have backslides. I quit smoking, IDK, 5 or 6 times before I was finally done for good. I tried to quit or cut back on PMO quite a few times before I even admitted I was addicted. And this is my 3rd or 4th attempt since then.
But don't let forgiving yourself turn into permission to do it again. There's a fine line between beating yourself up, and enabling yourself. Walk it.

You got this! I believe in you!
Thanks! You sound like my brother who always sounds realistic and speak facts but never really judged me because of my past, instead always pushed me to do better. Thank you!
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
Keep building the habit of fighting urges and not watching porn and instead doing other things.

You might relapse a few times but eventually you'll have that streak where you decide, this is going to happen because it's the most important thing in my life.

The most important thing you can do is never stop trying (but in the Yoda sense of actually doing, full effort, full investment and picking yourself back up if you ever do falter).
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Hi! I have to be honest with you guys. I was strong for 4 days but not for the fifth day because I ended up M and fantasizing about women and doubting myself that maybe I'm gay. And then I watched P. I don't know what to do. People are out there just completing their goals and here I am can't even go without engaging myself in PMO for 1 week. God how do I do this? I feel bad.

Be patient with yourself, and never give up. If you fall down, just get up and go again. You will find out what works for you and what doesn't.
 

ladysudan

Member
Next month (on 20 June) I will be turning 20 so what if I complete my thirty days without pmo and increase my studying hours to at least 18 hours and increase up to 220 marks in an exam that I'll be appearing for on 17th July. No one ever made me feel special on my birthday but I want to do it for myself this time. I know 220 marks is tough but by just reaching the bare minimum marks I can get into a medical college. I want to live my adulthood as a happy and free woman with no one to judge or control me. Wish me luck. I wish to free myself forever.
 

TryingHarder

Active Member
Good luck, ladysudan. But remember: trying to crush too many things at once can be tough. ;) You might have heard about SMART goals: specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-based. Sounds like everything you're trying to achieve (no PMO, more studying, higher marks) would fit this plan. Focus on what you want to achieve for a cool birthday gift to yourself. I'm also trying to improve myself in a number of ways at the same time, so best of luck!
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
I know 220 marks is tough but by just reaching the bare minimum marks I can get into a medical college. I want to live my adulthood as a happy and free woman with no one to judge or control me. Wish me luck. I wish to free myself forever.

You can do this ☝️, Lady Sudan! I believe in you! Don't let anyone ---> ANYONE (including yourself) limit you! All the silly and foolish things people will say that become beliefs- just so they can feel good when they fail. But that's not you, because you can set your limits as high as you want, and accomplish all your plans!

You can do it, and you deserve such a birthday gift!
 

ladysudan

Member
Good luck, ladysudan. But remember: trying to crush too many things at once can be tough. ;) You might have heard about SMART goals: specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-based. Sounds like everything you're trying to achieve (no PMO, more studying, higher marks) would fit this plan. Focus on what you want to achieve for a cool birthday gift to yourself. I'm also trying to improve myself in a number of ways at the same time, so best of luck!
You can do this ☝️, Lady Sudan! I believe in you! Don't let anyone ---> ANYONE (including yourself) limit you! All the silly and foolish things people will say that become beliefs- just so they can feel good when they fail. But that's not you, because you can set your limits as high as you want, and accomplish all your plans!

You can do it, and you deserve such a birthday gift!
Thanks a lot!!!!!!!!!!
 

ladysudan

Member
Okay...I have a funny thing to ask (not related to P). When and what was your first kiss like? Because I had always thought I would have my first kiss like one in the movies. But I was wrong. My first kiss (at 16) was so ewww . I mean I could literally tell what he had in lunch that day.😂
It tasted like red chillies and mustard. But still it felt like I was eating his leftovers. God ewwwwwwwwwwww.
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
I remember when I was first kissed, we were in the 2nd grade, when she kissed me (on the cheek) I was like, Wow! Heaven's real?

Sorry your's didn't compare, but was more like ----> :sick:
 

Chuckles

Active Member
Okay...I have a funny thing to ask (not related to P). When and what was your first kiss like? Because I had always thought I would have my first kiss like one in the movies. But I was wrong. My first kiss (at 16) was so ewww . I mean I could literally tell what he had in lunch that day.😂
It tasted like red chillies and mustard. But still it felt like I was eating his leftovers. God ewwwwwwwwwwww.
I have 2 first kiss stories
When I was maybe 5 or 6, there was this cute girl, about my age, don't remember her name. We were running around her yard, being kids. There was an old VW Beetle, I don't even know if it ran, but we both got in the back seat and out of nowhere she kissed me. It was a mixture of "What just happened?!" and "Oh, that was kind of nice!"

My first kiss kiss was the end of 7th grade. End of year pool party with my then girlfriend. I kissed her on the cheek, and she really quickly turned and we were making out. It felt electric. We kept that up all summer. When she later broke up with me, through a friend, she told him one of the reasons was I was a sloppy kisser. I'm better now.

I still also get grossed out if I can fully taste food.
 

ladysudan

Member
I have 2 first kiss stories
When I was maybe 5 or 6, there was this cute girl, about my age, don't remember her name. We were running around her yard, being kids. There was an old VW Beetle, I don't even know if it ran, but we both got in the back seat and out of nowhere she kissed me. It was a mixture of "What just happened?!" and "Oh, that was kind of nice!"

My first kiss kiss was the end of 7th grade. End of year pool party with my then girlfriend. I kissed her on the cheek, and she really quickly turned and we were making out. It felt electric. We kept that up all summer. When she later broke up with me, through a friend, she told him one of the reasons was I was a sloppy kisser. I'm better now.

I still also get grossed out if I can fully taste food.
You are lucky you had a girlfriend back then. I wouldn't even have courage to go and speak up my feelings. One time I tried doing it...I ended up getting bullied badly.😢 Nvm.
 

Chuckles

Active Member
You are lucky you had a girlfriend back then. I wouldn't even have courage to go and speak up my feelings. One time I tried doing it...I ended up getting bullied badly.😢 Nvm.
Oh that sucks. I'm sorry to hear it. You shouldn't be bullied for expressing how you feel.
 

Blondie

Well-Known Member
Hey ladysudan!

I definitely remember my first kiss. Sometime when I was 8 or 9 while my family was watching a movie or something, a girl dared me to play a kissing game behind their backs. Naturally I said yes, and I had a hell of a goodtime! I was always in love with the fairer sex, but after that kiss Cupid sealed the deal!

Sorry to hear about your first one though - dudes can be douchebags for sure.
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
You were so lucky. I wish I had such cute moments with a gentleman. Sad that I only ended up dating d bags but ok.

You will have those moments...! You're young, single (assuming), and with your whole life ahead of you.

One of the benefits of stopping these behaviors is that we build up our confidence, and we can put ourselves out there, take risks, and avoid 'creepy' individuals that wierd us out.

Your self-esteem will be through the roof, and you'll value yourself too much to end up with d-bags. Best of luck to you!
 
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