A little support because I want to become Better
- Thread starter ladysudan
- Start date
What is that ONE point that you triggers you the most or causes urges in you? In case y'all ever have urges, how do you control them?
I can see my urges crowding my brain and not letting me think.
I think each person may have a different answer for that, but for most guys it's visual 'triggers' that may cause urges to come up.
I have found that over time what 'triggers' someone can even change and no longer be a big deal. Unless the trigger is rooted in our emotions, than it may be something to be more careful about.
The problem a lot of rebooters or folk recovering have is they make triggers so all-powerful, and avoid them at all costs. But all the power is within you, and breaking this addiction is about taking back our power.
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Blondie
Respected Member
I definitely agree here with Phineas. "Triggers" are pretty personal and also change the further we going along on our recovery. What once was a "trigger" for me might not be one now, and that's a good thing. For example, in my 500 day steak, I saw all kinds of "triggers" and often I saw them on purpose (I didn't really care about P subs then), but they didn't get me to relapse because I was emotionally solid and strong in my resolve. What did get me to relapse was some random picture that I saw that was nothing different than anything else I had seen, but emotionally I was in a real bad spot.
To me, the battle is inside and knowing what you will and will not allow yourself to do. Obviously we shouldn't go "looking" for trouble, but at the end of the day, it really is more of a internal battle.
Today, I'm feeling kind of blah and slightly down, thus, I will be more on guard to external influences.
To me, the battle is inside and knowing what you will and will not allow yourself to do. Obviously we shouldn't go "looking" for trouble, but at the end of the day, it really is more of a internal battle.
Today, I'm feeling kind of blah and slightly down, thus, I will be more on guard to external influences.
SmokenMirrors
Well-Known Member
As Phineas and Blondie put so eloquently, it changes from case to case. With me it tends to be my mind drifting and thinking and it can lead to sexual imagination, luckily I notice it happening now! I have rare cases when I see an attractive lady wheer my mind wants to PMO as a result of the physical stimulation but that really is rare
Ezel
Respected Member
Just hang in there lady Sudan, and remember this shall pass. if you just had one bad day It doesn't mean that your whole life sucks.
You just have to trust the process (assuming that you are sticking with your reboot) the darkest hour of the night comes just before the dawn.
Stay strong, you got this...
You just have to trust the process (assuming that you are sticking with your reboot) the darkest hour of the night comes just before the dawn.
Stay strong, you got this...
TryingHarder
Well-Known Member
I agree with what others have said: triggers can be very personal, and often subtle or unexpected. For years, my addiction had me doing PMO whenever I was experiencing stress or anxiety; it was the only thing that made me feel better. Other times, I'll look up some actress on IMDB that I'm curious about and while scrolling through photos think "oh oh, this is a trigger, isn't it?" In time, you will learn what your triggers are and how to avoid them.
I'm a little later in life, and I still feel this way, lol...! It's what you make of it, Lady. Yes, pursue your goals and your dreams, but don't forget to enjoy the moment, each new day given us, and don't take yourself too seriously.
You are loved, you are valued, and your story has meaning that will be revealed in due time.
ladysudan
Active Member
Last Sunday, while giving a mock test, an urge arose within me out of nowhere and I was like "If this is happening to me right now then this is pathetic. " I was scoring below what I had thought. In last hour I still managed to gather my strengths to solve more and scored 467/720 in that test. Maybe I was not in the mood.
Today, I again appeared for a mock test. One hour before test I prefer sleeping. I don't know why have I developed this habit recently
, but it keeps me calm otherwise I would be panicking. Today no urges. I scored 472/ 720. Not much difference still I felt I was in my senses.
Indulging in porn for me is similar to someone who is high on drugs or alcohol....you don't even have a clue how days are slipping out of your hands. Hope my demons leave me forever.
Today, I again appeared for a mock test. One hour before test I prefer sleeping. I don't know why have I developed this habit recently
, but it keeps me calm otherwise I would be panicking. Today no urges. I scored 472/ 720. Not much difference still I felt I was in my senses.Indulging in porn for me is similar to someone who is high on drugs or alcohol....you don't even have a clue how days are slipping out of your hands. Hope my demons leave me forever.
Ezel
Respected Member
good job not letting those thoughts take over you lady Sudan. and getting out of that transaction of thought before it is too late, or else you can kiss those grades goodbye.
but you handled it like a girl boss, I'm so proud of you, keep the great attitude. next time you take another test I hope you will get higher grades than the last time. you have so much potential lady, just work on yourself and leave porn behind, and eventually, you will achieve whatever you want.
but you handled it like a girl boss, I'm so proud of you, keep the great attitude. next time you take another test I hope you will get higher grades than the last time. you have so much potential lady, just work on yourself and leave porn behind, and eventually, you will achieve whatever you want.
TryingHarder
Well-Known Member
Yes and yes!
In my experience, the urge has to do with stress or anxiety. Bad day at work? Depressing headlines? I know what will make you feel better... 
So it's not pathetic, it's part of the addiction. Those urges will lessen in time.And yes, time slips away when you're a porn addict. I will never let my addiction steal any time from me again. Instead of something negative and grotesque, I choose to do things that are positive, creative, and healthy. And that means almost anything else besides porn!
Chuckles
Active Member
This was me, really bad. I would lose entire weekends. And I didn't realize it at the time but I was skipping out on events with my friends and family because I was depressed or didn't feel well. Not fully aware of the cycle I was locking myself into.
The good news is you can give yourself the gift of getting all that time back, and reconnecting.
ladysudan
Active Member
Oh now I realize my basic trigger is stress. Thanks for letting me figure out.Yes and yes!
And yes, time slips away when you're a porn addict. I will never let my addiction steal any time from me again. Instead of something negative and grotesque, I choose to do things that are positive, creative, and healthy. And that means almost anything else besides porn!
ladysudan
Active Member
Today, my parents are not at home and no I'm not talking about urges. I'm talking about how meaningless, pointless and colourless my life looks like when the people closest to me are not there with me most of the time. When they are, they keep on asking about my marks, grades and performance. This is nothing new and has been happening since 2014, ever since my brother left for college. Sadly, I do not have someone to talk to about how and what I ACTUALLY feel.
I don't know about anyone else but when I was 11 or 12 years old, I could see what might happen in near future (like in 7 years maybe). Those were the years where I was bullied on a daily basis, groped by one of the teachers (in his 30s), and had engaged myself into relationships that gave me attention but never affection...more or less it turned out to be toxic. Every other fear I had turned out to be nightmare in real life. Had we talked about my fears and problems, we, specially I, wouldn't have been stuck here in this mess.
It's better to stay alone than staying in a room of crowded people who make you feel lonely.
I don't know about anyone else but when I was 11 or 12 years old, I could see what might happen in near future (like in 7 years maybe). Those were the years where I was bullied on a daily basis, groped by one of the teachers (in his 30s), and had engaged myself into relationships that gave me attention but never affection...more or less it turned out to be toxic. Every other fear I had turned out to be nightmare in real life. Had we talked about my fears and problems, we, specially I, wouldn't have been stuck here in this mess.
It's better to stay alone than staying in a room of crowded people who make you feel lonely.
SmokenMirrors
Well-Known Member
Very poignant. I can relate to the suffocating parents, it can be tough! You are not responsible, or at fault, for your past. But, you owe it to yourself to make peace with the past so you can be happy in the future! It's a rocky road but well worth it. In the meantime, I can confidently speak on behalf of RN when I say that we are all here for you!
ladysudan
Active Member
ladysudan
Active Member
What if you're getting intimate with your partner (suffering from asthma) and then in the midst of everything, your partner is having an asthma attack. Would you continue dating that person? Wouldn't that be awkward? Would you hate him/her for that?
*Honest answers expected*
I am asking because A.) I'm a virgin (better be a virgin till 30) and B.) I'm having asthma
*Honest answers expected*
I am asking because A.) I'm a virgin (better be a virgin till 30) and B.) I'm having asthma
D
Deleted member 29199
Guest
I went through ur thread ladysudan. It's nice to meet another person working their way through this and being active on here.
Now to answer ur question.
Well so the person I'm with is definetly someone I choose to be with as it sounds in this particular case. And I don't have asthma myself but I've someone close who suffers from it and I have seen what it makes someone like.
If I'm getting intimate with my partner and in the midst of it she (talking in my particular case) has an asthma attack then I would probably try to make her comfortable first. It would be a bit awkward and I would definitely wonder or ask why that happened. But I'd definetly not hate her for that. It's not something one can control and it just may happen for any reason whatsoever. What matters is she's fine first then we can work our way through it.
Also if people started 'hating' their partners for these kind of small reasons then this thing wasn't about to work in the first place haha
Chuckles
Active Member
If I was being intimate with someone, and she started to have an asthma attack, I'd ask what I could do to help. And if she was ready to get back to it I'd get back to it. If not we'd take a break/stop. If it happened every time it's something we would have to find a way to work around it. I wouldn't hate her though.
If your partner isn't understanding of your medical condition, I say lose that partner. There's someone out there that gets it.